Transcript: Dating - How To Make People Like You In 90 Seconds | Sep 06, 2001

(music plays)

A title appears inside the shape of a house says More to Life. Word spin against a red and orange background says Health, Family, Home, Money, Fitness, Life." Fast clips show images related to the previous concepts, such as a dollar bill, a wheat field, and strands of DNA.

In animation, the title appears inside the shape of a house: "More to life."

Then, Mary Ito appears in a studio with textured yellow walls and the logo of the show in the background, which reads "More to life."

Mary is ibn her late thirties, with short black hair. She's wearing a short-sleeved aubergine shirt.

She says HELLO. I'M MARY ITO, AND WELCOME TO "MORE TO LIFE." TODAY ON THE SHOW, WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE INS AND OUTS OF RELATIONSHIPS. LATER ON, WE'LL TELL YOU HOW TO MAKE SOMEONE LIKE YOU IN 90 SECONDS OR LESS. SERIOUSLY. BUT, FIRST, IS IT A PEPPER YOU'LL WINE OR IS IT A SAD FACT OF DATING THAT THERE ARE NO GOOD MEN AROUND? JUST ASK COUNTLESS WOMEN AND THEY'LL TELL YOU THAT'S THE STOREY. IF YOU ASK MEN, THEY'LL SAY, WOMEN ARE FAR TOO DESPERATE, LIGHTEN UP. WE MANAGED TO SECURE ONE GOOD MAN AND BRING HIM INTO THE STUDIO. BEN MULRONEY, WHO'S THE HOST OF THE TALK TV.

Ben is in his twenties, clean-shaven, with dark brown hair gelled back. He's wearing a white shirt.

Mary continues NICE TO KNOW THAT THAT'S YOUR TITLE. WE ALSO HAVE A LOOKING FOR LOVE SINGLE, LAUREN MECHLING, WRITER WITH THE NATIONAL POST.

Lauren is in her twenties, with long wavy brown hair. She's wearing a dark brown shirt.

Mary continues AND WE DO INVITE OUR VIEWERS TO CALL IN TODAY, REVEAL ALL. WE'D LOVE YOU TO PHONE IN ABOUT YOUR FIRST DATE HORRORS, THE DOs AND DON'Ts, THE PET PEEVES AND THE NUMBER TO CALL IN TORONTO IS 416-484-2727. YOU CAN ALSO CALL TOLL FREE, LONG DISTANCE AT 1-888-411-1234.

A caption reads "416-484-2727. 1-888-411-1234."

Mary continues LAUREN, LET ME START WITH YOU FIRST.

Lauren says LET ME SAY, I HAVE MET SOMEONE.

Mary says BECAUSE HE MIGHT BE WATCHING?

Lauren says WELL, WHO KNOWS, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT I WAS SINGLE AS RECENTLY.

Mary says YESTERDAY. OKAY. WELL, YOU CAN GO. WELL, LAUREN, YOU RECENTLY WROTE IN YOUR, OF COURSE, YOU KNOW, SINGLE DAYS, YES, WHICH WASN'T TOO LONG AGO, YOU WROTE A FAIRLY TRAGIC ACCOUNT OF YOUR PROWL THROUGH THE BAR SCENE IN TORONTO. TELL US ABOUT THAT EXPERIENCE.

The caption changes to "Lauren Mechling. National Post."

Lauren says WELL, A FRIEND OF MINE, REBECCA, SHE'S ANOTHER WRITER AT THE NATIONAL POST, WE WENT ON AN EXPERIMENT ONE NIGHT. WE DECIDED TO HIT THE TOWN AND INSTEAD OF STAYING IN THE SAME BAR THAT WE ALWAYS STAY IN WITH OUR... SURROUNDED BY OUR FIVE FRIENDS, WE DECIDED TO GET OUT THERE AND TO SEE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO TRY TO ACTUALLY MEET PEOPLE. SO WE WENT TO ABOUT FIVE OR SIX DIFFERENT PLACES, AND DANGLED OURSELVES IN FRONT OF LONELY DRINKERS.

Mary says YOU KEPT GOING TO THE NEXT BAR AND THE NEXT BAR. YOU WERE HAVING NO LUCK, RIGHT?

Lauren says AND THE NEXT. NO LUCK. NOBODY APPROACHED US AT ALL. AND THERE WEREN'T VERY MANY WOMEN AT ALL IN MANY OF THE PLACES THAT WE WENT. SO IT WAS MOSTLY JUST MEN SUCKING ON THEIR BEER BOTTLES. AND NOTHING HAPPENED. WE THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO GET A DISCO NIGHT OR SOMETHING.

Mary says SO NOW LOOKING REFLECT I HAVELY BACK ON THAT WHOLE SITUATION, WHY DO YOU THINK THAT HAPPENED? I MEAN, WHY DID YOU NOT MEET, AS YOU CALL IT, A NICE GUY THAT NIGHT?

Lauren says WELL, I THINK WE WERE SO AVAILABLE THAT NIGHT THAT NOBODY WOULD HAVE EVEN WANTED TO TALK TO US. I THINK WE WERE BOTH THERE AND WE WEREN'T... WE WERE MAKING AN EFFORT NOT TO HAVE TOO MUCH FUN WITH OURSELVES AND TO TRY TO BE QUIET AND AVAILABLE. AND I THINK IT'S LIKE THE RULE WHERE NOBODY WOULD WANT TO JOIN A CLUB THAT WOULD HAVE A MEMBER.

Mary says WHEN YOU SAY SO AVAILABLE, DO YOU MEAN SO DESPERATE? IS THAT... YOU'RE GIVING OFF THAT AIR OF DESPERATION?

Lauren says WELL, BUT WE WERE OUT THERE. WE WERE CERTAINLY OUT THERE.

Mary says WELL, I MEAN, IF YOU WERE ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, I GUESS IT WORKED TO YOUR ADVANTAGE BECAUSE MY UNDERSTANDING IS YOU GOT A LOT OF INVITATIONS AFTER THAT ARTICLE APPEARED. IS THAT TRUE? LIKE 200 INVITATIONS TO GO OUT?

Lauren says MY IN BOX WAS A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS AFTERWARDS, YEAH.

Mary says WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS? WHAT'S YOUR TAKE ON HER EXPERIENCE? WHERE ARE THE GOOD MEN?

Ben says I JUST THINK, YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE EXPERIMENT IS FLAWED. BECAUSE DANGLES YOURSELF IN FRONT OF THE BEER DRINKERS. THAT'S THE TYPE OF MANURE GOING TO FIND.

Mary says WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEER DRINKERS?

Ben says YOU SAID YOURSELF. YOU WENT TO THESE BARS, THERE'S A BUNCH OF GUYS SITTING AROUND, WEREN'T BEING SOCIAL, THEY WEREN'T HAVING A TERRIBLY GOOD TIME, JUST DRINKING BEER.

Lauren says SHOULDN'T THAT WORK TO OUR BENEFIT?

The caption changes to "Ben Mulroney. Talk TV."

Ben says IT SHOULD HAVE WORKED TO YOUR BENEFIT IF YOU WERE LOOKING FOR, LACK OF A BETTER TERM, A ONE-NIGHT STAND. BY IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A MAN, I DON'T THINK THAT, YOU KNOW, SOMEONE SAID TO DATE, TO FIND A COMPANION, I DON'T THINK THAT THE THING TO DO IS TO GO MEET SOMEONE IN A BAR.

Mary says OKAY. ARE YOU SAYING THEN THAT GUYS IN BARS THEN ARE NOT NICE GUYS THAT, THESE ARE GUYS WHO ARE JUST LOOKING FOR ONE-NIGHTSTANDS?

Ben says THEY'RE NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING. GO OUT AND HAVE A DRINK, MAYBE FLIRT A LITTLE BIT, HAVE SOME TYPE OF CONTACT WITH THE OPPOSITE OF SEX, NOT NECESSARILY TO GO OUT AND FIND THEIR LOVE OF THE LIFE.

Mary says STAY AWAY FROM BARS.

Ben says I DON'T THINK IT'S THE MOST APPROPRIATE PLACE FOR ANY RELATIONSHIP TO START.

Mary says REALLY? I MET MY HUSBAND IN A BAR.

Ben says WHAT KIND OF BAR WAS DID? DIFFERENT TIME, DIFFERENT PLACE. OKAY.

A SO YOU SAY PERHAPS THERE ARE OTHER PLACES.

Lauren says WOULD YOU AGREE WITH ME, IF YOU SAW A WOMAN WHO IS IN A BAR, VAGUELY AATTRACTIVE, BY VIRTUE OF HER BEING IN A BAR, YOU WOULD BE PUT OFF?

Ben says I WOULDN'T BE PUT OFF BY HER, BUT I WOULD... I WOULD SAY THAT GIVEN MY EXPERIENCES AND STORIES I'VE HEARD THAT PERSONAL STATISTICS SHOW THAT THAT PERSON WHETHER I ENGAGE HER IN CONVERSATION, IF I ENGAGE IN HER CONVERSATION, WILL BE NOT END UP BEING THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. I WON'T HAVE A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP WITH HER.

Mary says NOW, LAUREN, IF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING, DID YOU MEET YOUR CURRENT BOYFRIEND FROM A BAR OR NO?

Lauren says NO, I DID NOT.

Mary says NO. WELL, OKAY. I DID. SHE DIDN'T. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? OKAY. SO, WHAT OTHER PLACES THEN? I MEAN, WHERE WERE YOU GO TO MEET SOMEONE?

Ben says I FIND IT MORE AND MORE THAT I'M MEETING PEOPLE THROUGH ROTATING CIRCLES, YOU KNOW, CIRCLE INTERSECT WITH ANOTHER CIRCLE.

Lauren says SOMETIMES CIRCLES DON'T ROTATE, SOMETIMES THEY SIT THERE LIKE COASTER RINGS.

Ben says THAT'S A NASTY CLICK AND THEY'RE HAPPY ON THEIR OWN AND DO THEIR OWN THING. I FIND MOST OF MY FRIENDS HAVE OTHER CIRCLE SAYS, LIKE TO BRING THEM IN AND INTERMIX.

Lauren says LIKE THE OLYMPICS.

Ben says ABSOLUTELY. IT'S LIKE THE OLYMPICS.

Mary says OKAY. THEN THIS BRINGS ME TO THE ISSUE OF DATING. IF THIS IS HOW YOU MEET PEOPLE, THAT'S NOT REALLY DATING. I MEAN, DOES DATING HAPPEN TODAY IN THE SENSE OF ONE PERSON ASKS ANOTHER PERSON OUT, YOU GO ON TO DINNER AND MAYBE A MOVIE, MORE OF A FORMAL THING, DOES THAT HAPPEN IN YOUR CIRCLES?

Ben says I THINK IT'S LESS FORMAL THAN THAT TODAY. THERE ARE DATES. PEOPLE DO HAVE DATES. BUT THE TYPICAL FIRST DATE, GUY MEETS GIRL, GUY HAS CRUSH ON GIRL, GUY ASKS FOR GIRL'S PHONE NUMBER AND THEN THEY GO OUT ON A DATE, I DON'T KNOW THAT THAT HAPPENS AS OFTEN ANYMORE.

Mary says DO YOU GO ON DATES?

Ben says I DO GO ON DATES.

Mary says DO YOU LIKE TO?

Ben says I THINK IT DEPENDS ON THE CIRCUMSTANCE. IF I MEET A WOMAN AND THE ONLY WAY FOR ME TO CONTINUE WITH A RELATIONSHIP IS TO THEN ASK HER FOR HER PHONE NUMBER AND TAKE HER OUT TO DINNER AND DO SOMETHING OFFICIAL LIKE THAT, THEN I'LL DO THAT. BUT I FIND MOSTLY WHEN I MEET A WOMAN THAT I'M ATTRACTED TO, IT'S THROUGH A FRIEND OR, YOU KNOW, ON A REGULAR BASIS I'LL SEE THAT PERSON ON A REGULAR BASIS. SO I CAN FOSTER SOME TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT HAVING TO DO THAT OFFICIAL LET'S GO TO DINNER, I'LL PICK YOU UP AT 8:00 I'LL BRING YOU FLOWERS.

