Transcript: Midsomer Murders 20th Anniversary Special | Dec 15, 2019

(melodic orchestral music)

A black slate reads "Some 20 season ago."

A caption reads "John Nettles. DCI Tom Barbaby." Tom is in his mid-seventies, clean-shaven with short hair. He wears glasses and a blue suit.

Tom says THE "MIDSOMER MURDERS,"
SEASON ONE, EPISODE ONE,
"THE KILLINGS AT
BADGER'S DRIFT,"
ADAPTED FROM THE NOVEL
BY CAROLINE GRAHAM
BY ANTHONY HOROVITZ.
SCENE ONE, EXTERIOR
BADGER'S DRIFT, DAY.
LATE AFTERNOON IN THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL OF ENGLAND'S.
ONCE UPON A TIME,
CAROLINE GRAHAM CREATED
THE COUNTY OF MIDSOMER
AND WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
A VILLAGE GREEN
AND AN UNREMARKABLE DETECTIVE
WOULD BECOME AN ENDURING
GLOBAL TELEVISION PHENOMENON?

A clip plays.

In his twenties, Troy says THIS IS IT HERE, SIR.

A Male Inspector says REALLY, TROY, I'D
NEVER HAVE GUESSED.

Tom says SO WHAT'S THE ENDEARING
ATTRACTION OF THE SERIES?
HERE WE HUMBLY SUGGEST TO
YOU SOME 20 INGREDIENTS
THAT MAKE UP ITS
DELICIOUS APPEAL.
SHOULD YOU EVER DARE TO VISIT,
BE SURE TO PUT THEM
ON YOUR TO DO LIST
AND DO TRY TO AVOID
ADDING TO THE BODY COUNT.

The slate changes to "20 things to do in Midsomer before you die.1. Asses the neighborhood."

(birds twittering)
(thudding)

An animated boy falls in the bushes and says UH!
(steam train whistling)

A young girl drives a bicycle in the countryside.

The caption changes to "Daniel Casey. DS Gavin Troy." Daniel is in his mid-forties, with a short beard and brown hair. He wears a blue shirt.

Daniel says ONE OF THE BEAUTIES
OF "MIDSOMER" I THINK,
WHY IT'S SO WELL LOVED AROUND
THE WORLD IS THE SCENERY,
IT'S AN EXTRA CHARACTER, IT'S
THAT BEAUTIFUL LANDSCAPE.

The caption changes to "Jonathan Fisher. Executive Producer." Jonathan is in his thirties, with a soft beard and brown hair. He wears a pale blue shirt.

Jonathan says FOR ME ONE OF THE KEY FACTORS
OF "MIDSOMER'S" ENDURING SUCCESS
IS THE LOCATION AND SETTING,
WE'RE VERY FORTUNATE IN
THAT WE'RE ABLE TO FILM
IN THESE POSITIVELY
BUCOLIC, RURAL IDYLLS.
OBVIOUSLY ONE OF THE THINGS
WE DO IS WE JUXTAPOSE
THAT CHOCOLATE BOX VIEW
OF ENGLISH COUNTRY LIFE
WITH A DARKER, MORE GOTHIC,
BLOOD-SPLATTERED UNDERBELLY.

(light haunting music plays)
(thudding)

In a clip, a young man gets killed in the woods.

He says UH!
UH!

The clip ends.

The caption changes to "Mark Bourdillon. Photographer."

In his fifties, Mark says THE "MIDSOMER" TERRITORY
EXTENDS FROM NORTH OXFORDSHIRE
ACROSS THE CHILTERNS
INTO BUCKINGHAMSHIRE
AND ONE OF THE
FAVORITE LOCATIONS
AND IT'S A FAVORITE OF MINE
IS IN THE VILLAGE OF THAME
WITH ITS BEAUTIFUL
SHOPS AND HIGH STREET
AND OF COURSE THE RIVER,
WHICH GIVES GREAT ATMOSPHERE
TO THE WHOLE PLACE,
WE'VE FILMED THERE MANY TIMES
AND NEVER SEEN THE SAME
LOVELY PLACE TWICE.

The caption changes to "Jason Hughes. DS Ben Jones."

In his forties, Jason says WE JUST ENDED UP DAY
AFTER DAY AFTER DAY
AFTER WEEK AFTER WEEK IN THESE
MOST EXTRAORDINARY LOCATIONS,
THESE INCREDIBLE HOUSES,
HOUSES THAT HAD THESE
INCREDIBLE GROUNDS,
BEAUTIFUL FARMLAND,
BEAUTIFUL FORESTS,
WHICH IS REALLY QUITE AN
AMAZING THING FOR AN ACTOR
TO HAVE THAT AS YOUR BACKDROP,
IT DEFINITELY MAKES
YOUR JOB EASIER,
IT'S QUITE BREATHTAKING.

(gentle piano music plays)

Daniel says I THINK ONE OF
TROY'S GREAT JOYS
AND ONE OF MY JOYS PLAYING HIM
WAS TO DRIVE AROUND THAT AREA
AND I THINK WE ALL KNOW
THAT TROY'S DRIVING
WASN'T OF THE HIGHEST CALIBER.

(car horn tooting)
(tires screeching)

In a clip, Troy almost bumps into another car as he is driving.

A man says YOU HAVE TAKEN THE DRIVING
COURSE, HAVE YOU TROY?

Troy says YES, SIR, FOUR OR FIVE TIMES.

Daniel says HE WOULD DRIVE INTO SOMEONE'S
DRIVEWAY AND SKID TO A HALT,
YOU KNOW, MAKING THIS
BEAUTIFUL GRAVEL DRIVEWAY
AND SCATTERING THEIR
PEBBLES ALL OVER THE PLACE
OR HE'D PULL UP
ONTO A VILLAGE GREEN
JUST TO RUB THEIR NOSES UP
THE WRONG WAY, I SUPPOSE.

In the clip, the Inspector says NOW THAT'S A BEND
JUST AHEAD, TROY.

Troy says I'VE SEEN IT, SIR.

Jonathan says SO ONE OF THE MOST
COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS,
WHICH I OFTEN HEAR
ABOUT "MIDSOMER."
IS THAT WE'VE GOT THIS
EXTRAORDINARILY HIGH BODY COUNT.

In a clip from the series, a man says WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
UH!

Fast clips show men being murdered.

Another man says ARGH, AH!
(gasping)

The caption changes to "Jane Wymark. Joyce Barbany."

With short white hair and in her sixties, Jane says IT INTERESTS ME THAT PEOPLE,
WHO ACTUALLY KNOW
THIS SHOW QUITE WELL
ALWAYS THINK IT'S
JUST ONE VILLAGE,
EVEN THOUGH I THINK THE
LIST OF VILLAGE NAMES
THAT HAVE BEEN USED IN
THAT SHOW GOES INTO A LOT.

Different characters say BADGER'S DRIFT.
MIDSOMER MALLOW.
SWINTON MAGNA.
LUXTON DEEPING.
GREATER ORBURN.

Jonathan says AND THE FACT OF COURSE,
WE'RE QUITE A LARGE COUNTY
WITH I THINK OVER 60 SMALL
VILLAGES AND HAMLETS IN IT,
SO WHEN YOU CALCULATE THE DEATH
RATE OVER THE LAST 20 YEARS,
ACTUALLY I THINK PROPORTIONATELY
WE'RE NOT DOING THAT BADLY,
I THINK THERE'S BEEN
SOMETHING LIKE 340 ODD MURDERS
IN THE PAST 20 YEARS,
SO FOR A COUNTY,
THERE COULD BE WORSE
PLACES TO LIVE.

In a clip, Troy says SO WHERE IS IT THEN, THE BODY?

An old man says MOST OF IT'S IN THE HALL,
THE HEAD BOUNCED
INTO THE LIVING ROOM.

The Inspector says HE'S BEEN SHOT
THROUGH THE HEART
APPARENTLY BY SOMEONE
WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR.
YOU'RE RIGHT, THIS IS BAD.

John says BAD?
I THOUGHT I LOOKED RATHER
GOOD IN THAT SCENE.
MEANWHILE MORE ESCAPISM AND
MAYHEM ON THE VILLAGE GREEN.

The slate changes to "2. Stroll along the Village Green."

(water gurgling)
The caption changes to "Neil Dudgeon. DCI John Barbaby."

In his sixties, Neil says WELL OF COURSE,
THE VILLAGE GREEN
IS CENTRAL TO LIFE IN ALMOST
ANY "MIDSOMER" VILLAGE,
IT WAS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT
FIRST DREW ME TO "MIDSOMER,"
THAT BEAUTIFUL PICTURE POSTCARD
OPENING OF THE VILLAGE GREEN
AND THE DUCK POND AND
THE LOVELY CHURCH.

The caption changes to "Ian Stachan. Coproducer."

In his late sixties wearing a plaid shirt, Ian says WELL, AFTER 20 SERIES,
THERE IS NOT A SINGLE
PICTURESQUE VILLAGE
THAT'S NOT BEEN USED AT
LEAST TWO OR THREE TIMES,
THERE ARE PROBABLY ONLY
TWO OR THREE VILLAGE GREENS
WITHIN OUR AREA, IT
DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE,
SO THE VILLAGE SHOP
WILL TEND TO BE
AN EXTERIOR OF SOMEONE'S HOUSE,
MAYBE IT WAS AN
OLD VILLAGE SHOP,
SOME OF THE FRONTAGES
STILL EXIST.

Fast clips of different episodes run by.

He continues VERY FEW PUBS ARE
ON VILLAGE GREENS
AND A SCRIPT
DEFINITELY WANTS A PUB,
WHICH OVERLOOKS SOMETHING ELSE,
BECAUSE WHEN THEY COME OUT OF
THE PUB, THEY SEE SOMETHING,
THEY MIGHT BE LOOKING OVER THERE
AND THEN WHAT THEY SEE
MAY BE IN ANOTHER VILLAGE.
ALSO YOU'VE GOT
TO BE VERY CAREFUL
IN TERMS OF THE TIMES OF THE
YEAR AND THE SEASONS AS WELL,
IF IT'S SPRING,
YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE SURE
IT'S A SPRING EPISODE,
BECAUSE THERE ARE TIMES WHEN
YOU DON'T WANNA SEE DAFFODILS
AND WE'RE FILMING IN THE SPRING,
BUT IT MAY BE FOR THE AUTUMN.
WHEN WE DID A SECOND
CHRISTMAS EPISODE,
WE FILMED THAT IN JULY IN
THE HOTTEST DAY OF THE YEAR,
WE DID LES DENNIS
IN A SANTA SUIT
IN SOMETHING LIKE 99 DEGREES
FAHRENHEIT IN BECKETTS FIELD.

