Transcript: Parenting | Oct 23, 2000

(music plays)
In animation, the title appears inside the shape of a house: “More to Family.”

The opening sequence shows a wooden table with a small lit candle as several words fly by: Relationships, education, caregivers, home, family.
Fast clips show different sets of hands performing activities on the table such as pulling petals from a daisy, drawing a big red heart, tuning a violin, flipping through the pages of a book, cooking, and pouring a glass of red wine.
In animation, the title appears inside the shape of a house: “More to life.”

Then, Maureen Taylor appears in a studio with yellow walls and a small TV set in the background, which reads “More to life.”

Maureen is in her late thirties, with wavy blond hair in a bob. She's wearing a blue blazer over a black turtleneck sweater.

She says Hi, I’m Maureen Taylor and welcome
To More to Life. If you’re a parent,
I bet my son’s Playstation that you’ve heard of my guest this afternoon.
Parenting expert, Barbara Colorosso.

Barbara sits in the studio. She’s in her fifties, with white hair in a bob. She’s wearing a green blazer over a white blouse.

Maureen continues
You probably already have her book “Kids are worth it.”
Her latest one out in paperback is “Parenting through crises.”
THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO TALK
ABOUT YOUR KIDS WITHOUT
BORING EVERYBODY ABOUT THE
WATER COOLER, SO IF YOUR
TODDLER IS TESTING YOUR
PATIENCE, IF YOU AND YOUR
SPOUSE CAN'T AGREE ON THINGS
LIKE CURFEWS AND
CONSEQUENCES GIVE US A CALL,
TALK TO BAR BRO -- BARBARA
COLOROSSO.

A caption appears on screen. It reads "416-484-2727. 1-888-411-1234."
Then, it changes to “moretolife@tvo.org”

Maureen says WELCOME BACK,
BARBARA.

BARBARA says OH, IT'S A
PLEASURE, THANK YOU.

Maureen says I MENTIONED
CONSEQUENCES AND I ALMOST
SAID DISCIPLINE IS THERE
ANYTHING WRONG WITH THE
NOTION THAT WE DISCIPLINE
OUR KIDS?

The caption changes to "BARBARA COLOROSSO. Parenting Expert."

Barbara says I GO
BACK TO THE LATIN TERM, TO
GIVE LIFE TO LEARNING, TO
DISCIPLINE WITH AUTHORITY
WHICH IS MY JOB AS A PARENT
IS TO GIVE LIFE TO LEARNING
WHICH IS VERY DIFFERENT AS
PUNISHMENT, WHICH WE OFTEN
ATTACH TO CONSEQUENCES.
PUNISHMENT IN FACT IS REALLY
A VERY ADULT-ORIENTED THING.
IT IMPOSES JUDGMENT.
IT'S CONTROL FROM WITHIN
OUTSIDE THE CHILD AND OFTEN
AROUSES A LOT OF RESENTMENT
IN CHILDREN AND TEACHES THEM
TO RESPOND WITH FEAR OR
FIGHT BACK OR FLEE.
DISCIPLINE ON THE OTHER HAND
DOES FOUR THINGS PUNISHMENT
WON'T DO.
SHOWS KIDS WHAT THEY'VE DONE
WRONG, GIVES THEM OWNERSHIP
OF THE PROBLEM, GIVES THEM
WAYS TO SOLVE IT, AND THAT'S
WHERE OUR WISDOM AS PARENTS
COMES IN, GIVING THEM WAYS
TO SOLVE THE PROBLEMS THEY
CREATED AND GIVES THEM
SOMETHING PUNISHMENT WILL
NEVER DO, LEAVES A CHILD'S
DIGNITY IN TACT.
SO WITH THE FOUR STEPS OF
DISCIPLINE ARE CONSEQUENCES
BUT THEY'RE NOT THE BRIBES
AND THREATS AND REWARDS AND
PUNISHMENTS THAT WE SO OF
HERE.
A BRIBE BY THE WAY IS A
PLEASANT THREAT AND A THREAT
IS AN UGLY BRIBE.
THEY'RE THE SAME THING.
RATHER I GO BACK TO THE
FRENCH TERM RESPONDEZ-SIL
VOUS PLAIT.
WHICH MEANS PLEASE RESPOND.
CONSEQUENCES NEED TO BE MORE
WORK FOR THE CHILD THAN YOU.
AND THEY MUST ALWAYS BE FOUR
THING, R.S.V.P., REASONABLE,
SIMPLE, VALUABLE AND
PRACTICAL.
FOR INSTANCE, THERE'S A
STORY IN MY FIRST BOOK “KIDS
ARE WORTH IT” BUT A WOMAN
RUNNING OVER HER SON'S
BICYCLE.
I CAMOUFLAGED IT.
I RAN OVER MY SON'S BICYCLE.