Lauren says YOU DO BRING WOMEN TO DINNER?

Ben says YEAH, DO I.

Lauren says WHEN YOU DO, YOU'RE ALWAYS SURROUNDED IN A BAR RESTAURANT OR IN A BAR IF YOU GO OUT FOR DRINKS, SINGLE PEOPLE HAVING FUN AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE CHAPERONES?

Ben says I FEEL KIND OF LUCKY IF I'M ON A DATE ON A WOMAN AND EVERYONE ELSE IS ALL ALONE.

Mary says THAT'S FUN FEE, IT SEEMS TO ME DATING DOES NOT HAVE THAT... HAPPEN THAT OFTEN IN YOUR CIRCLE, TOO, IT'S NOT REALLY HAPPENING IN PUBLIC BECAUSE WHEN YOU GO OUT ON THE DATE, YOU FIND HARDLY ANYONE ELSE IN THE BAR ON A DATE.

Lauren says GO TO THE DRUGSTORE, SIPPING SEW DOLLARS ON DIFFERENT STRAUS, THAT'S OVER. WHEN YOU GO OUT WITH SOMEBODY ON A DATE, YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY BIG GROUPS OF FRIENDS.

Mary says DOES THAT MAKE YOU SAD?

Lauren says NO, IT'S NOT SAD, BUT IT'S THERE.

Mary says YEAH. DO YOU LIKE TO DATE? DO YOU LIKE THAT KIND OF FORMALITY?

Lauren says ABSOLUTELY. ABSOLUTELY.

Mary says YOU DO? GIVEN THE CHOICE, YOU WOULD LIKE TO?

Lauren says TO GO ON A DATE?

Mary says YEAH.

Lauren says OH, SURE. I THINK... I MEAN, I LIKE BAD DATES, TOO.

Mary says YOU LIKE BAD DATES?

Lauren says UM-HUM.

Mary says WHAT IS A BAD DATE?

Lauren says WELL, I THINK A DATE GIVES TWO PEOPLE MORE OPPORTUNITY TO CLASH THAN GOING TO A BAR WITH EIGHT FRIENDS AND SORT OF SITTING THERE AND HAVING A DULL TIME. I THINK SOMETIMES IT'S GREAT TO GO HOME AND FEEL LIKE YOU HATE SOMEBODY.

Ben says THIS IS THE WOMEN'S PERSPECTIVE.

Mary says WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

Ben says COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. BECAUSE WE WERE TALKING A LITTLE BIT BEFORE THIS, I THINK WE AGREED THAT MEN AND WOMEN PLAY DIFFERENT ROLES IN THE TRADITIONAL DATING SENSE.

Lauren says WOMEN CAN BE CRABBYER.

Ben says WOMEN CAN BE CRABBYER. PULL THE PLUG AT ANY POINT IN THE DATE AND COME OFF SCOT-FREE.

Mary says YOU'RE SAYING A MAN CAN'T?

Ben says A MAN CAN'T WITHOUT COMING OFF AS SEEMING A LITTLE SHADY.

Mary says AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO ASKED WHO? EITHER WAY?

Ben says WELL, I'M TELLING THE TRADITIONAL SENSE WHERE A MAN ASKS THE WOMAN. A MAN HAS CONTROL, HE CAN CALL THE WOMAN, PURSUE THE WOMAN, BUT AS SOON AS THE WOMAN SAYS YES AND OPENS THE DOOR TO HER... OPENS THE DOOR TO HIM, SHE'S CALLING THE SHOTS.

Mary says OKAY. WE'RE GOING TO GET TO THE IDEA OF TRADITIONAL ROLES. WE DO HAVE A CALLER WHO WANTS TO TALK TO US. SHEAN IS ON THE LINE FROM HAMILTON. HI, SHAWN.

The Caller says HI.

Mary says HI. DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION OR A STOREY TO TELL US?

The Caller says ACTUALLY, YEAH, I DO. I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT, WELL, I'VE TRIED THE DATING SCENE, LIKE I USED TO GO TO THE BARS. BUT EVERY TIME I START DATING A GIRL, EITHER SHE DECIDES THAT SHE'S GOING TO LEAVE ME FOR SOME REASON OR SHE JUST TAKES OFF. WHY WOULD THAT BE?

Mary says THAT'S A TOUGH ONE THERE.

Ben says I THINK IT COMES FROM THE FACT THAT YOU'VE MET THIS GIRL IN A BAR. IF SHE CAN...

Lauren says WOULD YOU STOP INSULTING ME?

Ben says TODAY. LET'S TALK ABOUT TODAY. NO, BUT, SERIOUSLY, HE MET THIS GIRL IN A BAR AND SHE'S THINKING TO HERSELF...

Lauren says ARE YOU MEETING YOUR GIRLFRIENDS IN BARS?

The Caller says NO. I ALSO MEET THEM LIKE THROUGH FRIENDS AND AT A COFFEE SHOP AND STUFF LIKE THAT. AND THEY STILL.

Ben says OKAY. THAT GOES INTO POINT TWO OF MY... OF MY DATING BOOK. ONCE THE RELATIONSHIP HAS... HAS BECOME ESTABLISHED, ONCE THESE TWO PEOPLE GET TOGETHER, GOING OUT, MALE, FEMALE DYNAMIC GOING ON THERE, THE WOMAN IS CALLING THE SHOTS. SHE RESERVES THE RIGHT NOT TO CALL BACK. SHE RESERVES THE RIGHT TO END THE DATE AT ANY POINT.

Mary says SO, WHAT'S YOUR FINAL PIECE OF ADVICE THEN?

Ben says OH, KEEP TRYING.

Mary says JUST KEEP TRYING. STILL SAY AVOID BARS?

Ben says AVOID BARS IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR TRUE LOVE. IF YOU WANT TO GO HAVE A GOOD TIME, MEET PEOPLE, BE SOCIAL, THAT'S ONE THING.

Mary says WHATEVER HAPPENED TO LIKE JUST GO AND HAVE FUN AND IF YOU MEET SOMEONE THERE, GREAT, I MEAN, LET'S NOT EXCLUDE THE FACT THAT MAYBE SOME NICE PEOPLE DO GO TO BARS. MAYBE.

Ben says FRAME OF MIND PEOPLE ARE IN WHEN YOU GO THERE.

Lauren says YOU HAVE TO COMMIT YOURSELF EITHER TO BEING DESPERATE AND SETTING A DEADLINE FOR YOURSELF AND SAYING, I'M NOT... I'M GOING TO MEET SOMEONE BY X AND X DATE. OR I'M OFF THE MARKET. I DON'T KNOW ANYONE WHO FLOATS AROUND LIKE A FISH.

Mary says YOU HAVE TO DO ONE OR THE OTHER?

Lauren says THAT'S NOT TRUE.

Ben says YES, IT IS. I FLOAT AROUND. I DON'T CARE.

Mary says HANG ON. LET ME JUST TELL OUR VIEWERS TODAY THAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT DATING, RELATIONSHIPS, YOU CAN CALL WITH YOUR HORROR STORIES, IF YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR FIRST DATES, PET PEEVES ABOUT DATING. THE NUMBER IN TORONTO IS 416-484-2727. AND LONG DISTANCE, TOLL FREE, 1-888-411-1234. AND WE HAVE MIKE WHO'S ON THE LINE FROM TORONTO. HI, MIKE.

The phone numbers reappear briefly.

The Caller says HI, HOW ARE YOU?

Mary says GREAT, THANKS.

The Caller says GOOD. JUST WANT TO ADD THAT I'M ALSO A FLOATER.

Mary says YOU'RE A FLOATER?

Ben says YES, HE IS.

The Caller says NOT A MODERN MAN, MIKE.

Ben says I BELIEVE I'M A MODERN MAN, ACTUALLY.
I BELIEVE I'M A MODERN MAN. I TAKE ISSUE WITH THAT.

The Caller says THERE IS AN ISSUE BECAUSE I ACTUALLY MET SEVERAL FEMALES THROUGH THE INTERNET, AND THERE'S A LOT OF WOMEN ON THE INTERNET THAT ARE THERE, THEY'RE AVAILABLE, THEY'RE SINGLE. AND THEY'RE DEFINITELY LOOKING FOR A COMPANIONSHIP AND FRIENDSHIP, BEARING IN MIND THE COMPUTER IS SORT OF AN AVENUE WHERE THE FEMALES FEEL SAFE AND THE DISTANCE ENOUGH FROM THE MALE SPECIES AND ONCE THAT BARRIER IS BROKEN, THEY SEEM TO BE MORE RECEPTIVE TO MEETING AND GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

Ben says THAT'S WONDERFUL.

Mary says DOES BRING UP A GOOD POINT, WHAT ABOUT ALTERNATIVES LIKE THE INTERNET, THERE'S THE INTERNET, THERE'S PERSONALS, DATING SERVICES, LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT, LAUREN?

Lauren says OF THE INTERNET?

Mary says YEAH, START WITH THAT.

Lauren says I THINK THAT'S FABULOUS PEOPLE ARE MEETING ON THE INTERNET. I THINK SOME PEOPLE DO NEED TO TAKE CAUTION IS THAT SOME PEOPLE ESTABLISH E-MAIL RELATIONSHIPS WITH EACH OTHER, WHICH GO ON FOR TOO LONG BEFORE THEY ACTUALLY MEET EACH OTHER IN PERSON, OR BEFORE THEY ACTUALLY DECIDE TO GO OUT WITH EACH OTHER ON THE DATE AFTER, YOU KNOW, WEEKS AND WEEKS OF BUILDUP. AND THAT ALWAYS... THAT CAN ALWAYS BE A HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT.

Mary says THERE'S ALSO THE SAFETY ASPECT OF IT. I MEAN, HE SAID IT'S GREAT BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE DISTANCE AND WOMEN FEEL THEY CAN CHECK OUT A GUY BUT NOT ACTUALLY MEETING HIM. BUT A GUY CAN ALSO... OR A WOMAN... CAN MAKE THEMSELVES INTO SOMETHING THEY'RE NOT.

Ben says SURE.

Mary says YOU SHOW UP, WHOLE DIFFERENT STOREY.

Ben says THAT'S WHY... I'M NOT... I'M NOT TERRIBLY COMFORTABLE WITH HA MEDIUM IN TERMS OF MEETING PEOPLE. I'M SURE THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO DO FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH IT. MUCH LIKE THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE PHONE PEOPLE, OTHERS AREN'T. THERE ARE PEOPLE, ONLINE PEOPLE AND THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T. I'M NOT AN ONLINE PERSON. AND I ALSO THINK THAT E-MAIL IS A VERY BAD TOOL AT THE BEGINNING OF A RELATIONSHIP.

Mary says WHY?

Ben says BECAUSE FIVE YEARS AGO WHEN PEOPLE WEREN'T E-MAILING ALL THE TIME, LET'S SAY I MET GIRL A, OUT ONE NIGHT, AND I SAID, I'LL CALL YOU ON FRIDAY, AND THEN I WOULD CALL HER ON FRIDAY. FIVE, SIX DAYS ANTICIPATION, TALK, WONDER WHAT THE DATE'S GOING TO BE LIKE. I CAN'T WAIT TO TALK TO THIS PERSON. THAT SCENARIO, FAST FORWARD FIVE YEARS, CAN I HAVE YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS AND WE'LL TALK? E-MAIL CAN BE SHOT OFF LIKE THAT. ONE PERSON E-MAILS, SENDS A CUTE LITTLE LETTER, ONE SENDS BACK, ANOTHER ONE SENT BACK, BEFORE YOU KNOW IT BY FRIDAY YOU'VE HAD ABOUT HALF DOZEN CONVERSATIONS AND THE PERSON COULD POTENTIALLY BECOME BORED WITH YOU. I'VE HAD THAT EXPERIENCE.