In a clip, Santa says MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(brass band Christmas music)
MORTON SHALLOWS
CHRISTMAS APPEAL,
PLEASE GIVE
GENEROUSLY, HO HO HO!

Ian says AND THAT MEANT WE
COULDN'T SEE ANY GREENERY,
'CAUSE ALL THE
TREES WERE IN LEAF,
IT WAS BRIGHT BLUE SUNSHINE,
YOU HAD ALL THE EXTRAS IN
FLEECES AND SCARVES AND HATS
AND PEOPLE BASICALLY PASSING
OUT THROUGH HEAT EXHAUSTION
AND IT WAS MEANT TO BE DECEMBER.
WE JUST HAVE TO TAKE
WHAT THE SCRIPT SAYS,
THEN TRY AND INTERPRET IT AS
BEST WE CAN FOR THE VIEWER.

The slate changes to "3. Enjoy an afternoon at the village fete."

An animation shows a person being killed with an arrow.

The person says UH!

John says NOW
ON TO THE VILLAGE FETES,
THEY ARE OFTEN AN
OPPORTUNITY FOR LOCAL FOLK
TO DRESS UP IN A UNIQUE
AND QUIRKY MANNER
AND THEN WEAPONIZE THEMSELVES.

In a clip, a man shoots an arrow and says AH!
OOH!

Neil says ANOTHER IMPORTANT PART
OF LIFE IN "MIDSOMER."
IS THE VILLAGE FETE OR
ANY OTHER KIND OF EVENT,
THAT DRAWS PEOPLE
TOGETHER IN THAT WAY.
MY FIRST EVER EPISODE
HAD A VINTAGE CAR RALLY,
WHICH SERVED A SIMILAR
KIND OF PURPOSE,
LOTS OF PEOPLE GETTING
TOGETHER, MILLING ABOUT.

In a clip, a young man says LOOK AT THAT, 1600 MGA 1960.
ARE YOU INTERESTED IN CARS, SIR?

Barnaby says ONLY IF IT'S GOT
A FLASHING LIGHT
AND GETS ME HOME QUICKLY.

The caption changes to "Nick Hendrix. DS Jamie Winter."

In his late thirties, Nick says I HAVE DEFINITELY BEEN ROPED
INTO MANY, MANY OF THOSE,
I WORE A CONSIDERABLE
AMOUNT OF LYCRA
AND FAUX LEATHER
IN "DRAWING DEAD."

In a clip, Fleur says ALRIGHT, I GIVE UP,
WHY DID YOU CROSS THE ROAD?

Wearing a costume, Jamie says LIKE I SAID, IT'S MY DAY OFF.

Nick says "DEATH BY PERSUASION," MYSELF
AND NEIL FOR PROBABLY
THE FIRST TIME ALSO,
HE HAD TO DRESS UP IN
SOMETHING RIDICULOUS.

In a clip, a woman says GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.

Wearing a soldier costume, Barnaby says JUST BLENDING IN, MRS. OSWOOD.

Nick says WE WERE DRESSED UP
IN GEORGIAN COSTUME
FOR A JANE AUSTEN
EXPERIENTIAL EVENT.

In the clip, Jamie says THESE BREECHES, BIT TIGHT ON
THE OLD (CLEARING THROAT).

Barnaby says THEY ARE A BIT, AREN'T THEY?

Nick says HM.
THERE'S ALWAYS SOME SORT
OF VILLAGE EVENT OR FETE,
THAT I PARTICULARLY
MORE THAN BARNABY
SEEM TO GET FULLY ROPED INTO
IN SOME SORT OF
COSTUMED ELEMENT.

Fast clips show different episodes.

Barnaby says I NEVER KNEW YOU HAD A HOBBY.

A Woman says HEY,
HE'S GOT MY TICKET!

Jamie says ALRIGHT SON, LET'S...

Different character say UH!
ARGH!
AH!
(gun firing)
(screaming)

The slate changes to "4. Say your prayers at the local church."

John says CHURCHES ARE MEANT TO BE
PLACES OF WORSHIP
AND QUIET REFLECTION,
BUT IN "MIDSOMER" A VISIT
GENUINELY PUTS YOU IN
FEAR OF GOD AND YOUR LIFE.

In a clip, a priest says IN THE NAME OF CHRIST
STOP!

(blade slashing)

Jonathan says THE CHURCH AND ITS COMMUNITY
DO OFTEN PLAY AN INTEGRAL
ROLE IN "MIDSOMER MURDERS,"
I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT
THAT WE DEPICT THE
ECCLESIASTICAL WORLD
IN ORDER TO CREATE AN AUTHENTIC
AND TRUTHFUL PORTRAYAL
OF QUAINT BRITISH LIFE.
ONE OF MY ALL TIME
FAVORITE EPISODES
WAS ONE CALLED "DEATH
SHADOW" IN SERIES TWO,
WHICH STARRED RICHARD
BRIERS AS THE VICAR.

In a clip, a vicar says PLEASE BE SEATED.

Jonathan says OBVIOUSLY THE CHURCH WAS
PIVOTAL IN THAT EPISODE
AND I THINK IT WAS ONE
OF THE ALL TIME BEST.

Tom says AND THAT SAME NIGHT
YOU DECIDED TO
TAKE YOUR REVENGE,
NO PLANNING, NO CALCULATION,
HE HAD TO DIE BY YOUR
HAND BEFORE HIS OPERATION.

Ian says CHURCHES HAVE
PLAYED A BIG PART
IN "MIDSOMER" OVER THE YEARS,
THE BIG OPENING SEQUENCE
IN "MURDER BY MAGIC,"
WHERE THE CHURCH ORGANIST
IS CRUSHED TO DEATH
BY A GIANT PERSPEX BOX,
(metallic crashing)
(gasping)
AND THEN ONLY A YEAR LATER
IN "THE CURSE OF THE NINTH,"
WHEN ONE OF THE
PROMISING VIOLINISTS
IS FOUND DEAD ACROSS A
TOMBSTONE JUST OUTSIDE A CHURCH,
WHERE THE CLASSICAL
CONCERT IS TAKING PLACE.

(screaming)
A clip of the episode mentioned plays.

Mark says I'VE WORKED IN MANY OF
THE "MIDSOMER" CHURCHES,
ALL OF THEM ATMOSPHERIC,
VERY PHOTOGENIC
AND THEY JUST LEND THEMSELVES
ALWAYS TO THE STORY,
BECAUSE OF THEIR ATMOSPHERE,
THEIR ARCHITECTURE,
MANY OF THEM VERY OLD, NORMAN
AND QUINTESSENTIALLY "MIDSOMER."

Neil says CERTAINLY THE ARCHITECTURE
COMES OUT OF
"MIDSOMER" VERY WELL,
'CAUSE WE'VE HAD AN AWFUL
LOT OF BEAUTIFUL CHURCHES,
YOU CAN'T GO TO ONE OF
THE "MIDSOMER" VILLAGES
WITHOUT FINDING A
BEAUTIFUL CHURCH.
AS TO THE PERSONNEL, THAT'S
A BIT OF A DIFFERENT THING,
SO OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD, I
WOULD THINK IT'S ABOUT 50-50,
IF YOU'RE A VICAR IN "MIDSOMER,"
YOU'RE EITHER
GONNA BE VERY DODGY
OR YOU'RE GONNA GET
MURDERED OR BOTH.

In a clip, a priest gets killed.

He says ARGH!
AH!

Neil says JUSTIN SALINGER WAS
A MARVELOUS VICAR,
BUT UNLESS YOU'VE SEEN THE
EPISODE, LOOK AWAY NOW.

In another clip, a priest says I'M HERE!
WHERE ARE YOU?
(blade slashing)
(thudding)
UH!
UH!

Neil says THERE HAVE BEEN NICE VICARS,
THERE HAVE BEEN NAUGHTY VICARS,
THERE HAVE BEEN
MURDERING VICARS,
THERE HAVE BEEN VICTIM VICARS,
SO WE'VE GOT VICARS OF ALL
SIZES, VICARS FOR ALL TASTES,
WHATEVER KIND OF
VICARS YOU WANT,
WE'VE GOT 'EM HERE
IN "MIDSOMER."

In a clip, a man says FATHER?

An old priest is found dead.

A woman says FATHER?
OH, MY GOD!

The caption changes to "5. Support local businesses."

(bicycle bell ringing)

In off, John says THE GREAT
BRITISH INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION
HAPPENED IN THE
MID-18TH CENTURY,
HOWEVER IN "MIDSOMER,"
IT'S STILL GOING STRONG.
FROM THE STAPLE OF VILLAGE LIFE
SUCH AS THE "MIDSOMER" HIGH
STREETS, THE LOCAL SHOPS,
TEA ROOMS AND
THOSE ESTATE AGENTS
TO THE WILD PROFITEERING OF
THE CAUSTON AUCTION ROOM,
BREWERIES, CHEESE AND PICKLE
FACTORIES AND GOLF CLUB BARS,
THE STATELY HOMES
OPENING THEMSELVES UP
TO THE GREAT UNWASHED
AND WHO CAN FORGET
THE EXPORT DRIVE
OF CAULDER'S GOLDEN
CLUSTER BISCUITS?
(ominous haunting music plays)
THESE LOCAL BUSINESSES
ARE BREEDING GROUNDS
FOR THE TWIN SPECTERS OF
TRADITION AND NEPOTISM,
THIS PRIMORDIAL
CASSEROLE OF COMMERCE
ENABLES PETTY HATREDS
AND PERSONAL VENDETTAS
TO SIMMER IN AN
INEVITABLE HOTPOT
FEATURING THE SEVEN
DEADLY SINS AND SPICES.
SHOULD YOU EVER VISIT
THE NEIGHBORHOOD,
DO MAKE SURE YOU ENGAGE
WITH AS MANY OF THE
TRADESFOLK AS YOU CAN,
BUT ALWAYS CHECK YOUR CHANGE.