Maureen says OH, THIS IS YOU?

Barbara says YEAH,
I DID IT AND I SAID JOSEPH,
I'M SO SORRY, I MANGLED THAT
THING SO BADLY.
I BROUGHT IT INTO THE SHOP
TO GET IT REPAIRED AND I
WILL PAY FOR THE DAMAGES AND
IT'LL BE BACK IN WEEK.
NOW I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW
MANY PEOPLE HAVE SAID TO ME
BUT WAIT A MINUTE, WHERE IS
HIS CONSEQUENCE FOR PUTTING
IT BEHIND --
I SAID WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A
MINUTE.
AS SOON AS I START MAKING
EXCUSES FOR SOMETHING I DID,
I HAVE GIVEN MY CHILDREN THE
BEST ROLE MODEL FOR MAKING
AN EXCUSE WHEN ANYTHING
HAPPENS TO ME.
WELL IT'S MY FAULT, IT
WASN'T DARK ENOUGH, THE KID
BEHIND ME WAS BUGGING ME OR
THE CLASSIC “HE HIT ME BACK
FIRST.”
I RAN OVER A BICYCLE.
BUT I ALSO SAID TO HIM JOE,
IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN
AGAIN.
I'M GOING WALK BEHIND THE
CAR BEFORE I EVER GET IN IT
AGAIN.
I THOUGHT I HIT A KICHLT I
MEAN A BIKE WAS EASY.
BUT I ALSO SAID TO HIM IF I
EVER WALK BEHIND THERE AND
FIND YOUR BIKE BEHIND THERE?
IT GETS LOCKED UP FOR A WEEK.

Maureen says NOW ISN'T THAT A
THREAT THOUGH, BARBARA?

Barbara says NO, LOOK.
IF I FIND IT, IT GETS LOCKED
UP FOR A WEEK.
I DIDN'T TAKE HIS
PLAYSTATION AWAY FROM HIM, I
DIDN'T TELL HIM HE CAN'T
WATCH TV, HE CAN'T GO TO HIS
FRIENDS.
I SAID THE BIKE, WHICH IS
WHAT HE WAS PUTTING IN THE
WRONG PLACE, GETS PUT WHERE
IT BELONGS FOR A WEEK.
AND I SAY TO PARENTS NOW IS
THAT REASONABLE?
THEY GO YEAH.
I GO IS IT SIMPLE?
MM-HMM, IT'S MORE WORK FOR
THE KID THAN IT IS FOR YOU.
IT'S REASONABLE, SIMPLE,
VALUABLE.
MM-HMM IS IT PRACTICAL AND
MOST PARENTS SAY MM-HMM.
I SAY WAIT A MINUTE.
UNLESS HE HAS A PAPER ROUTE.
AND IF THE ONLY WAY HE CAN
GET THE PAPERS DELIVERED ON
TIME WITHOUT THE NEIGHBOURS
CALLING US IS FOR ME TO
DRIVE HIM OR HIM TO TAKE HIS
BIKE, REMEMBER MORE WORK FOR
THE KID THAN IT IS FOR YOU,
THEN YOU SAY EXCEPT THE
PAPER ROUTE.
SO WE UNLOCK IT FOR THE
PAPER ROUTE AND LOCK IT BACK
UP.
AND YET I STILL HAVE PEOPLE
SAYING TO ME “BUT HE DIDN'T
EXPERIENCE THE CONSEQUENCE
THE FIRST TIME” AND I SAY
YEAH, HE DID.
I JUST DIDN'T HAVE TO IMPOSE
IT.
NO BIKE RUN OVER THE WAY I
RAN IT OVER IS EVER GOING TO
RUN THE SAME WAY AGAIN.
AND THE BIKE WAS IN THE SHOP
FOR A WEEK.