Mary says OH, YOU ARE SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE?

Ben says YES, YES, VERY SAD.

Lauren says BORED WITH YOUR E-MAILS?

Ben says PEOPLE CAN GET BORED OF YOU ONLINE. IT'S HAPPENED.

Lauren says AT LEAST THAT'S BETTER, SOME PEOPLE ARE GOOD ON E-MAIL AND BAD IN THE FLESH, RIGHT?

Mary says MAYBE THAT WASN'T MEANT TO ME.

Ben says BUT I COULD HAVE FOUND THAT OUT LATER ON HAD THE E-MAIL NOT BEEN THERE.

Lauren says BUT FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE LOOKING, I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL THAT THEY CAN GO ONLINE AND TRY TO FIND SOMEBODY.

Ben says TRUE. ONE MORE TOOL.

Mary says WHAT ABOUT THE FACT THAT THEY'RE NOT BEING JUDGED BY THEIR APPEARANCES, IS THAT A GOOD THING, TO START WITH?

Ben says TO START WITH. BUT I THINK INEVITABLY THEY WILL BE. SOMEONE'S STANDARD, NOT A SINGLE STANDARD. BUT, YOU KNOW, THE EXPECTATION IS THERE, AND THEN THEY'LL BE JUDGED EVENTUALLY.

Mary says LET'S TALK ABOUT FIRST DATES. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST DATE, LAUREN DO YOU REMEMBER?

Lauren says MY FIRST DATE WAS GOING TO A MOVIE WITH A BOY IN I THINK I WAS IN SIXTH GRADE. SO I WAS ABOUT 12 YEARS OLD.

Mary says STARTED YOUNG.

Lauren says I STARTED VERY YOUNG, YES. ANYWAY, THE DATE WAS FINE, EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT IT WAS MY MOTHER AND MY SISTER, MY LITTLE SISTER HAD TURNED UP FOR THE SAME MOVIE THEATER.

Mary says WITHOUT TELLING YOU.

Lauren says YEAH.

Mary says WERE THEY HIDING BEHIND PLANTS?

Lauren says HIDING BEHIND JUNIOR MINTS.

Mary says JUNIOR MINTS. WHAT WERE THEY DOING? JUST KEEP AN EYE ON YOU?

Lauren says YES. YES. IT WORKED.

Mary says IT WORKED. NO HANKIE PANKY.

Lauren says IT SCARED THE BOY AWAY AND THAT WAS THE END OF OUR HOT ROMANCE.

Mary says WERE YOU FURIOUS WITH YOUR MOM?

Lauren says NO, I THINK IT WAS ALL RIGHT.

Mary says WHAT A GREAT DAUGHTER. WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Ben says MY FIRST DATE WAS BORING. NO, MY FIRST DATE, FIELD OF DREAMS, WITH A GIRL WHO WAS ABOUT FOUR OR FIVE INCHES TALLER THAN ME AND I HAD THE UNIQUE PRIVILEGE OF HAVING TWO MEMBERS OF THE RCMP SIT ABOUT TWO AND A HALF ROWS, ABOUT TWO OR THREE ROWS BACK.

Mary says OH, NO.
I MEAN, YOUR PARENTS NEVER HAD TO WORRY.

Lauren says FIRST DATE, SO YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. NOW IF MY MOTHER FOLLOWED ME ON A FIRST DATE, I THINK I WOULD GO CRAZY.

Mary says LIKE IN YOUR CASE, THOUGH, YOUR PARENTS WOULD ALWAYS HAVE THE RCMP FOR SAFETY REASONS. SO, THEY NEVER HAVE TO CHECK UP.

Ben says ALWAYS THERE. THERE WITH ME ON MY FIRST DATE, FIRST BAR I WENT TO. FIRST TIME I DANCED ON A BAR THEY WERE THERE, TAKING NOTES.

Mary says BECAUSE YOU STARTED THAT WAY, IS THAT TOTALLY NATURAL FOR YOU JUST TO HAVE THEM HANGING AROUND?

Ben says WELL, IT WOULDN'T BE ANYMORE BECAUSE I HAVEN'T HAD THEM FOR SO LONG. BUT I KIND OF HAD TO FORCE MYSELF TO GET USED TO IT.
I DID ORIGINALLY, I WALKED OUT ON THE STREET. KEEP LOOKING BEHIND.

Mary says HOW OLD WERE YOU THEN?

Ben says 16, 17, I LOST THEM FOR GOOD.

Mary says FIRST DATE?

Ben says I THINK I WAS 13.

Mary says THAT BRINGS ME TO A POINT. I MEAN, WE TALK ABOUT WHAT IT'S LIKE IN THE DATING WORLD, WHAT IT'S LIKE FOR YOU GUYS. BUT, THE TWO OF YOU ARE NOT TYPICAL PEOPLE. I MEAN, YOU'RE HIGH-PROFILE PEOPLE, RIGHT, YOU'RE OUT THERE IN THE NATIONAL POST, YOUR PICTURE'S THERE, BEN, BEING THE DAUGHTER OF BRIAN... DAUGHTER... SORRY... SON, PARDON ME. SON OF BRIAN MULRONEY. IT'S DIFFERENT FOR YOU GUYS.

Ben says I DON'T THINK SO. I THINK, MAYBE SMALL DETAILS MIGHT BE DIFFERENT, BUT FOR THE MOST PART, IT'S THE SAME DANCE. I HUNT... I PURSUE, WE DANCE.

Mary says OH, YEAH? YOU HUNT. SO BACK TO THOSE...

Lauren says AND I'M CRABBY.

Mary says AND YOU'RE CRABBY. DO YOU REALLY FEEL THAT THOSE, YOU KNOW, WHAT PEOPLE CONSIDER STEREOTYPICAL ROLES, MEN BEING THE CHASER, WOMEN BEING THE CHOOSER, HOW MUCH OF THAT REALLY EXISTS TODAY?

Lauren says I THINK IT EXISTS TO A FAIR DEGREE. I DON'T THINK THAT MEN ARE CHASERS ANYMORE. AS EVIDENCED BY MY NIGHT OUT WITH REBECCA. I THINK IT'S MORE THAT MEN WILL SORT OF TAKE IT AS IT COMES, TAKE IT AS IT GOES. AND I THINK WOMEN LIKE TO SET UP MULTIPLE AVENUES TO CHOOSE FROM... TO CHOOSE AMONG BECAUSE WOMEN LIKE TO FEEL AT THE END OF THE DAY THAT THEY HAVE HAD SOME CONTROL OVER WHAT THEY'VE ENDED UP WITH.

Mary says WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Ben says I THINK THAT'S COMPLETELY DEAD ON. BUT I WOULD SAY THAT MEN DO TEND TO PURSUE MORE THAN WOMEN WANT.

Lauren says I DON'T THINK MEN ARE DOGS THE WAY THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE.

Ben says I'M NOT SAYING DOGS. I'M SAYING, YOU KNOW, A MAN WILL GET A GLANCE FROM A WOMAN AND THEN HE'LL TAKE THE NEXT STEP AND THEN SHE MIGHT SMILE AT HIM, HE'LL TAKE THE NEXT STEP, AND HE'S GETTING CERTAIN CLUES FROM HER AND HE'S KEYING INTO THEM AND HE'S PURSUING. AND IF SHE DOESN'T NECESSARILY... IF SHE'S NOT WARM TO HIM INITIALLY, THERE ARE A LOT OF MEN OUT THERE WHO WILL SAY, I WILL CONVINCE HER TO WARM UP TO ME.

Mary says BUT IN THE END SHE DOES THE CHOOSING.

Ben says SHE DOES, ABSOLUTELY.

Mary says YEAH. OKAY. WE HAVE ANOTHER CALLER ON THE LINE. LET'S GO SUSAN IN TORONTO. HI, SUSAN.

The Caller says HI.

Mary says DO YOU HAVE A COMMENT OR A STOREY FOR US?

The Caller says YEAH, I DO. I'M ORIGINALLY FROM CALGARY, AND I'VE LIVED IN TORONTO FOR NINE YEARS. AND I'VE TRAVELED ACROSS CANADA QUITE A BIT. AND I DO FIND THAT TORONTO, WITHOUT A QUESTION, IS THE COLDEST CITY IN CANADA. IT'S SO HARD TO EVEN GET SOMEONE TO EVEN TALK TO YOU, LET ALONE GET TO THE POINT WHERE YOU ACTUALLY START DATING THEM AND BEING WITH THEM. I CANNOT GET OVER IT. I'VE ASKED MEN OUT IN VARIOUS WAYS. AND ALSO VERY CASUALLY AND VERY LAID BACK, FUNNY PERSON, AND THEY ALL BEHAVE THE SAME WAY, THE DON KNOTS DEER IN HEADLIGHTS TERRIFIED, OH, OH,, CAN'T EVEN SAY YES, CAN'T EVEN SAY NO, CAN'T EVEN POLITELY PULL THE LIE THAT ALL WOMEN USED, I'M SORRY, I'M SEEING SOMEONE, THEY SAY NOTHING AND THEN NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN AND WE NEVER GET TO GO OUT FOR THE BEER OR TO A MOVIE OR SOMETHING.

Mary says THIS IS GOOD. I WANTED TO RAISE THIS. I'M GLAD YOU DID, SUSAN, BECAUSE LAUREN, YOU'RE FROM NEW YORK.

Lauren says I AM.

Mary says RIGHT. SO YOU'VE HAD THAT EXPERIENCE AND THE TORONTO. RIGHT? AND THEN BEN, MONTREAL, YOU'VE HAD AND TORONTO. SO I'D LIKE TO HEAR, DO A BIT OF COMPARISON HERE AND TALK ABOUT TORONTO IN THAT CONTEXT.

Lauren says WELL, I WOULD AGREE, SUSAN, THAT'S YOUR NAME, RIGHT? SUSAN, I WOULD AGREE THAT THE PHONE DOES RING LESS IN TORONTO THAN IT DOES IN OTHER CITIES. WOULD YOU SAY THE SAME IN MONTREAL?

Ben says OH, DEFINITELY. MONTREAL IS EXTREMELY SOCIAL.

Lauren says BUT I THINK TORONTO HAS ITS OWN CULTURE. I THINK PEOPLE DO LIKE TO SETTLE DOWN IN PAIRS AND SORT OF HIDE OUT IN CAVES AND THEN SOMETIMES SWITCH PARTNERS AND THEN HIBERNATE AGAIN FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS. I DON'T THINK SHE SHOULD GIVE UP HOPE. I THINK IT JUST TAKES LONGER OR THERE ARE FEWER STRANGE INTERACTIONS BETWEEN REAL RELATIONSHIPS HERE. I THINK PEOPLE WAIT AND THEN JUMP INTO SOMETHING MORE SERIOUS.

Ben says THE DEER IN HEADLIGHTS THING IS COMMON BECAUSE MEN AREN'T USED TO BEING ASKED OUT.

Mary says SHE REALLY ASKED MEN OUT?

Ben says THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. BUT THEY HAVE TO REALIZE THAT IT'S NEW TO A LOT OF GUYS.

Lauren says I THINK IT WORKS. IF YOU'RE SORT OF DEMURE AND ALLURING TYPE, YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH ASKING A MAN OUT. GENERALLY IF YOU'RE AN AGGRESSIVE PERSON OR IF YOU'RE SORT OF ON YOUR FEET AND YOU'RE A WOMAN AND YOU ASK A MAN OUT, I THINK YOU CAN SEND OFF THE WRONG MESSAGE, WHICH IS THAT YOU'RE CRAZY.