At a store, Barnaby says HOW MUCH IS THAT?

The slate changes to "6. Join a local club."

Jane says THE CLUB THING WAS JUST A
BRILLIANT DEVICE, I THINK,
IT WORKED BRILLIANTLY
FOR THE "MIDSOMER" WORLD
AND I LOVED IT,
BECAUSE IT BROUGHT ME
OUT OF MY DOMESTIC
SITUATION OFTEN
AND OUT THERE DOING
THINGS AND I DID A LOT,
I WAS IN A CHOIR.
(choir singing in foreign language)
OH, THE PHOTOGRAPHIC CLUB,
THAT WAS A REALLY NICE ONE,
I DON'T THINK I ACTUALLY
WAS A MEMBER OF IT,
BUT THERE WAS A WONDERFUL KIND
OF PHOTOGRAPHIC EXHIBITION
AND THE ULTIMATE MURDERER WAS
DOING ALL KINDS OF FAKE PHOTOS
AND THINGS AND ACCUSING
BARNABY OF INFIDELITY.

Looking at a picture, Tom says WHAT IS THAT?

Joyce says YOU TELL ME.

Jane says BELL RINGING I THOUGHT
WAS A SPLENDID ONE,
BECAUSE THE VARIOUS
VICTIMS, YOU KNOW
ARE NOT DOING THEIR BIT IN
THE PEAL ONE AFTER ANOTHER
AS MORE AND MORE BLOOD FLOWS
DOWN THE WALLS OF THE CHURCH.
THE PAINTING ONE,
THERE WE ALL WERE
ON OUR BEAUTIFUL VILLAGE GREEN
AND THE SUN REALLY
SHONE THAT YEAR,
SO THAT WAS REALLY NICE,
I ENJOYED THAT A LOT,
IN FACT YOU COULD SAY I
WAS THE QUEEN OF CLUBS.

John says YES, THE
QUEEN OF BARNABY'S HEART TOO.
NEXT THE DARKER SIDE
OF A CLUB IS A CULT.

The caption changes to "7. Research the local cults."

(sinister whispering)
A clip shows a sect carrying out a ritual.

Neil says ANOTHER RECURRING THEME AND
A RICH SEAM FOR "MIDSOMER."
HAS BEEN THE THEME OF CULTS.
THE NUMBER OF TIMES
WE'VE HAD TO DEAL WITH THESE
CLOSED, STRANGE GROUPS,
SOMETIMES HAPPILY THE
DETECTIVE SERGEANT
HAS HAD TO GO UNDERCOVER
TO INFILTRATE THESE CULTS.

In a clip, Barnaby says A GIRL HAS GONE MISSING
FROM THE OBLONG FOUNDATION.
HOW ABOUT GOING UNDERCOVER
ON ONE OF THEIR
INDUCTION COURSES?

Jason says JONES GETS TOLD, "YOU'VE
GOT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME,
"CHANGE YOUR IDENTITY,
KEEP YOUR STUBBLE,
"KEEP ALL THAT BEARD AND
GO AND JOIN THIS CULT,
"BE CALLED COSMO."

In a clip, Cosmo shakes hands with a woman and says COSMOS JONES.

The woman says OH, COSMO, I LIKE.

Neil says AND ALSO THE SAME
DETECTIVE SERGEANT
WENT UNDERCOVER IN THE NUNNERY,
WHICH WAS HUGELY
ENTERTAINING FOR ALL OF US
AND I HOPE IT WAS FOR YOU.

Barnaby takes a picture of a man dressed as a nun and says ONE FOR THE FAMILY ALBUM.

John says JASON HUGHES AS A NUN,
WHERE ELSE COULD WE
SEE SUCH DELIGHTS?

A Victim says ARGH!
OH!
UH!

Jason says I THINK THE THING WAS
THAT BECAUSE THEY KNEW
I WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO SAY YES
TO PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING
THAT THEY THROW AT ME,
THEY JUST DECIDED,
WELL, LET'S DO THAT THEN
AND IT ALSO MADE MY
DAY MORE INTERESTING.
I FEEL LIKE I WAS VERY LUCKY,
I GOT TO DO SO MUCH FUN STUFF.

(moaning in next room)
(rhythmic thudding)

In a clip, a couple is having sex.

A woman says IT'S MAKING ME
FEEL A BIT FUNNY.

Mark says ONE OF THE MOST BIZARRE
EPISODES WAS THE CULT STORYLINE,
WHERE WE HAD A
MINIATURE STONEHENGE
BUILT ON THE SIDE OF A HILL
AND THERE WAS A HUMAN SACRIFICE
AND TAME CROWS THAT ATE
THE GIZZARDS OF THE VICTIM,
IT LOOKED SO REALISTIC,
IT WAS QUITE SPOOKY.

Barnaby says I'VE GOT A STRONG STOMACH.

Kate says UNLIKE THE VICTIM, WHO
LACKS A STOMACH ENTIRELY,
HE'S BEEN DISEMBOWELED.

(police radio broadcasting quietly)

Ben says SO HE WAS ALREADY DEAD
BEFORE HE HAD HIS GUTS.

Kate says LET'S HOPE SO.

The slate changes to "8. Take your dog for a walk."

Talking to his dog, Barnaby says YOU FOLLOW THE SCENT, OKAY.
OKAY.
THAT'S IT, NOW GO
ON, FOLLOW THE SCENT!
GOOD BOY.

Neil says I'VE DONE A BIT OF DOG
WALKING IN MY TIME,
IN FACT I BELIEVE
IN MY FIRST EPISODE,
BARNABY TOOK SYKES ALONG
AS A SORT OF SNIFFER DOG,
OH, AND THEN HE DID A
WEE ON THE MURDER WEAPON,
WHICH WAS A CAR, I REMEMBER,
MAYBE THAT'S WHY HE
DIDN'T COME OUT AGAIN.

Barnaby releases his dog and says OKAY, GO, FIND, FIND!
I WANTED HIM TO
BE A SNIFFER DOG,
BUT HE SAYS HE HAS
SINUS PROBLEMS.

Ian says WHEN WE DECIDED THAT
BARNABY HAD TO HAVE A DOG,
BRIAN TRUE-MAY,
WHO WAS LIKE MYSELF
A VETERAN OF MANY
ILL-BEHAVING ANIMALS ON SET
INSISTED THAT WE
AUDITIONED A FEW
AND I HAVE TO SAY,
WHEN SYKES CAME IN,
HE WAS PROBABLY THE BEST
TRAINED WE'VE EVER SEEN,
HE WOULD DO EXACTLY
WHAT HE WAS TOLD,
HE WAS INCREDIBLY FOCUSED.

Neil says I REMEMBER WHEN
SYKES FIRST CAME IN,
GILL SAID, "DO YOU WANNA
SEE WHAT HE CAN DO?"
AND WE ALL SAID YEAH, COME ON,
I'D LIKE TO SEE WHAT HE CAN
DO AND SHE SAID, "OKAY, SYKES,
"SIT, STAND, ROLL
OVER, LIE ON YOUR BACK,
"KICK YOUR LEGS IN
THE AIR, PLAY DEAD,
"PRETEND TO WEE ON THE SET,"
AND HE DID ABOUT 10 THINGS,
IT WAS THE MOST BRILLIANT
AUDITION I'VE EVER SEEN,
I'M INCLUDING HUMAN
ACTORS IN THIS,
I'VE NEVER SEEN AN ACTOR
COME IN AND NAIL AN AUDITION
THE WAY SYKES DID WITH
THAT, HE WAS SO GREAT.

Ian says IF HE WAS ON SET, HE
WAS PROBABLY MORE FOCUSED,
HAD MORE CONCENTRATION
THAN MOST OF THE ACTORS.
YOU COULD TELL HE WAS
GETTING A LITTLE BIT OLD
AND THEN GILL RADDINGS
DECIDED TO RETIRE HIM,
SO WE HAD TO TRY
AND FIND ANOTHER DOG
AND WE DIDN'T THINK
WE'D WANT ANOTHER DOG,
THAT WAS JUST LIKE SYKES,
A LITTLE BIT OF A MUTT,
BUT PADDY CAME IN AND AGAIN,
PADDY, DESPITE THE FACT HE
WAS ONLY ABOUT A YEAR OLD
WAS SO WELL TRAINED
AND SO CLEVER
THAT HE WAS AN ABSOLUTE
SHOE-IN FOR THE PART.

Neil says AND THEY'RE BOTH
CHARMING, CHARMING CREATURES
AND THEY'RE A LOT
OF FUN TO WORK WITH,
PEOPLE SAY DON'T WORK
WITH ANIMALS AND CHILDREN,
I FIND WITH ANIMALS,
THEY'RE GREAT,
'CAUSE YOU REALLY DON'T
KNOW WHAT THEY'RE GONNA DO,
SO THAT'S ALL PART OF THE FUN
OF WORKING WITH ANIMALS REALLY,
THEY BRING A VERY SPECIAL THING,
ESPECIALLY THOSE TWO DOGS,
THEY BROUGHT A LOT OF
VERY SPECIAL THINGS
AND THE QUESTION I
AM ASKED MOST OFTEN
BY PEOPLE IN THE STREET
IS, "WHERE'S YOUR DOG?"
"IS THAT YOUR DOG?
"I LOVE THAT DOG, I ONLY WATCH
THAT SHOW TO SEE THE DOG."
DOGS ARE VERY POPULAR, WE
SHOULD HAVE A WHOLE PROGRAM
WITH JUST DOGS DETECTING THINGS.

Sarah says THE ART OF MISDIRECTION
CANINE STYLE.
(laughing)

Barnaby chases his dog and says SYKSIE!