Maureen says YOU QUICKLY WENT
TO HIM AND SAID “I'M SORRY.”
HOW EASILY DOES THAT COME TO
PARENTS, TO SAY --

Barbara says NOT EASILY.
IT'S SO MUCH EASIER TO TRY
TO FIND BLAME, IF YOU HADN'T
PUT THE BIKE BEHIND THE CAR
I WOULDN'T HAVE RUN IT OVER
AND ALMOST HAD A CORONARY.
I HAVE TO MODEL ALL THE TIME
FOR THEM HOW I WOULD HOPE
THEY WOULD HANDLE A
SITUATION, BECAUSE WE ARE
TRULY ROLE MODELS FOR THEM.
IT'S NOT ALWAYS WHAT WE SAY
AS MUCH AS WHAT WE DO WHILE
WE'RE SAYING IT.

Maureen says I WAS AT MY
SON'S HOCKEY GAME THIS WEEKEND.
IT'S THE FIRST GAME I'VE
BEEN ABLE TO ATTEND.
AND, YOU KNOW, AT LEAST
THESE PARENTS AREN'T YELLING
AT THEIR OWN CHILDREN LIKE
I'VE SEEN OTHER TEAMS DO,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY WERE
DOING?
THEY WERE REALLY YELLING AT
THE REFS.
YOU KNOW?
OH, YEAH, IS THAT YOUR KID?!
IS THAT WHY YOU MADE THAT
CALL?
AND I FELT SO UNCOMFORTABLE.
WHAT I DO DO AS A PARENT?
OTHER THAN NOT GET INTO THAT
KIND OF BEHAVIOUR?
BUT I THOUGHT “WHAT ARE WE
TEACHING THE CHILDREN IF YOU
GUYS ARE...” HERE ARE THESE
PEOPLE WHO COME OUT TO DO
THIS FOR KIDS AND YOU'RE
YELLING AT THEM, HOW DO I
TALK TO MY SON ABOUT THAT ON
THE WAY HOME.

Barbara says YOU SAY “YOU KNOW, SOME
OF US ADULTS ACT PRETTY STRANGE.”
AND WE OFTEN SAY IMMATURE OR
LIKE A KID.
WELL I DON'T WANT A KID
ACTING THAT WAY.
SOMETIMES WE ACT VERY
STRANGE WHEN WE ARE SO
INVESTED IN OUR KIDS BEING
SUCCESSFUL.
AND I GOT TO TELL YOU,
YOU'LL NEVER CATCH MOMMY AND
DADDY DOING THAT.
AND IF YOU EVER DO, WOULD
YOU PLEASE SAY TO ME MOM,
ZIP IT!
AND GIVE HIM A WAY HE CAN
COME AND SAY MOM, ZIP IT!
BECAUSE YOU KNOW, YOU MIGHT
LOSE IT SOMETIMES.
AND HE AT LEAST KNOWS YOU'VE
HAD THAT CONVERSATION.
BUT I WOULD ALSO SAY THAT AS
A GROUP OF ADULTS, TEAM
MEMBERS, WE CAN COME
TOGETHER.
AND I THINK THE COACH NEEDS
TO SIT WITH US AND TALK
ABOUT WHAT IS OUR
BEHAVIOUR -- I MEAN WE'VE
HAD SUCH HORRIBLE STORIES IN
THE STATES THAT WE'VE
ACTUALLY HAD PARENTS HAD TO
SIGN PLEDGES THAT THEY'LL BE
QUIET, WHICH IS BIZARRE.
RATHER THAN BE QUIET, WE
NEED TO TEACH THEM HOW TO
BEHAVE WITH THEIR KIDS.
IT'S A KIDS' GAME.
IT'S THEIR GAME.
BUT OUR CHILDREN TODAY DON'T
ALWAYS KNOW HOW TO PLAY.
SO MANY OF OUR CHILDREN
DON'T KNOW, UNLESS THEY'RE
SIGNED-UP, SUITED-UP AND
OFFERED-UP ON A SATURDAY
MORNING, COMPETITIVE SPORT
WITH ADULTS SCREAMING AT
THEM.