Mary says YOU KNOW, I'VE HAD SEVERAL, AT LEAST SEVERAL WOMEN, SAY TO ME THAT, YOU KNOW, THEY FELT LIBERATED, THEY FELT THEY WANTED TO ASK MEN OUT AND WHEN THEY...

Lauren says WORST, WHEN YOU FEEL LIBERATED.

Mary says WHEN THEY FIRST STARTED DATING, ALL EQUAL PLAYING FIELD, THEY HAD NO PROBLEM ASKING MEN OUT. AND THEY SAID IT NEVER WORKED. WHENEVER THEY ASKED A MAN OUT, SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN AND THE RELATIONSHIP WOULD NEVER WORK AND IT WAS ALWAYS MORE SUCCESSFUL WHEN THE MAN ASKED THE WOMAN OUT. SO THEY SAID, YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET THIS. WE'RE GOING BACK TO THAT OLD-FASHIONED WAY OF DOING THINGS. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Ben says WELL, MEN AND WOMEN AREN'T THE SAME. ANYONE WHO SAYS

Lauren says ARE YOU SURE?

Ben says I'M PRETTY SURE. I'M PRETTY SURE. IT SOUNDS OBVIOUS TO SAY. BUT THEN, YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHY THERE WERE RULES AND THEY WORKED FOR A LONG TIME. YOU KNOW, WE CAN MODIFY THEM AND WE CAN TEMPER THEM, BUT, FOR EXAMPLE, I HAD A HISTORY TEACHER IN HIGH SCHOOL WHO SAID, YOU KNOW, TOOK US ASIDE, GENTLEMAN, I'VE GOT TO TEACH YOU SOMETHING BY THE END OF THE YEAR, CHIFLERY IS NOT DEAD, UP TO US TO KEEP IT ALIVE, PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO DON'T WANT US TO HOLD THE DOOR OPEN ANYMORE AND DON'T WANT US TO OFFER TO PAY FOR ANYTHING ANYMORE, BECAUSE THE IMPLICATIONS ARE I'M GOING TO OPEN THE DOOR FOR A WOMAN BECAUSE SHE CAN'T OPEN IT FOR HERSELF, REALLY WHAT I MEAN WHEN I'M OPENING THE DOOR, I'M OPENING THE DOOR BECAUSE IT'S THE POLITE THING TO DO. I'M OFFERING TO PAY, BECAUSE I ASKED YOU OUT AND I WAS BROUGHT OUT THAT THAT WAS...

Lauren says IF A WOMAN ASKED YOU OUT, WOULD YOU LIKE HER TO PAY?

Ben says I WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH HER PAYING. IF SHE ASKED ME OUT, YES, I WOULD OFFER TO PAY.

Lauren says WERE YOU EXPECT HER TO PAY?

Ben says IF SHE OFFERED TO PAY, I WOULD SAY, RUSCH, SHE'D SAY, YES I'D LET IT GO.

Mary says LAUREN, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ASKING A MAN OUT? IS IT SOMETHING YOU WOULD DO, DO YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE, DO YOU THINK IT'S GOOD TO ASK A WOMAN OUT... OR ASK A MAN OUT?

Lauren says ASK A MAN OUT IN MY CASE. I HAVE DONE IT. AND I WOULD DO IT AND I ADVOCATE DOING IT. BUT, AT THE SAME TIME, I THINK THAT YOU HAVE TO PLAY A ROLE AFTERWARDS. I THINK YOU HAVE TO RETREAT INTO A MORE JELLY FISH-LIKE.

Mary says I THINK YOU'RE SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU SHOULD. REALLY? DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT? DO YOU THINK THAT YOU'RE GOING TO GET FAR BY ASKING A MAN OUT? I MEAN, WHAT'S THE ADVICE YOU'VE BEEN GIVEN?

Lauren says WELL, I MEAN, ASKING A MAN OUT, WORST THING THAT HAPPENS, HE SAYS NO, THEN YOU'RE BACK WHERE YOU STARTED, RIGHT?

Mary says MAYBE PINNING YOUR HOPES OR THINKING, YOU KNOW, I REALLY LIKE THIS GUY, I WOULD LIKE THIS TO GO SOMEWHERE.

Lauren says NO. I THINK... I THINK A CONFIDENT WOMAN CAN ASK A MAN OUT. AND I THINK IT MIGHT BE AN OKAY THING.

Mary says WHAT KIND OF ADVICE HAVE YOU BEEN GIVEN ON THIS TOPIC?

Lauren says OH, BASICALLY PLAY DEAD. REGARDING MEN. IF I'M EVER COMPELLED TO SAY ANYTHING OR INITIATE ANYTHING, ADVICE FROM, YOU KNOW, I HAVE AN UNCLE WHO'S ESSENTIALLY MY SHRINK AND THEN A NUMBER OF FRIENDS, AND NO MATTER WHO'S TALKING TO ME, THE ADVICE IS ALWAYS, DON'T DO ANYTHING. DON'T SAY ANYTHING. ACT LIKE YOU DON'T CARE AND LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE ANY THOUGHTS ON THE SUBJECT.

Mary says THAT'S THE OLD STEREOTYPE, RIGHT? JUST PLAY HARD TO GET.

Lauren says AND IT WORKS, RIGHT?

Mary says SO YOUR FRIENDS SAY THIS. AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE HOW OLD, LIKE IN THE 20s?

Lauren says YEAH. REALLY SMART WOMEN IN THEIR 20s.

Mary says DO YOU THINK THERE'S SOME TRUTH TO THAT?

Lauren says SADLY, YES. YES.

Mary says WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Ben says I THINK ONE OF THE MOST ATTRACTIVE THINGS IS A WOMAN WHO'S FOR THE ATTRACTED TO ME. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF IT. IT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS, I WANT WHAT I CAN'T HAVE. UNFORTUNATELY, THE FLIP SIDE IS ONCE I GET IT, I DON'T NECESSARILY WANT IT ANYMORE. BUT THAT'S RARE. IT DOESN'T HAPPEN VERY OFTEN.

Mary says OKAY. AND YOU DON'T THINK THAT HARKENS BACK TO ANYTHING IN ROLES?

Ben says OH, NO. I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD THING... NECESSARILY A GOOD THING. IT'S A SIMPLE OBSERVATION I'VE MADE IN MY DATING HISTORY.

Mary says SO HOW MANY WOMEN ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU? A LOT?

Ben says I WOULD ASSUME QUITE A FEW, YEAH.

Mary says WE'VE GOT RHODA IN TORONTO. HELLO, RHODA.

The Caller says HI. I JUST HAD A QUESTION ABOUT, I WANT TO GO OUT WITH A FRIEND, WELL, IT'S HIS FRIEND, AND WE WANT TO GO OUT ON A DATE BUT EVERYBODY WANTS TO COME. SO HOW DO I AVOID THAT?

Mary says I'M SORRY. COULD YOU REPEAT THAT AGAIN?

The Caller says YEAH, MY FRIEND SETTING UP ME WITH HIS FRIEND.

Mary says HE'S SETTING UP YOU WITH HIS FRIEND?

The Caller says YEAH. HE WANTS OTHER FRIENDS OF OURS TO COME, BUT... BUT I JUST WANT IT TO BE ME AND THE DATE. HOW DO I AVOID FOR THEM TO NOT COME AROUND?

Mary says SHE WANTS IT ON A ONE ON ONE THING.

Lauren says TELL THEM TO MEET YOU SOMEWHERE AND THEN SECRETLY PLAN TO MEET SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Ben says OR YOU CAN DO SOMETHING EARLIER WITH THE GUY AND THEN MEET YOUR FRIENDS AFTERWARDS. THAT WAY SATISFY BOTH SIDES.

Mary says THAT'S TRUE. LET'S TALK A LITTLE BIT, TOO, ABOUT TURN-ONS AND TURNOFFS WITH GUYS YOU MEET AND GIRLS YOU MEET. LAUREN, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING THAT REALLY TURNS YOU ON OR TURNS YOU OFF?

Lauren says UNFORTUNATELY, I'M OR INCLINED TO HAVE TURNOFFS. I WOULD SAY I THINK A BIG TURNOFF FOR ME IS WHEN A MAN WILL USE HIS FIRST AND LAST NAME AFTER A DATE. IF SOMEBODY WILL CALL YOU AFTER A DATE AND INTRODUCE HIMSELF ASSAY, LAUREN MECHLING, I THINK THAT'S A VERY BAD SIGN. ANOTHER THING I DON'T LIKE...

Mary says I DON'T QUITE GET THAT.

Lauren says IF YOU GO OUT ON A DATE WITH SOMEBODY. SAY HIS NAME IS JOHN DOE, I THINK WHEN HE CALMS YOU AGAIN. HE SHOULD FEEL COMFORTABLE SAYING IT'S JOHN.

Mary says RIGHT DOES. THAT TURN YOU OFF TO THE POINT WHERE... WHERE YOU DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH HIM OR JUST ANNOYING? YOU THINK, OH, THAT WASN'T NECESSARY?

Lauren says IT'S... IT'S CREEPY, I THINK.

Ben says THERE MIGHT BE A LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE ON HIS PART. JOHN DOE DIDN'T MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION.

Mary says MAYBE HE DIDN'T WANT TO ASSUME SOMETHING.

Ben says I DON'T WANT TO ASSUME SHE REMEMBERS ME BECAUSE WE HAD DINNER. ZERO CONFIDENCE.

Mary says MAYBE THAT'S WHAT SHE'S READING.

Lauren says THE VIBE I'M GETTING.

Mary says OKAY. WHAT ELSE? WHAT ELSE?

Lauren says LET'S SEE. WELL, I THINK PERHAPS WHEN THE MAN TAKES YOU OUT OR YOU GO OUT WITH A MAN AND HE HAPPENS TO KNOW EVERYBODY WHO YOU PASS AND HE HAPPENS TO KNOW EVERYBODY IN THE BAR OR EVERYBODY IN THE RESTAURANT, HE'S ACTING LIKE HE'S THE MAYOR OF THE PLACE, I THINK THAT'S... THAT'S UNNERVING.

Mary says WHAT ABOUT YOU, BEN?

Ben says CELL PHONE USE OUT ON A DATE. I CANNOT STAND IT WHEN I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A DATE HAVING A NICE DINNER AND MY LADY FRIEND'S PHONE RINGS.

Lauren says CELL PHONES ARE GOOD. REMEMBER WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT?

Ben says YES. THAT'S FROM A GIRL'S POINT OF VIEW.

Lauren says I HAD AN IDEA, JUST LIKE YOU CAN PROGRAM YOUR ALARM CLOCK TO WAKE YOU UP, IF YOU'RE GOING ON A DATE, PROGRAM YOUR CELL PHONE TO RING AT, SAY, 8:45, IF YOUR DATE STARTS AT 7:45, PICK IT UP, THERE'S NOBODY THERE, BUT YOU CAN PRETEND THAT THERE'S AN EMERGENCY, YOU HAVE TO GO, SHOULD YOU NEED TO GO.

Mary says DID YOU NOT SEE FRASER, THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED ON FRASER? THE THING IS, OF COURSE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE IT PROGRAMMED. YOU JUST GET A FRIEND TO CALL YOU AT THAT TIME.

Ben says OH, THAT WAS FRASER, THAT'S RIGHT.

Lauren says ASSUMING THAT YOU HAVE FRIENDS.

Ben says TRUE.

Mary says IS THIS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

Ben says I'VE HAD MANY INSTANCES WHERE I'VE BEEN OUT TO DINNER AND THE PHONE HAS RUNNING AND SHE SHOULD HAVE TURNED IT OFF OR SHE SHOULD HAVE IT ON VIBRATE.

Lauren says HOW LONG DID SHE STAY ON IT?

Ben says FIVE MINUTES. I HAD TO SIT THERE, CUTTING UP SALAD FOR FIVE MINUTES. THAT WAS IT. NO SECOND DATES.