John says AND THERE WE SAW JOHN BARNABY'S
LOVELY WIFE PLAYED BY
FIONA DOLMAN OF COURSE.
CAN YOU SEE THEY'VE GOT
A BIGGER HOUSE AND GARDEN
THAN I DID, HM, I'M NOT BITTER.
SO OVER TO AN EXCUSE FOR
MURDER MOST GRUESOME,
OUTINGS TO RESTAURANTS,

The caption changes to "9. Sample some of the local food."

An animate man faints in a restaurant and says ARGH!

John says AND JOYCE'S COOKBOOK.

Amy tastes something and chokes.

A chef says AMY?
AMY!

The caption changes to "Annette Badland. Fleur Perkins." She is in her late sixties, with short blond hair. She wears a

Annette says MY FIRST EPISODE
BEGINS WITH NOT FOOD,
BUT A BEVERAGE
WHICH IS NOT WATER
BEING INVOLVED IN
SOMEONE'S DEMISE,
SO THAT WAS THE FIRST SCENE
I EVER SHOT WITH NEIL.

Fleur says BOILED HUMAN FLESH ISN'T
SOMETHING I WORK WITH EVERY DAY,
I'LL NEED TO
CONSULT A SPECIALIST
AND POSSIBLY A COOKBOOK.

Annette says I BELIEVE THERE HAVE BEEN
SOME EXTREMELY GRUESOME DEATHS
NOT FROM EATING, BUT
MAYBE BEING EATEN,
BEING COVERED IN TRUFFLE OIL
AND BEING EATEN BY A
BOAR, WHILST STILL ALIVE.
I THINK FLEUR WOULD HAVE BEEN
REALLY INTRIGUED BY THAT,
WORKING OUT IF THE
PERSON WAS STILL ALIVE
WHILE THEY WERE BEING EATEN
AND FINDING ALL THE CREVICES
THE TRUFFLE OIL
GOT INTO AND WHY.

Barnaby says THEY USE PIGS TO
HUNT FOR TRUFFLES
ON THE CONTINENT, DON'T THEY?

Kate says YES, THEY DO.

A Young Detective says YOU THINK MARTIN STRICKLAND
WAS EATEN BY A PIG?

Barnaby says NOT A PIG, AN
ANCIENT RELATIVE,
A WILD BOAR.

In another clip, Barnaby says WOULD YOU TELL THE MANAGER
THAT DETECTIVE CHIEF INSPECTOR
BARNABY FROM CAUSTON CID
WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO HIM
IN PRIVATE NOW PLEASE?

Joyce says WHY DO I GET THE FEELING
THAT I'M NOT GOING
TO EAT TONIGHT?

Jane says ONE OF THE THINGS THAT USED
TO HAPPEN FAIRLY REGULARLY
WAS THAT TOM AND JOYCE
WOULD GO OUT TO DINNER.

(phone ringing)

Barnaby says OH, SORRY.

Jane says AND ALMOST AS REGULARLY,
HIS PHONE WOULD RING,
JOYCE WOULD BE LEFT THERE
HAVING TO GET HOME ALONE.

Barnaby says I'M SORRY, JOYCE.
I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME, OKAY?

Joyce says ALRIGHT, I'LL GET A CAB.

Barnaby says OH.

A Waitress says ARE YOU THE
RISOTTO OR THE CHICKEN PIE?

Jane says JOYCE, ALTHOUGH WELL MEANING
WAS A TRULY GHASTLY COOK,
WHICH WAS A REALLY SWEET
KIND OF CHARACTER POINT
AND IT WAS VERY TOUCHING
BETWEEN JOYCE AND TOM,
THAT HE TRIED VERY HARD
TO SORT OF CONCEAL
THE FACT FROM HER,
THAT HER COOKING
WAS SO DREADFUL.

Barnaby says DID YOU COOK THIS, CULLY?

Joyce says HOW CAN YOU TELL?

Barnaby says OH, IT'S A DIFFERENT
STYLE, THAT'S ALL.

Jane says IT WAS A RATHER
CHARMING AND SWEET THING,
IT SORT OF FADED OUT EVENTUALLY,
THERE WAS ONLY SO MANY
VARIATIONS YOU CAN DO
ON MY TERRIBLE COOKING.

Barnaby says HOW'S THE SAUCE COMING?

Joyce says IT'S A WEE BIT LUMPY.
TASTES OKAY THOUGH.

The slate changes to "10. And visit one of the local pubs."

A woman says CHEERS!

Neil says I, IN THE LAST
SEVEN OR EIGHT YEARS
HAVE SPENT QUITE A LOT
OF TIME IN THE LOCAL PUB.

Barnaby says I THOUGHT IF I WAS GONNA
GET TO KNOW THE PLACE,
I OUGHT TO START IN THE
PUB, NICE TO MEET YOU.

Ian says IT'S SEEN AS THE HUB
AND CENTER OF THE VILLAGE
AND IT'S A VERY,
VERY GOOD DEVICE
FOR GETTING VARIOUS
CHARACTERS TOGETHER.

A bartender says KIA'S OVER THERE.

A young man says OH, LOOK.

The bartender says I'LL BRING THE DRINKS
OVER ON THE HOUSE.

Nick says EVERY SINGLE EPISODE PROBABLY
HAS A PUB INVOLVED
IN IT SOMEHOW,
BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS
HAVE THE VILLAGE GREEN,
YOU'VE GOT THE CHURCH,
YOU'VE GOT THE SCHOOL,
YOU'VE GOT THE POST
OFFICE, WHATEVER
AND YOU'VE ALWAYS GOT THE PUB.

Ian says JUST THINKING BACK
A FEW YEARS BACK,
"MAID IN SPLENDOR,"
WHICH IS ALL ABOUT A PUB,
I THINK YOU'LL FIND
THAT THAT WAS FOUR
DIFFERENT PUBS IN ONE PUB,
THE EXTERIOR WAS IN
DORCHESTER-ON-THAMES,
THEN I THINK THERE
WERE TWO INTERIORS
IN TOTALLY DIFFERENT VILLAGES,
THEN WHEN THE PUB HAD A
MAKEOVER AT THE VERY END,
THAT WAS ANOTHER PUB, HOPEFULLY
THE VIEWER NEVER NOTICED IT,
THEY WENT THROUGH ONE DOOR
AND APPEARED IN ANOTHER
IN COMPLETELY ANOTHER BUILDING.

Clips of different episodes play as the actors speak.

Neil says WE'VE HAD SOME DODGY BARMEN
AND THEN WE HAD LOVELY
NEIL MORRISSEY OF COURSE
RAN A PUB FROM SERIES 19.

A man with a beard says SOMEONE SABOTAGES MY PUB,
THEN SURE AS HELL
I'M GONNA HIT BACK.

Nick says WE ALSO HAVE SOME BEAUTIFUL
LOOKING PUBS IN ENGLAND,
WHERE WE FILM OUT IN
THE BUCKINGHAMSHIRE,
OXFORDSHIRE COUNTRYSIDE,
EVERY VILLAGE DOES HAVE A PUB
AND WE'VE MANAGED TO FILM
INSIDE THEM, OUTSIDE THEM
AND IT'S SOMETHING THAT
PEOPLE RECOGNIZE ALWAYS
AND YOU KNOW, THE
PUB WILL ALWAYS BE
AT THE HEART OF BRITAIN
AND THEREFORE "MIDSOMER."

Barnaby says CHEERS!

The slate changes to "11. Try one of the local drinks."

Barnaby drinks a beer and says MM, THAT'S GOOD, I NEEDED THAT.

Nick says WE HAVE AN EPISODE
WHICH IS SET IN A BREWERY,
TERRIBLE THINGS HAPPEN,
THE BEER WAS GREAT,
I'M SURE HIGHLY AFFORDABLE,
SOMEONE MAYBE DIED IN THE BEER.

Ian says "MIDSOMER'S" GOT QUITE A
HISTORY OF BREWING ALCOHOL,
NONE OF IT PARTICULARLY
SUCCESSFUL,
IF YOU REMEMBER IN
"NIGHT OF THE STAG,"
THEY ALL START BEING SICK.

Barnaby throws up.

A Male Inspector says ARE YOU ALRIGHT, SIR?

Barnaby says DO I LOOK ALRIGHT?

Ian says I PERSONALLY
WOULDN'T DRINK THE BEER
AFTER WE'VE FOUND SOMEONE
DROWNED IN VARIOUS VATS.

An old man finds a dead man in a vat and says OH, MY GOD!

Ian says AND I THINK YOU'LL FIND
THAT IN THE VINEYARD,
THE WINE CRITIC ACTUALLY
LOATHED THE WINE.

A Female wine critic says LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
I HAVE TASTED SOME GREAT
ENGLISH WINES IN MY TIME,
UNFORTUNATELY THIS
IS NOT ONE OF THEM.

Ian says NOT ONLY THAT,
WAS THEN FOUND DEAD,
BECAUSE OF THE POISONOUS
FUMES IN THE VATS.

(ominous haunting music plays)

A woman says HELP ME!
PLEASE! (coughing)
(liquid gurgling)

John says FROM BOOZE TO TUNES NOW
AS WE FIND TIME TO
LISTEN TO THE MUSIC.

The slate changes to "Listen to some live music."

(electricity buzzing)
(screaming)

Jane says ONE OF THE REALLY AMAZING
THINGS ABOUT "MIDSOMER MURDERS."
WAS THAT THE MUSIC
WAS ALL WRITTEN FOR
EACH INDIVIDUAL EPISODE
AND THE MUSICIANS
WERE GOT TOGETHER
BY OUR WONDERFUL
COMPOSER, JIM PARKER
AND THEY WOULD
RECORD EACH EPISODE.
I THOUGHT THE MUSIC
WAS ABSOLUTE GENIUS.

The caption changes to "Jim Parker. Composer."

In his seventies and bald, Jim says I WANTED TO USE THE THEREMIN
AND IT'S AN INSTRUMENT
THAT'S BASED ON SOUND WAVES,
IT'S GOT TWO ANTENNAE,
ONE IS FOR PITCH AND
ONE IS FOR VOLUME
AND YOU SORT OF WAVE
YOUR HANDS AROUND
AND YOU KNOW, DEPENDING
WHAT YOU DO, YOU GET NOTES.