Lauren says BUT SHE STILL HAS THE POWER, RIGHT?

Ben says OF COURSE. BUT THERE WAS NO SECOND DATE AFTER THAT. NONE.

Mary says CUT RIGHT OFF. OKAY, LET'S GO TO DAWN IN TRENTON. HI, DON.

The Caller says GOOD DAY. I APOLOGIZE FOR DIGRESSING A LITTLE BIT THERE. BUT JUST LISTENING TO THE CONVERSATION, I FIND IT INTERESTING HOW OFTENTIMES THERE SEEMS TO BE A LOT OF PRESSURE TO GET TO KNOW PEOPLE, ALMOST IMMEDIATELY, WHETHER YOU SIT DOWN FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS OVER COFFEE OR TALK ON THE INTERNET, THE INTERNET, OF COURSE, AS YOU PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED, YOU CAN HAVE A HALF A DOZEN CONVERSATIONS IN A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME. MY WIFE AND I, WE CORRESPOND, ACTUALLY WROTE TO EACH OTHER AND TALKED ON THE PHONE FOR CLOSE TO THREE YEARS BEFORE WE ACTUALLY MET IN PERSON. NOW, I HAVE TO SAY THAT MY WIFE, SHE'S FROM THE PHILIPPINES. SO, YOU KNOW, DOES KIND OF MAKE THIS A LITTLE BIT UNUSUAL, BUT GENUINELY, WE GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER. WE GOT TO REALLY HEAR AND UNDERSTAND THE PERSON'S VALUES. I'VE GOT EVERY LETTER SHE EVER WROTE ME. ABOUT TWO INCHES OF A FILE WORTH OF LETTERS. AND I CAN SIT DOWN AND REREAD ALL THOSE LETTERS AND I CAN SEE THAT HER PERSONALITY, HER VALUES ARE ALL CONSISTENT THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE THING. AND I FOUND OUT A... THAT A LOT EASIER, A LOT LESS PRESSURE THAN JUST GOING OUT EITHER WITH FRIENDS OR TRYING TO DATE, TO MEET A PERSON. THERE WAS NO INTIMIDATION OF HAVING TO PUT ON A FACE OR TO PRESENT MYSELF IN ANY PARTICULAR MANNER. NO, WE GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER HEART TO HEART.

Mary says UM-HUM. DON BRINGS UP A GOOD APPOINT. DO YOU THINK THAT PEOPLE TODAY MIGHT HAVE A TENDENCY TO MAKE SNAP JUDGMENTS WHEN THEY GO OUT AND MAYBE WRITE SOMEONE OFF AND NOT GIVE A PERSON A CHANCE?

Ben says ABSOLUTELY. THAT'S PART OF DATING AS WELL. YOU TAKE A CHANCE ON SPENDING TIME WITH SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW. AND THAT'S JUST IN THE WAY THAT HE WAS WRITING LETTERS TO A WOMAN THAT HE DIDN'T NECESSARILY KNOW, THAT'S PART OF DATING IS GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE AND EVENTUALLY BREAKING DOWN ALL THOSE BARRIERS TO THE POINT THAT FINALLY AT SOME POINT YOU CAN LOOK AT THE PERSON ACROSS THE TABLE AND YOU KNOW THIS PERSON AS OPPOSED TO JUST BEING ON A DATE WITH A PERSON YOU JUST MET. SO, I THINK... WE TALKED ABOUT IT EARLIER. THERE ARE INTERNET PEOPLE. OBVIOUSLY A LETTER-WRITING PERSON. AND THERE ARE OTHER TYPES OF PEOPLE.

Mary says LAUREN, WHAT DO YOU THINK, SNAP JUDGMENTS, DO WE MAKE JUDGMENTS, YOU KNOW, TOO SOON ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS?

Lauren says NO. I THINK YOU NEED TO MAKE JUDGMENTS TOO SOON. I MEAN, PROBABLY MANY PEOPLE YOU COULD BE HAPPY WITH. SOMETIMES IT'S GOOD.

Mary says YOU'RE 23. YOU SOUND LIKE YOU GOT AN AGENDA BOY. WE'RE MOVING HERE.

Ben says TEN SECONDS.

Mary says IS THAT THE WAY MOST WOMEN OPERATE HERE, WE'VE GOT AN AGENDA?

Lauren says SURE. I THINK IF YOU END UP WITH SOMEONE, YOU WOULD FEEL MORE REASSURED, HAD YOU SAID NO TO SOMEBODY ELSE BEFOREHAND.

Mary says DOES THE AGENDA INVOLVE A CHECKLIST?

Lauren says OF TRAITS OF NICE MEN?

Mary says YEAH.

Lauren says FOR SOME PEOPLE IT DOES.

Ben says YOU DON'T HAVE A CHECKLIST, DO YOU?

Lauren says NO, I DON'T.

Mary says BUT IT IS COMMON AMONG WOMEN?
I MEAN, I'VE HEARD OF MANY... CHECKLISTS. WHAT'S ON THE LIST? I'VE GOT TO GET MY HANDS ON IT.

Lauren says NO SMOKERS, NO KIDS, MUST BE ATHLETE I CAN, AT LEAST A SUCCESSFUL GUY, ET CETERA, ET CETERA.

Mary says MEN DON'T HAVE CHECKLISTS?

Ben says I DON'T THINK SO. MAYBE SOME GUYS DO.

Lauren says YEAH, DO YOU. NO CELL PHONE TALKING.

Ben says I DON'T NO THAT UNTIL THE DATE HAPPENS AND ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE PULLS OUT A CELL LIST.

Mary says MEN TO HAVE CHECKLISTS. A WOMAN IN NEW YORK, SEEING THIS GUY FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS, SHE REALLY THOUGHT IT WAS GOING SOMEWHERE. AND THEN ONE DAY IT WAS THE DINNER AND HE SAID, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE JUST A REALLY GREAT WOMAN. BUT I JUST DON'T THINK THIS IS GOING TO END UP SOMEWHERE. YOU KNOW, YOU'RE ABOUT A 93 percent OF WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR.

Lauren says EXCELLENT.

Lauren says HE'S IN NEW YORK, RIGHT?

Mary says IS THAT TYPICAL OF NEW YORKERS?

Lauren says ABSOLUTELY.

Ben says NO. IT CAN'T BE.

Lauren says IN TORONTO WOULD SAY 90 percent, NEW YORK WOULD SAY 93 percent.

Ben says THAT'S AWFUL. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE CLUBHOUSE AND INFORM THE MEN THAT THAT'S NOT HOW WE'RE SUPPOSED TO ACT.

Lauren says I KNEW A WOMAN WHO WAS IN NEW YORK WHO WAS HAVING A WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP, SHE WAS IN HER 30s SO WAS HE, REALLY HOT AND HEAVY ACTUALLY, HE DUMPED HER BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T SPEND ENOUGH TIME READING A NEWSPAPER EVERY DAY AND HE FELT THAT THAT MADE HER AN INFERIOR PERSON.

Ben says WE WERE TALKING ABOUT EARLIER TOO, MIGHT HAVE BEEN A MAN WHO HAS NO EXPERIENCE DUMPING WOMEN. IN MY EXPERIENCE, IT'S THE WOMEN WHO DO THE SENDOFF. AND THE MAN IS JUST SUPPOSED TO SIT THERE AND TAKE IT. SO, WHEN WE DO FACE OURSELVES WITH THE UGLY PROPOSAL THAT WE ACTUALLY HAVE TO... ACTUALLY HAVE TO END THE RELATIONSHIP, WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT.

Lauren says COME OFF LIKE A LOON.

Ben says COME OFF AS CRAZY.

Mary says YOU KNOW WHAT, I KNOW YOU SAY YOU DON'T HAVE A CHECKLIST, DO YOU HAVE IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND A FUZZY, IDEAL WOMAN?

Ben says I USED TO SAY SO. BUT I NEVER SEEM TO DATE THE IDEAL.

Lauren says KICKS HIM IN THE FACE WITH A BOOT, HATES YOU.

Ben says I SUPPOSE IT'S A WOMAN WHO'S HAS HER OWN LIFE, DOESN'T NEED ME TO ENTERTAIN HER, SHE LIKES TO HAVE ME AROUND AS I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE HER AROUND, BUT ALSO I HAVE A LIFE WHERE MY LIFE STARTS AT 5:00 AND ENDS AT 11:00 NIGHT. NICE ROMANTIC DINNER DURING THE COURSE OF A WEEKEND ARE NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. A WOMAN WHO RECOGNIZES THAT, HAS HER OWN LIFE AND THE REST OF IT IS FILL IN THE BLANKS. IT'S COME AS YOU GO, YOU KNOW.

Mary says LAUREN, YOU'RE WITH SOMEONE RIGHT NOW, SO MAYBE IT IS YOUR IDEAL. DO WE KNOW YET?

Lauren says WE DON'T. WE DON'T KNOW YET.

Mary says OKAY. THANKS TO BOTH OF YOU FOR COMING ON. I REALLY ENJOYED IT. WELL, WE'VE HEARD ABOUT SOME OF THE HORRORS IN DATING. UNFORTUNATELY, IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE ON THE GIVING RATHER THAN THE RECEIVING END OF THINGS, WELL, THERE MAY BE SOME HOPE FOR YOU BECAUSE NICKLAS BOOTHMAN, MY GUEST COMING UP SHORTLY, HE SAYS THAT HE CAN TEACH US HOW TO MAKE A GREAT FIRST IMPRESSION. HE'S THE AUTHOR OF A NEW BOOK, IT'S CALLED "HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU IN 90 SECONDS OR LESS." AND ACCORDING TO NICK, WE DECIDE IF WE LIKE SOMEONE IN THE VERY FIRST TWO SECONDS OF MEETING THEM.

A picture of the book appears briefly on screen. The cover features a picture of a stopwatch.

Mary continues THAT'S RIGHT. NOW, THAT COULD HAVE AN IMPACT ON YOUR FIRST DATE, AS WE DISCUSSED OR PERHAPS A JOB INTERVIEW. NICK IS GOING TO BE HERE IN A FEW MINUTES TO NAIL THOSE SITUATIONS. BUT BECAUSE HE'S AN EXPERT, WE GAVE HIM A BIT OF A TOUGHER ASSIGNMENT. WE SENT HIM OUT ON TO THE MEAN STREETS OF TORONTO AND WE ASKED HIM TO TURN STRANGERS INTO FRIENDS. SO WATCH THIS.

A clip plays on screen.

Fast clips show a street sign that reads "Yonge", crowded sidewalks, and a curly-haired middle aged man in a black suit walking.

Nicholas approaches two women in their fifties and says EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

The woman with blond hair says SURE.

Nicholas says WHEN YOU MEET SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU CAN TRUST THEM?

The blond woman says I DON'T TRUST THEM.

The auburn-haired woman says I'M SINGLE. I GIVE THEM MY BUSINESS CARD.

The blond woman says IT'S INSTINCTUAL, A LITTLE BIT LIKE A GUT REACTION.
EYE CONTACT. LIKE PEOPLE LOOK IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS FOR MEMORY FOR LYING OR REFLECTION.

Now responding to an unseen interviewer, the blond woman says
THE FIRST THING I NOTICED WAS THE WAY HE WAS DRESSED. I THINK THAT'S A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY BUT IT'S TRUE. YOU KNOW, KIND OF SUM SOMEONE UP REALLY QUICKLY THE WAY THEY'RE DRESSED, AGE, SEX, ALL THOSE THINGS.

Nicholas faces two teenagers, a blond one and a dark-haired one, and says YOU LIVE IN TORONTO?

They say YUP.

Nicholas says HERE'S A GOOD QUESTION FOR YOU. WHEN YOU SEE SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU CAN TRUST THEM?

The dark-haired teenager says YOU REALLY DON'T.