Barnaby and an old man with long hair play guitar and sing I LOVE THE WAY YOU WALK
I LOVE THE WAY YOU TALK
I LOVE THE WAY YOU WALK
YOU'RE MY BABY,
GOT MY EYES ON YOU

Mark says LIVE MUSIC IS ALWAYS FUN
AND ALWAYS A BONUS TO ANY
EPISODE I'M WORKING ON,
I LOVE HEARING AND SEEING
THE MUSIC PERFORMED.
IN ONE OF THEM WAS "THE
BALLAD OF MIDSOMER,"
WHEN WE HAD LUCIE JONES,
THE EUROVISION SINGER.

A young woman sings COME SIT BY ME ALL
YOU FINE LORDS AND LADDIES
I'LL TELL YOU THE TALE
OF YOUNG JOHN HENRY

Jim says WELL, QUITE OFTEN, I
MEAN, IN THE MUSICAL SENSE,
AN ACTOR IS SUPPOSED TO
BE PLAYING AN INSTRUMENT
OR SINGING OR CONDUCTING,
THEY OFTEN NEED SOME KIND
OF HELP IN THAT DIRECTION,
SOMETIMES THEY'RE VERY GOOD,
RECENTLY I HAD SIMON
CALLOW PLAYING THE VIOLA,
HE LOOKED FOR ALL THE WORLD
LIKE THE WORLD'S
BEST VIOLA PLAYER.
(melodic orchestral music plays)
QUITE OFTEN PEOPLE HAVE
TO LOOK VERY COMPETENT
AT PLAYING A PARTICULAR
INSTRUMENT OR INDEED SINGING.
WE HAD ONE PARTICULAR EPISODE,
WHICH WAS ABOUT A
PIANO COMPETITION,
WE HAD SOME VERY YOUNG ARTISTS,
WHO WERE VERY GOOD AT THE JOB,
BUT THEY OBVIOUSLY
COULDN'T REALLY PLAY
BEETHOVEN'S PATHETIQUE SONATA
AND THAT SORT OF THING,
WHICH IS VERY DIFFICULT,
EVEN FOR A PROFESSIONAL,
SO THEY HAD TO LOOK REALLY
GOOD AND REALLY ON THE BALL
AND WE ALSO HAD AN
ELECTRIC GUITAR PROGRAM,
WHICH WAS CALLED
"THE AXEMAN COMETH."
AND THE GREATEST,
JACK THE AXEMAN MCKINLEY!
(audience cheering)
(mellow rock music)
WHERE THE SINGER
GOT ELECTROCUTED
AND THE DRUMMER WAS
DEAF, THAT WAS FUN.

A blond woman sings WAH

She gets electrocuted.

Jim says THE OTHER DIFFICULT
THING IS THAT OCCASIONALLY
ONE IS INVITED TO
WRITE A MASTERPIECE,
ONE WAS CALLED
"MIDSOMER RHAPSODY,"
WHERE A MANUSCRIPT FROM
A BRILLIANT COMPOSER
WHO IS DEAD WAS DISCOVERED
AND OF COURSE I HAD TO WRITE
THIS ALLEGED MASTERPIECE
CALLED "MIDSOMER RHAPSODY,"
AND THEN WE HAD PETER CAPALDI,
BEFORE HE DID HIS "DOCTOR
WHO" STINT, HE HAD TO CONDUCT,
HE NEEDED SOME HELP FIRST,
AS YOU WOULD, YOU KNOW,
'CAUSE IT LOOKS EASY AND IT
ISN'T ALL THAT EASY ACTUALLY
AND QUITE OFTEN WE HAVE A CHOIR
AND MEMBERS OF THE CAST ARE
DOTTED AROUND THE CHOIR.

John says AH, THE WONDERFUL BARRY JACKSON,
OUR PATHOLOGIST, BULLARD
SINGING IN THE CHOIR THERE.

The slate changes to "13. Reflect upon the past."

A Woman says OFF WITH HIS HEAD!
(whooshing blade)
(crowd cheering)
An animation shows a man being beheaded.

John says I MYSELF
HAVE ALWAYS MAINTAINED
"MIDSOMER MURDERS."
IS A COSTUME DRAMA
IN CONTEMPORARY CLOTHING, THE
SHOW'S APPARENT AGELESS APPEAL
IS PERHAPS THAT IT IS TRAPPED
IN THE EMBER OF ANOTHER TIME.
THIS VIEW IS IN PART
DOWN TO SOME EPISODES
OFFERING MORE THAN A PASSING NOD
TO OUR RICH PASTORAL
HERITAGE, A WINDOW ON HISTORY
PLAYED OUT AS FULSOMELY AND
FIENDISHLY AS YOU'D EXPECT.
BUT THIS TRIP DOWN MEMORY
LANE ISN'T MERE WISTFULNESS,
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU
HAVE SPECTACULARS
SUCH AS THE SWING AND JIVE NIGHT
AT MORTON FENDLE PARISH HALL,
THE ANNUAL QUITEWELL BATTLE DAY,
THE MIDSOMER BARTON
OAK APPLE WEEK
AND NEVER FORGET THE
ANNUAL BADGER'S DRIFT FETE,
WHICH ALL SERVE AS A
CANVAS FOR US TO SKETCH OUT
ANCIENT SECRETS, GRUDGES AND
DISPUTES FROM DOWN THE AGES,
YOU SEE, "MIDSOMER" VILLAGES
SPECIALIZE IN BRINGING
ANCIENT HISTORY BACK TO
LIFE AND OF COURSE DEATH.

In a costume, Barnaby says EVERYONE, GET DOWN!
(screaming)
(glass shattering)

The slate changes to "14. Have an affair."

A man wearing round glasses says I BELIEVE HE'S GOT A
SECRET PASSION, OUR NICKO.

A man with a brown sweater says IT'S NOT FOR DUSTING.

The man wearing round glasses says I THINK HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR.

Neil says ANOTHER RECURRING THEME
THAT THE AVID VIEWER
MAY HAVE NOTICED
ABOUT "MIDSOMER."
OF COURSE IS THE
PREVALENCE OF AFFAIRS,
MAYBE THERE ISN'T AS MUCH
TO DO IN THE COUNTRYSIDE
AND SOME OF THIS OF COURSE
WAS BEFORE THE DAWN
OF THE INTERNET,
SO PEOPLE HAD TO MAKE
THEIR OWN ENTERTAINMENT.
THERE HAVE BEEN OVER 120
AFFAIRS, I UNDERSTAND
IN THE VARIOUS
EPISODES IN "MIDSOMER."

A blond woman says YOU'RE THE ONLY MAN I
KNOW WHO SMELLS LIKE A POOF
AND SHAGS LIKE A RHINO.

Daniel says THERE WAS ANOTHER EPISODE
CALLED "DARK AUTUMN,"
WHICH WAS ONE OF MY
FAVORITE EPISODES.
THERE'S A LOCAL POSTMAN,
WHO'S HAVING AFFAIRS
WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

A woman in her forties says NO, DAVE, DON'T BE STUPID.

Daniel says TROY FALLS IN LOVE
WITH A LOCAL POLICEWOMAN,
PLAYED BY GILLIAN KEARNEY
AND THEY DANCE UNDERNEATH
A GLITTER BALL,
WHICH IS REALLY BEAUTIFUL,
IT'S REALLY ROMANTIC
AND SHE TALKS ABOUT
LOVING POETRY,
SO HE BUYS HER A BOOK OF POETRY.
IN THE END, SHE TURNS OUT TO
HAVE BEEN ONE OF THE PEOPLE,
WHO IS HAVING AN
AFFAIR WITH THE POSTMAN
AND THE MURDERER
WAS IN LOVE WITH HER
AND SO HE SAVES HER FROM
ROBERT GLENISTER'S CHARACTER.

In a clip showing that scene, Troy yells HEY!

Jonathan says I MEAN, BEFORE
JOINING "MIDSOMER,"
I HAD NO IDEA WHAT WENT ON
IN THESE LITTLE VILLAGES,
BUT CERTAINLY NOW I KNOW IT ALL.
I WOULD SAY PRETTY
MUCH EVERY EPISODE
THAT WE WRITE HAS
AN AFFAIR SOMEWHERE
AND I LIKE TO THINK THAT
YOU NEVER SEE IT COMING,
BUT THEY'RE QUITE FILTHY,
WHAT THEY GET UP TO IN
THESE LITTLE VILLAGES.

A woman with short blond hair says YOU ARE WITHOUT DOUBT
THE VAINEST, BLATANTEST,
LOATHESOMEST SERIAL WOMANIZER
IN THE HISTORY OF ADULTERY!

A man lying in bed says I THOUGHT YOU WAS
AT THE CASH AND CARRY.

Neil says THERE WAS A MARVELOUS
EPISODE, I REMEMBER
CALLED "GARDEN OF DEATH" IN
WHICH I MYSELF IN A FORMER LIFE
PLAYED A YOUNG MAN
WHO WAS A GARDENER,
SOMETHING OF A SAUCY GARDENER
WORKING AT THE BIG HOUSE
WITH A NUMBER OF LOVELY WOMEN,
I THINK THERE WAS THE
INFERENCE IN THE STORY,
THAT MY CHARACTER,
THE SAUCY GARDENER
WAS VARIOUSLY BEING SAUCY
WITH ANYBODY WHO'D
BE SAUCY WITH HIM.

A brunette woman says OH, WE CARE ABOUT
VILLAGE OPINION NOW, DO WE?

Barnaby says DON'T BE STUPID.

The brunette woman says OR MAYBE YOU'RE JUST
KEEPING ALL YOUR OPTIONS OPEN.

Barnaby says WHAT OPTIONS?

The brunette says WELL, THERE MUST BE
SOMEBODY IN THE VILLAGE
YOU HAVEN'T SLEPT WITH YET.

Neil says HE ALSO TRIED TO BE
SAUCY WITH JOYCE BARNABY,
WIFE OF TOM BARNABY.

Talking to Joyce, John Barnaby says I'D BE QUITE HAPPY TO COME BACK
AND MAKE SURE
EVERYTHING'S NICELY.

Tom Barnaby says BEDDED IN?

John Barnaby AH!

Neil says BUT YES, THERE'S ALWAYS
THAT SLIGHT FRISSON
OF SOMETHING MIGHT HAPPEN
BETWEEN ANY TWO PEOPLE
ANYWHERE IN "MIDSOMER."
AT ANY TIME,
IT'S A PART OF THE EXCITEMENT
OF LIVING IN THE COUNTRY.
IF YOU'RE NOT BEING MURDERED,
YOU'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR,
IF YOU'RE NOT DOING EITHER,
YOU'RE REALLY NOT LIVING,
YOU MIGHT AS WELL
MOVE TO THE CITY.

John says NOT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN
AND IN THE WORLD OF CRIME,
WHERE THERE ARE AFFAIRS,
THERE IS OF COURSE BLACKMAIL.

The caption changes to "15. Blackmail your neighbor."

Tom watches a video.

Joyce says WHERE'S THIS COME FROM?

Tom says HM, THIS?
SOME OIK IS USING THIS TO
BLACKMAIL ONE OF MY SUSPECTS,
SUSPECT PLAYING THE LEAD.

Jonathan says ONE OF THE CHALLENGES
WHEN CRAFTING EACH
EPISODE OF "MIDSOMER."
IS TO MAKE SURE WE HAVE AS
MANY RED HERRINGS AS POSSIBLE
AND THE BEST WAY
I THINK TO DO THAT
IS TO GIVE EACH
CHARACTER A SECRET.

Tom says YOU HAPPY IN IT,
ARE YOU IN SPITE OF A BRAT
LIKE DAVID COOKE WITH
AN E BLACKMAILING YOU?

A blond man says YOU'VE GOT THAT
WRONG, HE ISN'T.

Tom says YES, HE IS.
YOU TELL ME WHY
AND I'LL STOP HIM.

Jonathan says SO OFTEN BLACKMAIL IS
ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL,
IT'S PERFECT, JUICY,
DRAMATIC TERRITORY,
BECAUSE IT GIVES CHARACTERS
REASON TO HATE AND
DESPISE ONE ANOTHER.

Fleur says SOMEONE BROKE IN TO DRONE HQ,
I THINK WE CAN USE
IT TO OUR ADVANTAGE.

Daniel says THE ORIGINAL
PROPONENTS OF THAT
WERE THE RAINBIRDS
IN "BADGER'S DRIFT,"
I MEAN THEY WERE JUST A
CLASSIC "MIDSOMER" FAMILY.

An elderly woman on the phone says 500 POUNDS, MRS. LESSITER,
THAT'S WHAT IT'LL
COST TO KEEP ME QUIET,
OTHERWISE I'VE GOT A
STORY TO TELL, HAVEN'T I?

Daniel says AND THEY HAD A LOOKOUT POST
AT THE TOP OF THEIR HOUSE
FROM WHICH THEY COULD VIEW
THE WHOLE OF THE VILLAGE,
THEY SAW ALL THE GOINGS ON,
SO THEY BEGAN BLACKMAILING
PEOPLE AROUND THE VILLAGE
AND THAT ULTIMATELY
LED TO THEIR DEMISE.

The elderly woman says DENNIS?

John says POOR DENNIS, SUCH A NICE YOUNG MAN.

Dennis drops to the floor.

The elderly woman says AH!
UH!
UH!

She gets stabbed.

John says NOW LET'S LOOK
AT SOME OF THE FINE ACTORS
WHO VISITED "MIDSOMER."

The caption changes to "16. Spot the local celebs."

The animated man gets killed and says ARGH!

Jane says OF COURSE AN ENORMOUS
PART OF "MIDSOMER MURDERS."
ALWAYS WAS THE GUEST STARS.

Jonathan says WE LIKE OUR GUEST CHARACTERS
TO BE THESE LARGER THAN
LIFE FLAMBOYANT FIGURES
AND IN DOING SO,
WE GET TO ATTRACT
A STELLAR LINE UP
OF GUEST ACTORS.

A man in his forties says DEATH BY PITCHFORK,
PERSONALLY I'VE NEVER
SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT.

Jane says THERE WERE ALSO A
LOT OF YOUNG ACTORS,
ONE OF WHOM I ACTUALLY
HAD SOME PART IN CASTING,
BECAUSE ORLANDO BLOOM
HAD BEEN A STUDENT
AT THE GUILDHALL SCHOOL AND
I DID SOME TUTORING THERE
AND A SCRIPT CAME
UP AND I THOUGHT
YEAH, ORLANDO COULD PLAY
THE HELL OUT OF THIS
AND I SUGGESTED HIM FOR IT
AND HE GOT THE PART
UNSURPRISINGLY REALLY,
HE REALLY WAS
INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS
AND THEN HE GOT PITCHFORKED
TO DEATH BEFORE THE FIRST ASK.

(light suspenseful music plays)

Orlando Bloom's character gets killed.

He says WHAT?
OH!

Ian says ORLANDO BLOOM HEARD HE GOT
THE PART IN "LORD OF THE RINGS."
WHILE HE WAS FILMING WITH US.
I MEAN, OVER 20 YEARS WE MUST
HAVE HAD WELL OVER 1000 ACTORS
IN THIS SERIES AND
OVER THAT TIME,
WE'VE MANAGED TO HELP A
LOT OF VERY FAMOUS PEOPLE
ADVANCE THEIR CAREERS, HUGH
BONNEVILLE, HENRY CAVILL,
OLIVIA COLMAN WENT FROM
WAITRESS TO THE QUEEN.

Jane says THERE WERE SO MANY GREAT
ACTORS WHO CAME THROUGH IT.
I PARTICULARLY ENJOYED
WORKING WITH GEMMA JONES
IN THE EPISODE ABOUT
THE BELL RINGING.

A woman in her fifties says YOU'RE A BELL RINGER.
YOU HAVE AN OUTSTANDING
DEBT TO PAY, ALL OF YOU.

A blond man says DEBT?

The woman in her fifties says FROM 1860.

Jason says MY VERY FIRST EPISODE WAS
GEORGIE BAKER, WHO PLAYED TWINS,
SO THEY ONLY HAD TO PAY
HIM ONCE TO PLAY TWO ROLES,
I REMEMBER JOHN NETTLES
LAUGHING ABOUT THAT,
THAT THEY'D MANAGED TO GET
GEORGE BAKER REALLY CHEAP.
I DO REMEMBER BEING VERY EXCITED
WHEN KEN CRANHAM CAME
AND GETTING A CHANCE
TO DO STUFF WITH HIM,
EDWARD FOX, SASKIA
REEVES, MARK GATISS,
BOB PUGH PLAYED A
GREAT PART IN IT,
I MEAN, THE LIST GOES ON
AND ON AND ON, YOU KNOW.

Nick says I'VE BEEN VERY LUCKY TO
WORK WITH SOME GREAT PEOPLE,
BILL BAILEY, HE WAS
BRILLIANT, A LOT OF FUN.

A man in his fifties with long hair says NO, NO, NO, LIFT, NOT
DRAG, PLEASE, SOME RESPECT.

Nick says WE'VE HAD HUGH DENNIS,
NEIL MORRISSEY, SIMON CALLOW.

Jane says AND I JUST LOVED
RICHARD BRIERS,
WHO PLAYED THE EVIL
VICAR, HE WAS TERRIFIC,
BECAUSE ALL THE WAY THROUGH IT,
HE APPEARED TO BE, AS
RICHARD BRIERS OFTEN DID,
THE NICEST PERSON YOU'D
EVER MET IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE
AND WHEN HE WENT EVIL,
HE WENT REALLY EVIL,
IT WAS IMPRESSIVE.

A man with brown hair says PLEASE COME IN.

(blade whooshing)
The vicar stabs him.

The man with brown hair says ARGH!

(body thudding to floor)

Daniel says HE WAS JUST PHENOMENAL,
WHEN HE DID HIS CONFESSION,
WE WERE IN A CHURCH
AND HE DECIDED
HE WASN'T GOING TO BLINK
FOR THE WHOLE OF THE TAKE
AND I THINK THE TAKE WAS ABOUT
THREE AND A HALF MINUTES,
SO HE DIDN'T BLINK, SO
THOSE PIERCING BLUE EYES
AND THEN HE MAKES A BOLT FOR IT
AND HE RUNS UP A SET OF
STAIRS UP TO THE CHURCH ROOF.

Tom yells GET AFTER HIM, TROY!

Daniel says NOW I HAD TO SAY HANG ON,
THERE'S GOT TO BE A MOMENT
WE'RE GONNA PAUSE HERE,
BECAUSE SURELY I CAN
CATCH A 70-YEAR OLD MAN,
SO HE SAID OKAY, OKAY, HE'LL
KICK YOU UP AT ONE POINT,
SO HE KICKS ME BACK DOWN THE
STAIRS AND WE GET TO THE ROOF,
HE'S CLIMBING OVER THE TOWER
AND HE'S ABOUT TO JUMP OFF.
THEY WERE SETTING UP EVERYTHING
AND I SAID TO RICHARD,
I SAID I USED TO LOVE
"ROOBARB AND CUSTARD."
WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY,
THAT WAS MY FAVORITE
PROGRAM WHEN I WAS LITTLE
AND HE STOOD THERE
AND THE 15 MINUTES AT
THE TOP OF THAT TOWER,
I WAS A FOUR-YEAR OLD BOY AGAIN,
BECAUSE HE DID A FULL RENDITION
OF "ROOBARB AND CUSTARD."
AND IT'S ONE OF THE BEST
MEMORIES I HAVE OF "MIDSOMER,"
'CAUSE HE WAS SUCH A SPECIAL
MAN, SUCH A WONDERFUL ACTOR
AND THEN HE DID THIS SCENE
WHERE HE HAD TO THEN STAND
AT THE TOP OF THE REAL
CHURCH ROOF, ABOUT 80 FOOT UP
AND HE JUMPS OFF ONTO
A SCAFFOLDING AND
HE DID IT HIMSELF.

Troy says SIR, DON'T DO IT!

The Vicar says OF COURSE I'M GOING TO DO IT,
I SHOULD HAVE DONE IT YEARS AGO.

Troy yells NO!