Nicholas says OKAY. HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

The dark-haired teenager says BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE AROUND HERE AREN'T REALLY TRUSTWORTHY.

Nicholas says WHAT ABOUT... WHAT ABOUT YOU MAY BE IN SCHOOL OR YOU'RE ON HOLIDAY, SEE SOMEONE, THAT PERSON IS OKAY, THAT PERSON DOESN'T LOOK OKAY? HOW DO YOU DO THAT? HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?

The dark-haired teenager says WELL, JUST NATURALLY, USUALLY JUDGE THEM BY THEIR APPEARANCE.

Nicholas says YOU LOOK AT THEM, RIGHT? SOMETHING YOU SEE. IS THAT RIGHT?

The dark-haired teenager says YEAH.

Nicholas says WHAT DO YOU SEE?

The dark-haired teenager says WELL, LIKE, YOU JUST THINK IF THEY'VE GOT CLEAN CLOTHES AND THEY'RE TRUSTWORTHY, WHICH ISN'T ALWAYS TRUE. THAT'S WHAT NORMALLY THINK.

Nicholas says YEAH, OKAY. WHAT ELSE?

Now responding to the interviewer, the dark-haired teenager says REMINDS ME OF ELTON JOHN AT FIRST BECAUSE ELTON JOHN DRESSS FUNNY. YEAH. KIND OF AN ELTON JOHN THING-

The female interviewer says AND THE BRITISH ACCENT, TOO.

The dark-haired teenager says YEAH, THAT HELPS.

Now Nicholas faces two elderly women and says WHEN YOU MEET SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME, OR SEE SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU CAN TRUST THEM?

One of the women says I'D TRUST YOU, FOR INSTANCE.

Nicholas says OKAY. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO HEAR.

The woman says BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY.

Nicholas says OKAY. NOW, IT'S PROBABLY...

The woman says MAKING EYE CONTACT.

Nicholas says YEAH, OKAY. GOOD. WHAT ELSE?

The other woman, who wears sunglasses, says THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE SOME PEOPLE HERE. I ASSUME YOU'RE NOT GOING TO ATTACK US.

The first woman, responding to the interviewer, says MY FIRST IMPRESSION IS WHAT IS HE DOING HERE? BUT THEN ONCE HE STARTED TALKING I EASED UP ON HIM AND THOUGHT HE WAS SINCERE. IN LESS THAN 90 SECONDS, HE WAS CORRECT.

The woman with sunglasses says I THOUGHT IT WAS KIND OF INTERESTING WHEN HE WAS TALKING AND MAYBE THE FACT THAT HE WASN'T ASKING FOR MONEY.

Now addressing a man in his fifties, Nicholas says THE QUESTION IS THIS, WHEN YOU MEET SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME, HOW DID YOU KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU CAN TRUST THEM?

The man says I'M IN SALES AND I'M... IF YOU LOOK THEM IN THE EYE.

Nicholas says I CAN'T SEE YOUR EYES RIGHT NOW.

As the man removes his sunglasses, Nicholas says THAT'S BETTER.

The man says IF YOU LOOK THEM IN THE EYE AND THEY'RE NOT DOING A LOT OF THIS KIND OF THING, LOOK AT YOU, REALLY, AND YOU CAN CARRY ON A CONVERSATION, THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET. NOT SELF-CONSCIOUS. RIGHT? YOU CAN START TO DEVELOP A TRUST AT THAT PARTICULAR POINT.

Nicholas says OKAY. THANKS.

The man says GOOD LUCK WITH THE BOOK.

They shake hands. The clip ends.

Mary says OKAY. SO, WE DON'T HAVE ELTON JOHN IN THE STUDIO TODAY BUT WE DO HAVE NICK BOOTHMAN AND HE'S GOING TO TELL US HOW TO MAKE A GREAT IMPRESSION IN 90 SECONDS OR LESS. HE'S ALSO GOING TO STICK AROUND AND TAKE YOUR CALL. SO IF YOU'RE CONCERNED ABOUT A MEETING COMING UP, LET'S SAY, OR YOU WANT TO MAKE THAT GREAT FIRST IMPRESSION WITH SOMEONE SPECIAL OR MAYBE YOU'D EVEN LIKE TO RECOUNT HOW YOU FIRST MET YOUR WIFE OR YOUR BOSS, OR YOUR BEST FRIEND, THEN GIVE US A CALL. THE NUMBER IN TORONTO IS 416-484-2727. YOU CAN ALSO CALL LONG DANCE TOLL FREE AT 1-888-411-1234.

The phone numbers reappear briefly.

Mary says AND WELCOME TO NICK, THANK YOU FOR COMING IN.

Nick says THANK YOU.

Nick is clean-shaven, with short brown hair and glasses. He wears a black suit and a pale blue shirt.

Mary says NOW, WE JUST HAD A LOOK AT THAT TAPE AND YOU WERE TALKING TO STRANGERS, YOU JUST WENT OUT THERE COLD. AND IT WAS ON THE ISSUE OF TRUST NO LESS. AND THEY SEEM TO TAKE TO YOU. NOW, HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

The caption changes to "Nicholas Boothman. 'How to make people like you.'"

Nick says WELL, LET ME... BEFORE I TELL YOU THAT, LET ME SAY, IT'S VERY INTIMIDATING TO PEOPLE WHEN YOU'VE GOT A CAMERA CREW AND MIC BOOMS AND EVERYTHING. SURE. WHAT HAPPENS IS, WE DO ACTUALLY DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT WE LIKE SOMEONE IN THE FIRST TWO SECONDS. MAKE SNAP JUDGMENTS ABOUT PEOPLE.

Mary says IS THAT PROVEN?

Nick says ABSOLUTELY. HARVARD SCHOOL OF HEALTH SCIENCES, IN FACT, THE TITLE OF THE PAPER THAT WAS PUT OUT BY THE DOCTOR, YOU CAN FIND ON THE INTERNET, WAS THAT STUDENTS SEE A TWO-SECOND VIDEO CLIP OF A TEACHER WITH NO SOUND, CAME TO THE SAME CONCLUSIONS ABOUT THAT TEACHER, THE STUDENTS WHO SPENT AN ENTIRE SEMESTER WITH THEM.

Mary says REALLY.

Nick says MAKE SNAP JUDGMENTS. BRAINS ARE HARD WIRED TO MAKE A FIGHT OR FLIGHT, DO WE TRUST SOMEONE, DO WE WANT TO RUN AWAY, DO THIS INSTINCTIVELY, AS SOON AS WE LOOK AT SOMEONE, MAKE A DECISION. BUT THE POINT IS, WE'RE USUALLY WRONG. WE'RE FREQUENTLY WRONG. WE MAKE SNAP JUDGMENTS ABOUT PEOPLE. SEE...

Mary says YOU'RE RIGHT. WHEN I WAS THINKING, WE'RE FREQUENTLY WRONG, THINK OF HOW MANY COUPLES GOT TOGETHER AND THEY SAY, THEY HATED EACH OTHER AT FIRST AND THEN THEY GOT MARRIED.

Nick says ABSOLUTELY. OR THEY DIDN'T LIKE EACH OTHER. WHATEVER. HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS, THOUGH. HERE'S WHY IS INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT. WE HAVE ABSOLUTE PROOF THAT WE DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT WE LIKE SOMEONE IN THE FIRST TWO SECONDS OF SEEING THEM. HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS, WHEN YOU LIKE SOMEONE, YOU SEE THE BEST IN THEM. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEM, YOU SEE THE WORST IN THEM.

Mary says YOU'RE SAYING THEY'RE THE SAME QUALITIES?

Nick says SENSORY IMPORT, ABSOLUTELY. BUT IF I LIKE THE GUY, I MIGHT THINK HE'S ENTHUSIASTIC. IF I DON'T LIKE HIM, I MIGHT THINK HE'S OVERBEARING. PHENOMENONAL IMPORTANT TO MAKE THE FIRST IMPRESSION WORK FOR YOU.

Mary says YOU'RE SAYING YOU CAN TURN ALL THIS, I GUESS, RESEARCH I MEAN, YOU STUDIED...

Nick says MAKE IT WORK FOR YOU. PROGRAMMING, YEAH.

Mary says WHICH I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH. AND THEN I READ YOU STUDY STUDIED SOMETHING CALLED IRRESISTIBLE LANGUAGE.

Nick says LANGUAGE PATTERN. LANGUAGE PATTERNS, SURE. THAT'S ALL... THAT'S IN THERE. BUT I WAS ACTUALLY A FASHION PHOTOGRAPHER FOR 25 YEARS AND I HAD TO DO WORK ON THREE DIFFERENT CONTINENTS. EVERY DAY WHEN YOU DO A FASHION SHOOT OR AN ADVERTISING SHOOT, LOTS OF PEOPLE COME TOGETHER WHO DON'T EACH OTHER. MAYBE 20 PEOPLE COME TOGETHER. AND I NOTICED VERY EARLY ON, THERE WAS ALWAYS CERTAIN PEOPLE THAT COULD GET ALONG WITH ANYBODY. AND THERE WERE OTHER PEOPLE THAT COULDN'T GET ALONG WITH ANYBODY, INCLUDING MYSELF, HALF THE TIME. SO I SET ABOUT WITH MY BACKGROUND IN LINGUISTIC STICK PROGRAM, BASICALLY ABOUT DISCOVERING THE STRUCTURE OF BEHAVIOUR, HOW DO YOU DID SOMETHING, NOT WHY YOU DO IT. HOW DOES THIS GROUP, INCLUDING ME, WHY ARE THESE GUYS DOING DIFFERENT WITH THESE PEOPLE? SO WE SET ABOUT FINDING OUT WHAT THE BEHAVIOURS ARE. CAME UP, THEY'RE DOING FOUR THINGS, ESSENTIALLY. THESE GUYS CONSISTENTLY DO FOUR THINGS IN A CERTAIN ORDER AND IT WORKS FOR THEM EVERY TIME. THESE PEOPLE, THEY HAVE NO SYSTEM. AND THE GREAT NEWS IS, THE SKILL. YOU CAN LEARN HOW TO DO IT.

Mary says YOU ACTUALLY CAN LEARN. THEY'RE DOING IT INNATELY, OF COURSE, THEY DON'T REALIZE THEY'RE DOING IT.

Nick says PROBABLY BEEN BROUGHT UP DOING IT. OUR FAMILY IS DOING IT. THEY GOT... TALKING ABOUT SOCIAL SKILLS HERE.

Mary says OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

Nick says BASIC SOCIAL SKILLS.

Mary says WHAT ARE THE FOUR INCREDIBLE THINGS THAT YOU NEED TO DO?

Nick says ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS IS, YOU WERE TALKING, I WISH I WAS IN HERE FOR FIRST HALF HOUR, SO MANY THINGS WE COULD HAVE TALKED ABOUT. FIRST OF ALL, IN FACE-TO-FACE COMMUNICATION, 55 percent OF ALL COMMUNICATION IS BODY LANGUAGE. THE WAY THINGS LOOK. 38 percent IS THE TONE OF YOUR VOICE AND 7 percent OF THE WORDS YOU USE SO GO FIGURE WHAT E-MAIL IS ALL B.IT'S JUST THE WORDS. YOU SEE, IT'S LIKE THIS, IF I SAY TO YOU, I'M HAVING A REALLY GOOD TIME NOW. THIS IS A GREAT SHOW. YOU BELIEVE MY GESTURES OVER MY WORDS. ALL RIGHT? IF I SAY IT IN A FOUL VOICE, YOU'LL BELIEVE MY VOICE TONE OVER MY WORDS. THE POINT IS, WE HAVE TO SEE SOMEONE, WE HAVE TO HEAR THEIR TONE OF VOICE, AND WE HAVE TO HEAR THE WORDS. THEY ALL HAVE TO BE SAYING THE SAME THING. IT'S CALLED CON GREWENT. WHEN SOMEBODY'S CONGRUENT, WE TRUST AND BELIEVE THEM.