(screaming)
The vicar jumps from a roof.
(body thudding to ground)

Daniel says AND HE JUST JUMPS AND
IT'S REALLY SHOCKING.
WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY
AS A YOUNG ACTOR
TO WORK WITH SOME OF THE
GREATS OF 20TH CENTURY FILM
AND TELEVISION AND
THEATRICAL CIRCLES,
I MEAN, IT WAS AN
ABSOLUTE JOY FOR ME,
BUT HE WAS ONE OF MY HIGHLIGHTS.

The slate changes to "17. Avoid the long arm of the law."

Jamie says I'M A POLICE OFFICER!
DETECTIVE SERGEANT WINTER,
COULD I PLEASE JUST REACH
FOR MY WARRANT CARD?

An old woman points at Jamie with a rifle.

She says WELL, WHY DIDN'T
YOU JUST SAY THAT?

Jamie says WELL, YOU DIDN'T
GIVE ME A CHANCE!
DO YOU NORMALLY GREET YOUR
VISITORS WITH A SHOTGUN?

The old woman says IT WAS ONLY A WARNING SHOT,
I WAS AIMING AT THE BUCKET,
DO YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT?

Jamie says NO, NO!

Neil says I GATHER THAT OVER THE YEARS
THERE HAVE BEEN SURVEYS
MADE OF ACTUAL POLICEMEN,
WHO HAVE BEEN ASKED WHICH
PROGRAMS ARE MOST ACCURATE
IN THEIR DEPICTION OF POLICE
LIFE AND POLICE PROCEDURE
AND IT TURNS OUT, YOU MAY
STRUGGLE TO BELIEVE THIS,
THAT "MIDSOMER
MURDERS" IS CONSIDERED
BY MANY POLICE PROFESSIONALS
TO BE THE MOST ACCURATE
PORTRAYAL OF POLICE LIFE
THEY'VE EVER, NO, SORRY,
THE LEAST ACCURATE PORTRAYAL
OF POLICE LIFE
THEY'VE EVER SEEN.

Tom says I AM UNDER HOUSE ARREST.

A Male Inspector says WHAT?

Tom says YEAH WELL, LET'S LOOK AT THIS.
YOU KEEP LOOKING FOR HER.

Tom shows him a picture of a woman.

The Male Inspector says SHOULD YOU BE TAKING THOSE?

Tom says NO.

The Male Inspector says OKAY.

Daniel says IT WAS NEVER TOO HOT
ON PROCEDURAL ACCURACY,
WE'D NOTIONALLY MAYBE
PUT A PAIR OF GLOVES ON,
BUT TROY WOULD OFTEN PICK
SOMETHING UP WITH A HANDKERCHIEF
OR TAKE HIS OWN SWISS ARMY
KNIFE OUT OF HIS POCKET
AND PICK THINGS UP WITH IT,
HE'D WALK ACROSS A CRIME
SCENE WITH HIS BIG SIZE 10S,
I THINK THAT'S THE CHARM OF
IT, I THINK IT WAS NEVER ABOUT
FORENSICALLY GETTING
SOMETHING MASSIVELY ACCURATE,
IT WAS MORE ABOUT, WELL, HIM
STUMBLING ONTO SOME EVIDENCE
THAT BARNABY WOULD THEN UNCOVER.

Troy says THIS AND THE TORN UP CHECK
WERE IN THE WASTE BIN
UNDER ALL THIS LOT,
WORTH TESTING I THINK IN CASE
THE LETTER FROM EMMA TIES IN.

Tom says GET IT DOWN TO THE
LAB STRAIGHTAWAY.

Troy says SIR.

Daniel says THE ONE MOMENT THAT
STICKS IN MY MIND
IS THE RICHARD BRIERS EPISODE,
THERE'S A DECAPITATED HEAD AND
TROY IS A DETECTIVE SERGEANT,
SO HE'S RISEN THROUGH
THE RANKS QUITE A BIT.
THEY'RE EXAMINING THE
BODY AND HE ASKS BARNABY.
Troy says WHAT'S THAT HE'S
GOT IN HIS HAND?

An old man says IT LOOKS LIKE A PEAR.

Daniel says NOW THIS MAN CAN'T
RECOGNIZE FRUIT,
I ALWAYS THOUGHT
THAT WAS RATHER NICE,
HE'S A DETECTIVE SERGEANT,
HE'S IN CHARGE OF
MURDER INVESTIGATIONS
AND HE'S PART OF
A DETECTIVE DUO,
THAT HAVE 100 PERCENT SUCCESS RATE,
YET HE CAN'T RECOGNIZE YOUR
COMMON OR GARDEN FRUIT.

Troy says I KNEW WE HAD A CASE
AS SOON AS I SAW THAT
TERRIFIC CRACK ON HER HEAD.

Tom says OH, YEAH?

Troy says NO WATER IN THE LUNGS,
DEVEREUX THREW HER
IN, STANDS TO REASON.

Tom says SOMETIMES I
WONDER WHY WE BOTHER
GOING THROUGH ALL
THE USUAL PROCEDURES,
WE COULD JUST COME
STRAIGHT TO YOU.

Jonathan says I DON'T THINK VIEWERS TUNE IN
FOR DNA EVIDENCE
AND CCTV FOOTAGE,
INSTEAD I THINK
THEY'D FAR SOONER
SEE BARNABY INTERROGATE HIS
SUSPECTS OVER A PICNIC TABLE
THAN IN A DARK AND
DINGY POLICE CELL.

A man in his forties with black hair says ANY DIFFERENCES I HAD
WITH GRADY WERE IDEOLOGICAL
AND I'M NOT PSYCHOPATHIC,
I WOULDN'T KILL OVER IT.

John Barnaby says GRADY PALMERSTON
THOUGHT YOU WOULD.

Neil says I DON'T THINK THAT'S REALLY
WHY PEOPLE WATCH "MIDSOMER."
FOR THAT DEGREE OF SUPPOSEDLY
SORT OF SCIENTIFIC
ACCURACY AND DETAIL.

The old man says I'M TAKING HIM
BACK TO THE LAB, TOM.

Tom says ANY INITIAL THOUGHTS?

The old man says YES, HE'S DEAD!

Neil says WHEN I FIRST JOINED THE SHOW,
I THINK IT WAS MENTIONED
TO ME TWO OR THREE TIMES
WHETHER ON APPEARING
AT A MURDER SCENE,
I'D LIKE TO GET INTO THE LITTLE
BLUE SHOES AND THE BLUE SUIT
WITH THE BLUE HOOD
AND THE BLUE GLOVES
AND I SAID NO, THANK YOU,
I'LL LOOK LIKE A SMURF.

The slate changes to "18. Play some Midsomer sports."

(golf club swinging)

The animated man says BALL!
UH!

John says TIME FOR CRICKET
AND BOTH SERGEANTS
GETTING PHYSICAL.

(cheerful upbeat music)
An episode shows the characters playing golf.

Jason says WHEN I WAS ON THE SHOW,
ONE OF THE THINGS
THAT I LIKED TO DO
WAS JUST TO REMIND EVERYBODY
HOW MUCH I LOVE PLAYING SPORT,
SO I THOUGHT THIS
WAS A VERY GOOD WAY
OF BEING ABLE TO HAVE KIND
OF FUN WITH CERTAIN SPORTS,
WHILST SORT OF DOING MY JOB.
THEY HAD TWO CRICKET EPISODES
THAT I WAS INVOLVED IN,
WHICH WAS FABULOUS,
BECAUSE IN ONE EPISODE I
WAS A REALLY GOOD BATSMAN.

(air horn blaring)

A Male Announcer says AND THERE IT IS!
AND THANKS TO BATSMAN,
THROUGH TO THE FINAL
WITH AN EXCELLENT (CROWD
DROWNING OUT SPEAKER).

Jason says IN THE OTHER ONE, I
WAS A REALLY GOOD BOWLER
AND THAT WAS THE FIRST
CRICKET EPISODE THAT WE DID,
SO JOHN HAD TO LEARN
THE RULES OF CRICKET.

Tom says THERE ARE 42 BASIC
AREAS IN CRICKET RULES
AND THEY ARE SPLIT INTO
NUMBERED SUBHEADINGS,
WHICH PRODUCE THOUSANDS,
THOUSANDS OF SUB-SUB-CLAUSES.
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE
YOU FOR THIS.

Jason says HE WAS NOT PLAYING,
HE WAS UMPIRING
AND I REMEMBER QUERYING IT,
WHEN WE WERE FILMING IT,
BECAUSE I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND
WHY HE WAS BEING
SO CRUEL TO JONES,
BECAUSE JONES WAS BOWLING
PEOPLE OUT QUITE LEGITIMATELY
AND HE WAS KIND OF
SAYING, "NOT OUT."

(cheering)
The Male Inspector says HOW'S THAT?

Tom says NOT OUT.

The Male Inspector says IT WAS LBW!
(players complaining)
OH, IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

Jason says AND I KEPT TURNING
TO HIM ALL THE TIME,
YOU KNOW, IN CHARACTER OBVIOUSLY
TO SAY YOU KNOW, WHY, COME
ON, HE'S OUT, HE'S LBW
AND "NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT."

The Male Inspector says HOW'S THAT?

Tom says NO BALL!

The Male Inspector says WHAT?

Tom says FOOT WAS OVER THE LINE, YARDS.
GET ON WITH IT.

Jason says I CAN NEVER REMEMBER
WHY OTHER THAN THE FACT
THAT BARNABY ABSOLUTELY
LOVED THE FACT
THAT JONES WAS GETTING IRATE,
BECAUSE HE WAS LEGITIMATELY
BOWLING OUT THESE PEOPLE
AND BARNABY JUST
FOR THE HELL OF IT
WAS NOT GONNA LET
HIM HAVE THE WICKETS
AND I THINK NOT ONLY BARNABY,
BUT JOHN ENJOYED ALL
THAT TREMENDOUSLY.

The Male Inspector says OH, THANK YOU.

Jason continues IT SORT OF SEEMS TO BE
FULL OF THINGS LIKE THAT,
TENNIS, BADMINTON,
THEN THERE WAS GOLF,
WHICH WAS ALSO TREMENDOUS FUN.

A man in the woods says 'CAUSE I'M READY IF YOU ARE.

(golf club whacking)

Mark says IN SERIES 20, WE HAD A
GREAT SPORTING LOCATION,
IT WAS MADE EVEN
MORE INTERESTING,
BECAUSE THE WHOLE TEAM
INCLUDING A LOT OF THE CREW
HAD TO LEARN HOW TO DO A HAKA.

A male team sings the Haka.

The slate changes to "19. Consider the local obsession for murder."
(screaming)

Tom says MISS TANNER, I
REGRET TO INFORM YOU
THAT YOUR BROTHER,
RICHARD TANNER IS DEAD.

Daniel says MY VERY FAVORITE MURDER
IS JONATHAN COY IN
"DESTROYING ANGEL."
AND IT IS DEATH
BY DRINKS CABINET.
THE STUNT TEAM HAD NEVER
DONE ANYTHING LIKE IT,
THERE WAS THIS HUGE, ENORMOUS,
GREAT DRINKS CABINET,
THAT WAS FIXED TO THE WALL,
THEY'D RIGGED UP
SOME HANDHOLDS INSIDE
AND SO ON ACTION, THEY HAD TO
PULL THIS THING AND FALL BACK
AND THE STUNTMAN HAD TO
JUMP INSIDE AND LAND,
IT'D NEVER BEEN DONE, THEY'D
NEVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE IT,
THEY DIDN'T KNOW
WHETHER IT WOULD WORK
AND SO WE'RE STANDING
THERE AND EVERYTHING
AND THEN THEY PULLED THIS
THING AND IT GOES WOO
AND IT GOES BOOM!

The scene mentioned plays.

(light suspenseful music)
(wood creaking)
(glass bottles smashing)
(crashing)

Daniel says DUST FLEW UP IN THE
AIR AND EVERYTHING
AND THERE WAS ABSOLUTE SILENCE
AND WE THOUGHT OH, MY GOD, IS
HE DEAD, HAS HE ACTUALLY DIED?
AND THEN THERE'S A
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK
AND OH, MY GOD, NO,
HE'S ALIVE, IT'S FINE,
BUT THEN IT TOOK
ABOUT 10 MINUTES
TO LIFT THIS THING BACK OFF HIM,
ALL THE SPARKS WERE IN,
ALL THE CHIPPIES WERE IN,
EVERYONE WAS TRYING
TO LIFT THIS THING,
'CAUSE THEY HADN'T
APPRECIATED HOW HEAVY IT WAS,
THEY WERE GONNA GET
HIM BACK OUT AGAIN.
HE DIDN'T DIE FROM THE THING,
BUT HE ALMOST DIED OF
SUFFOCATION, I THINK.

Annette says NOW I LOVE CROQUET, IT'S
A VERY ENGLISH GAME TO PLAY
AND I KNOW IT CAN GET VIOLENT,
BUT THE MURDER WHERE A MAN
WAS PINIONED BY
THE CROQUET HOOPS.
A MACHINE THRUSTING HIS OWN
BOTTLES OF VINTAGE WINE AT HIM,
I THOUGHT THAT WAS
PRETTY EXTRAORDINARY.
THE BOTTLES WOULD
HURT AS THEY LANDED
AND THEN AS THEY BROKE AND
DRIBBLED WINE INTO YOUR MOUTH,
YOUR OWN VINTAGE
WINE KILLING YOU,
HIS WIFE WAS MADE
TO WATCH AS WELL.

The scene mentioned plays.

A blond woman in her sixties says CAN I SUGGEST ABOUT
FIVE DEGREES TO THE LEFT.

A man lying on the ground yells NO!

Ian says MY FAVORITE MURDER OF MANY
IS PROBABLY THE SPONTANEOUSLY
COMBUSTING VICAR
IN "THE STRAW WOMAN."
VERY FEW
SHOWS HAVE SHOWED
A CHURCH OF ENGLAND CLERGYMAN
SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST ON CAMERA.

Jane says IT'S FUNNY, THAT IT'S ALWAYS
A FEATURE OF "MIDSOMER,"
EVEN THOUGH THE
MURDERS CAN ACTUALLY
INDIVIDUALLY BE
QUITE UNPLEASANT,
I DO REMEMBER ONE
WITH A HAT PIN,
THAT STAYED WITH ME FOR A WHILE.
(muffled screaming)
THEIR NASTINESS GETS
KIND OF SUBSUMED
INTO THIS GENERALLY
QUITE KIND WORLD,
SO REALLY HORRIBLE
THINGS CAN HAPPEN.
I SUPPOSE IN A WAY
IT'S AN EQUIVALENT
OF READING HORRIBLE FAIRY
TALES, YOU KNOW, "GRIMM'S TALES."
AND SO ON WITH YOUR MOTHER
WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE,
NASTY THINGS HAPPEN
IN THE WORLD,
BUT YOU'RE IN "MIDSOMER,"
YOU'RE IN A SAFE PLACE,
ULTIMATELY IT'S
GONNA BE ALRIGHT.

John Barnaby says WHO WOULD USE A
TANK AS A MURDER WEAPON?

Nick says THERE HAVE BEEN
SOME GREAT MURDERS
OBVIOUSLY OVER THE YEARS,
I'M GONNA PICK ONE FROM THE
SERIES THAT I'VE BEEN IN
AND I WOULD SAY THE ONE
IS THE DEATH BY CHOCOLATE,
AND THERE'S SOMETHING
BEAUTIFULLY ROMANTIC
AND SLIGHTLY RIDICULOUS
ABOUT DEATH BY CHOCOLATE.

In the scene mentioned, Fleur says ENROBED, THAT'S
HOW THEY DESCRIBE IT,
ISN'T IT ON THE BOX?
MIND YOU, THEY'RE USUALLY
TALKING ABOUT A HAZELNUT,
NOT A HEAD.

Neil says WE'VE SEEN PEOPLE
KNOCKED OVER THE HEAD
AND PEOPLE KILLED WITH
A WHEEL OF CHEESE,
BEING CRUSHED UNDER
SHELVES OF CHEESE.
(wood creaking)
(gasping)
CHEESE CAN KILL YOU.

In the scene mentioned, a woman yells NO!
(thudding)

Neil says AMONG OTHER FAVORITES OF MINE,
THERE WAS THE POOR MAN, WHO
HEARD A NOISE OUT IN THE GARDEN,
OUTSIDE HIS CASTLE,
WENT OUT TO INVESTIGATE
AND THEN HEARD SOMETHING
ABOVE HIM, LOOKED UP
AND A GARGOYLE FELL FROM
THE ROOF OF HIS CASTLE
AND CRUSHED HIM TO DEATH.

In the scene mentioned, an old man with a white beard says WHERE'D YOU GO THEN?

Jonathan says WHILST WE ALWAYS TRY
AND MAKE THE MOTIVES
AS EMOTIONALLY
TRUTHFUL AS POSSIBLE,
WE DO ALLOW OUR
WRITERS TO COME UP
WITH THE MOST
FANTASTICALLY THEATRICAL
MURDERS AND DEATHS IMAGINABLE.

(loud banging)
A bride gets shot.
(audience applauding)

John Barnaby says SHE'S BEEN SHOT!

Jonathan says I LOVE THAT,
I THINK IT'S A GREAT PART
OF THE FUN OF THE SERIES
AND IT ALLOWS US ALL
BEHIND THE SCENES
TO BE AS IMAGINATIVE AS POSSIBLE
AND WE HAVE A GREAT TIME
COMING UP WITH THOSE IDEAS.

(children singing)
A straw structure is set on fire. A man hidden inside screams.

The slate changes to "20. Plan your perfect murder."

In off, John says SO WHAT HAVE WE,
WHO HAVE BEEN
INVOLVED IN THE SHOW
LEARNED ABOUT PERFECTING
THE ART OF MURDER?

Annette says THE PERFECT MURDER IS
MEANT TO BE TO USE AN ICICLE.

Nick says I WOULD PROBABLY TRY AND
STAB SOMEONE WITH AN ICICLE.

Daniel says A SHARPENED PIECE OF ICE
DRIVEN THROUGH THE
HEART OF THE VICTIM.

Annette says BECAUSE THE WEAPON DISAPPEARS.

Nicks ays SO IT CAN NEVER BE TRACED,
THERE COULD NEVER BE
FINGERPRINTS OR ANYTHING
AND YOU'D NEVER CATCH ME.

Annette says SAUNTER AWAY, GET
IN THE BLACK JAG,
YOU KNOW, COOL AS A CUCUMBER
AND HE'S LEFT THERE DYING
SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY
WITH THE EVIDENCE DISAPPEARING
IN A WATERY PUDDLE,
QUITE GOOD, EY?

Jim says I'D LIKE TO SUGGEST HOW TO
PERFORM THE PERFECT MURDER,
BUT IN ACTUAL FACT IN
"MIDSOMER MURDERS,"
THE MURDERER ALWAYS GETS CAUGHT.

Jane says I'M NOT SURE "MIDSOMER
MURDERS" IS THE
BEST RESEARCH TOOL.
MOST OF THE TIME THEY
WERE SUCH WILD MURDERS,
I THINK IT WOULD
BE HARD TO CONCEAL.

Jim says I BELIEVE IN REAL LIFE, THEY
SOMETIMES GET AWAY WITH IT,
BUT NOT IN "MIDSOMER MURDERS" .

The end credits roll.

John says SO DEAR VIEWER,
SURELY ENOUGH THERE TO
TEMPT YOU TO VISIT US,
THE SHOW IS SEEN IN OVER
200 TERRITORIES STILL
AND THERE'S MORE MURDER,
MUCH MORE MURDER TO COME.
THOUGH I'M HAPPILY RETIRED
WITH JOYCE IN SOME
UNSTATED LOCATION,
I STILL SLEEP BETTER KNOWING
THAT A YOUNGER BARNABY
AND A LINE UP OF
ENTHUSIASTIC SERGEANTS
WILL KEEP ALL IN THE WORLD
OF "MIDSOMER" SAFE AND SOUND.

Producer and Director, Rachel Glaister for all3media international.

Watch: Midsomer Murders 20th Anniversary Special