Mary says EVERYTHING MATCHES UP?

Nick says ABSOLUTELY. ABSOLUTELY. AND, SO, WHAT HAPPENS IS THE FIRST THING THAT WE CAN ADJUST IS OUR ATTITUDE. WHEN PEOPLE SEE FOR THE FIRST TIME, ACTUALLY SEEING YOUR ATTITUDE AND SO WE CAN DEFINE ATTITUDES INTO USELESS AND USEFUL. IT'S THAT SIMPLE. SIMPLE TO CONTROL YOUR BODY LANGUAGE WITH ATTITUDE. IF YOU'RE ANGRY, ATTITUDES INFECTIOUS. IF YOU'RE ANGRY, IT'S REPULSIVE. BUT IF YOU'RE WARM, PLAYFUL OR YOU'RE PATIENT, THESE THINGS ARE ATTRACTIVE.

Mary says IS THERE'S A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF ACTING GOING HERE, RIGHT?

Nick says NOT AT ALL. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ACCESS THE ATTITUDE YOU WANT. YOU CAN REMEMBER A TIME WHEN YOU FELT, LOOK, WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE, IT'S ABOUT MAKING THE OTHER PERSON FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH YOU. IT'S ABOUT MAKING THEM FEEL COMFORTABLE. WHEN I WAS ON THE STREET, I WAS DOING CERTAIN THINGS THAT WERE GUARANTEED TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL COMFORTABLE. I HAD EYE CONTACT. WHEN I... STILL IN THE FIRST QUARTER OF THE BOOK RIGHT NOW, HERE, I'LL GIVE YOU THREE THINGS THAT YOUR VIEWERS CAN DO OVER THE NEXT FEW DAYS. MASSIVELY HELP THEIR FACE-TO-FACE SKILLS. FIRST OF ALL, NOTICE THE COLOUR OF THE EYES OF THE PERSON... OF EVERY PERSON YOU MEET FOR ONE DAY, THAT'S ALL. WE SAY TO PEOPLE HAVE EYE CONTACT. A LOT OF PEOPLE CAN'T LOOK OTHER PEOPLE IN THE EYE. IN PHOTOGRAPHY YOU CAN'T GET PEOPLE TO SAY SMILE WITHOUT SMILING.

Mary says ALSO A CULTURAL THING, TOO.

Nick says ABSOLUTELY. BUT IF YOU WANT TO IS TO CONNECT IN THIS CULTURE, THEN JUST NOTICE THE COLOUR OF THE EYES. IF YOU'VE GOT KIDS BRIBE THEMSELVES, GIVE YOU TEN BUCKS, COME HOME FROM SCHOOL, TELL ME THE COLOUR OF THE EYES OF EVERY TEACHER YOU MET TODAY. POINT YOUR HEART TO EVERY PERSON YOU MEET. OPEN BODY LANGUAGE AND CLOSED. WHEN THE BODY LANGUAGE IS OPEN, YOUR HEART IS POINTING AT SOMEONE ELSE. THEY NATURALLY TEND TO TRUST YOU. WHEN I MET THESE PEOPLE ON THE STREET, GAVE THEM EYE CONTACT, A SMILE. WHEN YOU LOOK SMILE, YOU LOOK HAPPY AND CONFIDENT. IF YOU CAN'T SMILE, WASTE TO SMILE. HAD MY HEART POINTING AT THEM, I HAD A PEN IN MY HAND. IT WAS A CLOSED PEN, EXPENSIVE PEN THAT I USED FOR A REASON. IF IT'S CLOSED, I'M NOT GOING TO WROOILT ANYTHING DOWN. AND WHEN I SPEAK WITH A PEN, THEY CAN SEE I'VE GOT NOTHING IN MY HANDS. WE ARE HARD WIRED TO SUSPECT PEOPLE IF YOU CAN SEE SOMEONE'S HANDS, FEEL MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE. SO I SAID TO PEOPLE, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? THAT'S ALL. AND SELF-CONSCIOUSLY THEY SAW THIS, IT MEANS CALM. ALL RIGHT? AND THEN I ASKED THEM, A HOW QUESTION. MY BOOK HAS FOUR SECTIONS. THE THIRD SECTION IS ABOUT HOW TO START CONVERSATIONS AND HOW TO ASK QUESTIONS SO WE CAN GET STARTED.

Mary says LIKING... LIKE TALKING WITH HANDS IS GOOD?

Nick says LETTING SOMEONE SEE YOU'VE GOT NOTHING IN YOUR HANDS. IF I'D GONE OUT WITH MY HANDS IN THE BACK POCKETS, PEOPLE WOULD NOT HAVE FELT COMFORTABLE IF I WASN'T FACING THEM WITH MY HEART I WOULD HAVE... THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF BODY LANGUAGE, OPEN AND CLOSED.

Mary says LET'S GET BACK TO YOUR POINTS BECAUSE WE HAVE CALLERS WAITING. LET'S GO TO CARRIE FROM TORONTO. JUST BEFORE WE DO, IN CASE YOU HAVE JUST TUNED IN AND YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MAKING A GREAT IMPRESSION IN A VERY SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME, LESS THAN 90 SECONDS. WE'RE TALKING TO NICK BOOTHMAN. HE WILL ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS IN TORONTO, CALL 416-484-2727. OR TOLL-FREE LONG DANCE AT 1-888-, 411-1234. WE DO HAVE CARRIE CALLING. HELLO, CARE.

The Caller says HI. I HAD MET A PERSON AND DID NOT GIVE OUT A GOOD IMPRESSION, AND I WAS WONDERING WHEN I MEET THIS PERSON AGAIN, HOW CAN I GIVE A BETTER IMPRESSION? THE FIRST TIME I WAS NERVOUS.

Nick says UM-HUM. OKAY. THAT'S GREAT.

Mary says DO WE GET SECOND CHANCES?

Nick says IT'S TOUGH. IT'S TOUGH. BUT IF YOU'RE MEETING THEM AGAIN YOU'VE GOT THE SECOND CHANCE. IN FACT, BRINGS ME TO THE SECOND PART OF THE BOOK. BECAUSE THE FIRST THING IS TO ADJUST YOUR ATTITUDE. THE SECOND THING, THOUGH, IS WHAT DO PEOPLE DO WHO DO GET ON WITH EACH OTHER FROM A BEHAVIOUR POINT OF VIEW? REALLY SIMPLY. TEND TO SYNCHRONIZE THEIR BODY LANGUAGE AND THEIR VOICE TONES.

Mary says I NOTICED THAT IN THE TAPE. THE MAN TALKING TO YOU, HE WAS LIKE THIS, YOU MIMICKED IT.

She crosses her arms.

Nick says SYNCHRONIZE. MAKING FUN OF HIM. MIMIC IS MAKING FUN OF. HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS, WHEN PEOPLE GET ON, GO LOOK AROUND THE RESTAURANT, PEOPLE WHO ARE GETTING ON TEND TO BE SITTING THE SAME WAY, BREATHING AT THE SAME SPEED, TALKING AT THE SAME SPEED. NOW, WHEN YOU'RE NODDING TO ME, I'M NODDING BACK, IT'S CALL SINK PROGRAMMED TO DO THIS, PROGRAMMED TO SYNCHRONIZE EACH OTHER. OTHER TWO IN HERE EARLIER, AT ONE POINT LAUREN STARTED TO OPEN UP, AT ONE POINT, SITTING THE SAME WAY AS BEN, HER HANDS HERE, HIS HANDS THERE, LEGS CROSSED, HER UPPER BODY WAS STARTING TO SYNCHRONIZE. AND THEY WERE GETTING ON QUITE WELL AT THAT APPOINTMENT. SO, THE POINT IS, WE SYNCHRONIZE. SO HERE'S WHAT YOU DO, CARRIE, WHEN YOU GO OUT AGAIN. SYNCHRONIZE YOUR BODY LANGUAGE AND YOUR VOICE TONE WITH THE PERSON THAT YOU'RE MEETING. SIT LIKE THEY SIT. WHEN WE LOOK AT PEOPLE WHO HAVE GOT REALLY GREAT SKILLS, FACE-TO-FACE, THEY DO THAT ANYWAY. AND YOU'LL FIND, WHEN YOU'RE WITH YOUR FRIENDS, THINK ABOUT IT. YOU MAY HAVE BEEN WITH SOMEONE AND THEY CHANGE THEIR WEIGHT AND YOU CHANGE YOUR WEIGHT OR THEY PICK UP THEIR CUP AND YOU TEND TO DOT SAME THING. DO IT NATURALLY. IT'S A FUNCTION OF OUR BRAINS.

Mary says NOW, CAN ANYBODY LEARN THIS METHOD? LIKE ANYBODY?

Nick says ABSOLUTELY. I TEACH THIS TO BIG CORPORATIONS AROUND THE WORLD. I ALSO TEACH IT TO SCHOOLS. I GO INTO SCHOOLS AND TEACH IT TO ANYONE WHO'S OVER 14 YEARS OLD.

Mary says BUT, YOU KNOW, I THINK ABOUT, I MEAN, WHAT ABOUT SOME OF THE BARRIERS THAT SOME PEOPLE MIGHT FACE? MAYBE THE PERSON IS REALLY, REALLY SHY. HOW DO THEY OVERCOME THAT?

Nick says I'VE DONE SO MUCH WORK TEACHING SHY PEOPLE ALL OVER THE CONTINENT. THEIR ARE THREE THINGS, NUMBER ONE, THERE'S NO SO MUCH THING AS SHY. NOT AN ATTRIBUTE. MAY BE RESERVED OR CAUTIOUS, BUT YOU'RE NOT SHY. YOU KNOW YOU'RE SHY BECAUSE SOMEONE TOLD YOU, PARENTS, SOMEONE CAME OUT AND SAID, LET'S INVITE JIMMY OUT FOR... TO A PARTY WHEN HE'S FOUR YEARS OLD. THE PARENTS, JIMMY'S VERY SHY, YOU KNOW. BY THE TIME JIMMY'S 15, HE KNOWS HE'S SHY. TWO THINGS FOR SHY PEOPLE. NUMBER ONE, SHY PEOPLE DON'T GET FEEDBACK. YOU SPEAK TO A SHY PERSON, THEY LOOK AT YOU. DON'T GIVE THEM ANY FEEDBACK. SHY PEOPLE CAN LEARN TO LOOK INTERESTED, TO GIVE FEEDBACK, TO GIVE PHYSICAL FEEDBACK OR TO GIVE VERBAL FEEDBACK, TO SAY THINGS TO GET THE OTHER PERSON TALKING. WITH A SHY PERSON, LIKE PLAYING TENNIS ON YOUR OWN, BANG THE BALL OVER THE NET, ASK THEM A QUESTION, IT COMES BACK. IT'S THERE OR NOT THERE. IT GROWS. THE OTHER THING WITH SHY PEOPLE...

Mary says IT WOULD BE DIFFICULT FOR THEM TO LEARN THIS, MORE DIFFICULT PERHAPS THAN SAY SOMEONE ELSE.

Nick says NO. NO, IT ISN'T. LOOK, IF YOU'RE A SHY PERSON, I'M TALKING TO YOU, IT'S YOUR JOB TO LISTEN. I'LL KNOW THAT THE MESSAGE IS GOING IN. IT BECOMES A SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY. TALK TO SOMEONE FOR A FEW MINUTES, THINK THEY'RE SHY, NO FEEDBACK, AFTER A WHILE THINK, I'M GOING TO GO AND TALK TO SOMEBODY ELSE. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS. THE OTHER THING YOU CAN DO WITH SHY PEOPLE IS THAT THEY'RE NOT ONLY... DON'T GIVE YOU FEEDBACK, THERE'S A BODY MIND CONNECTION. WHEN YOU DO SHY, BECAUSE SHY IS SOMETHING YOU DO, IT'S A VERB,, NOT AYR ANNOUNCE, WHEN YOU DO SHY, YOUR BODY TENDS TO GO INTO CERTAIN POSITIONS. SHY PERSON WILL NATURALLY TURN THEIR HEART AWAY FROM YOU LIKE THIS WHEN THEY'RE TALKING TO YOU. NOT AWARE OF IT. SO MAKE THEM TURN TO YOU. WHEN I DEAL WITH GUYS, FOR EXAMPLE, TALK TO SHY GUYS WHO SAY THEY'RE SHY, WHEN THEY TALK TO YOU, HAVE TO PUT THEIR HANDS IN THE BACK POCKET. WHEN YOUR HAND IS IN THE BACK POCKET, THEY'RE FACING, YOU CAN'T DO SHY, YOUR BODY WON'T LET YOUR MIND TO DO IT.

Mary says ALL THESE TRICKS THAT YOU COME.

Nick says ABSOLUTELY. REALLY SIMPLE.

Mary says OKAY. WE'VE GOT ANOTHER CALLER, MICHELLE FROM TORONTO. HELLO, MICHELLE.

The Caller says HI. THE QUESTION IS, HOW DO YOU OVERCOME A BAD IMPRESSION OF SOMEONE, THEY GIVE YOU WONDERFUL EYE CONTACT, THEY'RE DRESSED WELL, HAVE A WONDERFUL VOICE, THEY SMILE, THEY HAVE NO EXCESSIVE BODY MOTIONS, BUT THEY HAVE SEVERE ACNE OR THEY WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP OR JUST BODY ODOUR, BAD BREATH OR DANDRUFF, WHAT DO YOU DO THEN?

Nick says WELL, THE BEGINNING OF OF MY BOOK A PUT A SECTION TO PREFACE EVERYTHING, THE MEANS TO COMMUNICATION IS THE RESPONSE YOU GET. WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT DEFINITIONS. BUT IT'S TRUE. THE MEAN OF COMMUNICATION IS IT DEPENDS ON THE RESPONSE YOU GET. IN ORDER FOR TO THAT TO HAPPEN, YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF THIS PERSON THAT YOU JUST MET?

Mary says MICHELLE? HI, ARE YOU THERE? WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT OUT OF THIS PERSON, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

The Caller says WELL, I'M ACTUALLY REVERSING THE ROLE BECAUSE I GO INTO A SITUATION AND I HAVE SEVERE SKIN PROBLEMS AND I'VE HAD PEOPLE MAKE COMMENTS, AND IT'S HARD, THAT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN HIDE. I MEAN, YOU COULD HIDE IT BEHIND MAKEUP, BUT THEN THERE'S THAT WHOLE PERCEPTION OF PEOPLE THAT WEAR MAKEUP OR PEOPLE THAT HAVE ACNE, THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT, NO MATTER HOW WELL YOU PRESENT YOURSELF IN OTHER WAYS.

Nick says YEAH. I UNDERSTAND THAT. BUT WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM THE SITUATION? DO YOU WANT TO SELL SOMETHING? YOU WANT TO MEET SOMEBODY? WHAT IS IT YOU WANT?

The Caller says IT MIGHT BE IN A JOB INTERVIEW.

Nick says FINE. THEN BELIEVE ME, IF YOU HAVE THE RIGHT ATTITUDE, IF YOU SYNCHRONIZE THAT BODY... THEIR BODY LANGUAGE AND THEIR VOICE TONE, IF YOU GET TO THE SECTION ON CONVERSATION, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE GET TO THE SECTION ON SENSORY PREFERENCES, IF WE HAVE TIME, BECAUSE THAT ALLOWS YOUR QUESTION... IT WILL ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, A LOT OF WHAT WAS GOING ON. WHICH IS REALLY IMPORTANT, HUGE IN RELATIONSHIPS.

Mary says OKAY. YOU KNOW, YOU'VE GIVEN ME SO MUCH INFORMATION HERE. I'M NOT SURE WHICH NUMBER WE'RE ON. CAN WE JUST RECAP. YOU SAID FOUR THINGS. FIRST ONE IS...

Nick says FIRST THING IS ADJUST YOUR ATTITUDE. SECOND THING IS IMMEDIATELY SYNCHRONIZE BODY LANGUAGE AND VOICE TONE WITH SOMEBODY. THIRD THING IS CONVERSATION SKILLS. WE'LL SKIP OVER THAT. BUT ESSENTIALLY, QUESTIONS ON THE SPOT SPARKS A CONVERSATION. AND ANY QUESTION YOU KNOW BECAUSE OF YOUR JOB, ANY QUESTION THAT BEGINS WITH WHO, WHAT, WHY, WHEN OR HOW, GETS THE OTHER PERSON TALKING. ANY PERSON THAT GETS A YES OR NO ANSWER, MEANS YOU HAVE TO THINK OF ANOTHER QUESTION. WHEN YOU MEET SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME, YOU'RE INVOLVED IN THE HUNT FOR COMMON GROUND. YOU'RE AFTER... THE MOMENT YOU FIND COMMON GROUND, THE PRESSURE'S OFF AND YOU'LL GET ON WELL TOGETHER. SUDDENLY REALIZE THEY BOTH ENJOYED SKYDIVING, THEY'D BE GETTING ON LIKE A HOUSE ON FIRE.

Mary says YOU SAY THAT IN YOUR BOOK. YOU SAY WE'RE LOOKING FOR PEOPLE LIKE US.

Nick says YES. OKAY. HERE'S THE BOTTOM LINE, PEOPLE LIKE PEOPLE LIKE THEMSELVES. WHY DO YOU LIKE YOUR FRIENDS? YOU LIKE YOUR FRIENDS BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT THINGS IN COMMON. SAME TASTE IN MOVIES, FOOD, WHATEVER. HERE'S THE FOURTH THING, HERE'S WHY IT IS IMPORTANTLY. WE KNOW WE'RE HERE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OR SENSES TELL US, I CAN SEE YOU, FEEL, I CAN HEAR YOU. WE NOW KNOW, WE NEED TO LEARN MAINLY... RELY ON THREE SENSES TO NEGOTIATE OUR WAY AROUND DURING THE DAY. WHAT WE SEE, WHAT WE HEAR, WHAT WE FEEL. WE NOW KNOW JUST OVER HALF THE POPULATION PRIMARILY RESPONDS TO THE WORLD BY THE WAY THING LOOK. VISUAL. ABOUT A THIRD OF THE POPULATION PRIMARILY RESPONDS TO THEIR WORLD BY FEELING, BY SENSORY, BY PHYSICAL SENSATION. WE CALL THEM CAL EXTENT I CAN PEOPLE. VERY SMALL PERCENTAGE THROUGH SOUND. WHEN YOU CAN FIGURE OUT... I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT LOOKING WHERE YOU'RE GOING. WHEN YOU CAN FIGURE OUT THE PRIMARY SENSE OF ALL THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE, WHETHER IT'S YOUR BOSS, YOUR EMPLOYEES, YOUR CHILDREN, THE CUSTOMS, WHEN YOU CAN FIGURE OUT WHICH SENSE THEY USE TO RELATE TO THE WORLD, THEN YOU'LL BE ABLE TO GET ON THEIR WAVELENGTH AND BE ABLE TO FIX RELATIONSHIPS AS WELL.

Mary says TRY TO OPERATE IN EITHER THE VISUAL OR THE AUDITORY OR THE KIN SET I CAN CONTEXT?

Nick says I GUARANTEE, THE LADY THAT WHO JUST, A VISUAL PERSON MIGHT TAKE NOTE OF WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT. AUDITORY PERSON FAR MORE INTERESTED IN HER VOICE AND WHAT SHE SOUNDS LIKE.

Mary says AND THE FEELING THAT SHE GOT FROM THEIR CONVERSATION?

Nick says ABSOLUTELY. YOU KNOW, WE ALL GET ON WITH CERTAIN PEOPLE. WHEN WE MEET PEOPLE, I GET ON WITH THIS PERSON, HERE'S WHAT'S HAPPENING, PROBABLY MET SOMEONE WHO SHARES THE SAME PRIMARILY SENSE AS YOU DO. DO WE HAVE TIME?

Mary says YOU KNOW WHAT? LET ME GO TO THIS CALL. JANICE HAS BEEN WAITING. JANICE? HI. DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION?

The Caller says YES. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW HOW YOU MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU OVER THE TELEPHONE. THEY'VE NEVER MET YOU, IT'S THE FIRST TIME THEY'RE PHONING. BECAUSE I PUT ADS IN THE NEWSPAPER FOR HOME DAY CARE, HOW DO YOU CONVINCE THIS PERSON THAT THEY REALLY LIKE YOU AND THEY WANT TO SET UP AN INTERVIEW WITH YOU?

Nick says YOU HAVE TO ADJUST YOUR VOICE TONE. YOU HAVE TO GET A VOICE TONE, WHICH MATCHES YOUR WORDS. IT'S THE SAME THING. WE TAKE THE VISUAL ART OUT OF IT. YOU HAVE TO ADJUST YOUR ATTITUDE. IF YOUR ATTITUDE IS ONE OF PATIENCE OR YOUR ATTITUDE IS WARM OR CARING OR CONCERNED, PEOPLE CAN SEE THAT ATTITUDES INFECTIOUS. WE INFECT EACH OTHER WITH ATTITUDE. ADJUST YOUR ATTITUDE FOR USEFUL ATTITUDE.

Mary says OKAY. HOPE THAT HELPS. NOW, LET'S GET BACK TO WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT. SENSES ARE SO IMPORTANT. I MEAN, THAT MAKES TOTAL SENSE TO ME. RIGHT. THE ONLY THING IS, 90 SECONDS, HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT OUT IN 90 SECONDS?

Nick says LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. FIRST OF ALL, THE BOOK KOCHB TITLED HOW TO MAKE SOMEONE LIKE YOU IN FOUR SECONDS OR LESS. THAT'S HOW LONG WE MAKE THE DECISION. BUT NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE THE BOOK IF WE PUT THAT. WE KNOW WITH THE FIRST FOUR SECONDS WILL TAKE CARE OF WHETHER SOMEONE SEES THE BEST IN YOU, WHETHER THEY FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH. AFTER THAT, FIGURE OUT THE PRIMARY SENSE. YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER 86 SECONDS LEFT. VERY EASY. LET ME TELL YOU HOW IT AFFECTS OUR LIVES. LET'S SAY I'M A TRAVEL AGENT. SOMEONE COMES IN, SAYS, I WANT TO GO ON HOLIDAY. IF I CAN SPOT IMMEDIATELY THAT FEELING BASE, I'D SAY TO THEM, I HAVE A GREAT PLACE FOR YOU, THE SAND IS SOFT, WATER'S WARM, BEDS ARE COMFORTABLE, I TELL THEM WHAT IT FEELS LIKE. AUDITORY, I'D SAY THEM TO IN A NICE VOICE, I'VE GOT A GREAT VOICE, ALL YOU CAN HEAR IS THE WAVES AND THE GULLS, AWAY FROM THE CITY. VISUALLY, LOOK AT THE PICTURES, THAT'S HOW THEY MAKE THE DECISIONS ON DIFFERENT SENSES.

Mary says COULD HAVE GONE INTO A LOT MORE. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION OF ME?

Nick says YOU WERE BUSY.

Mary says THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING IN, NICK. NICK BOOTHMAN, AUTHOR OF THE NEW BOOK, "HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU IN 90 SECONDS OR LESS." IT'S PRODUCED BY WORKMAN PUBLISHING. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT HIS WEBSITE AT...

A slate reads "Nicholas Boothman, www.nicholasboothman.com."

Mary says And that's our show for today. Thanks for watching, and I hope you'll tune in every weekday at 1 o'clock for More to Life.

Watch: Dating - How To Make People Like You In 90 Seconds