Maureen says IS THAT OUR
FAULT BECAUSE WE'RE SO
ANXIOUS FOR THEIR FUTURE
THAT WE FROM AN EARLY AGE
GET THEM INVOLVED IN SO MANY
THING EXAMINES GET SERIOUS
ABOUT EACH ONE OF THEM.

Barbara says THE
KEY IS WE GET SERIOUS.
WE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO
PLAY ANYMORE OURSELVES.
TO BE PLAYFUL.
JUST BECAUSE.
INSTEAD OF SAYING NOW IF WE
GET ALL THE WORK DONE WE'LL
GO OUT AND PLAY, AS IF YOU
HAD TO EARN IT.
I SUGGEST TO PARENTS WHO
FIND IT DIFFICULT TO BE
PLAYFUL, I SAY I HAVE AN
ASSIGNMENT FOR YOU.
IT'S NOT EVEN FUN.
IT'S A JOB, SO MAYBE YOU'LL
GET IT DONE.
THIS SATURDAY I WANT YOU TO
SAY TO YOURSELF THE HOUSE IS
A MESS.
LET'S GET OUT AND DO
SOMETHING FUN.

Maureen says AND JUST LEAVE
THE MESS ALONE AND --

Barbara says BECAUSE WE NEED TO HAVE
FUN, JUST BECAUSE.
AND WHEN WE HAVE FUN
TOGETHER AS A FAMILY, WE'LL
HAVE MORE ENERGY TO COME
BACK AND TACKLE THE TASKS WE
ALL NEED TO TACKLE TOGETHER.
WE NEED TO HAVE RECREATION,
LEISURE ACTIVITIES AND WORK
BALANCED IN OUR LIVES.

Maureen says BALANCE IN YOUR
LIFE.
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT THIS AFTERNOON AS
PARENTS WITH BARBARA CALL
ROSE SO.
SHE'S MY GUEST SO, IF YOU
HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT HOW TO
PARENT YOUR CHILDREN, GIVE
US A CALL.

The phone numbers and email reappear briefly.

Maureen says AND WE'VE GOT
ANNA ON THE LINE IN
WOODBRIDGE.
WELCOME, ANNA.

The Caller says HI.

Maureen says HI.

The Caller says HOW ARE YOU?

Maureen says GOOD, THANKS.

The Caller says I HAVE A
TWO-YEAR-OLD WHO IS AFRAID
OF PEOPLE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I CAN'T GO TO THE STORE OR
BRING MY OTHER SON TO
PRE-SCHOOL.

Maureen says WOW IS THIS AN
ACTUAL ANXIETY THING?
WHAT DOES HE DO?

The Caller says SHE --

Maureen says SHE.

The Caller says SHE STARTS
SCREAMING, SHE HOLDS ON THE
DOOR SO THAT I CAN'T GET
INTO THE STORE OR THE
PRE-SCHOOL.
SHE'S TERRIFIED OF
EVERYBODY.

Maureen says HMM.

Barbara says HAS
SHE ALWAYS DONE THIS?

The Caller says NOT IN THE
BEGINNING.

Barbara says OF WHAT?
BEGINNING OF WHEN?

The Caller says LIKE WHEN SHE WAS
BORN SHE WAS OKAY.
SHE WAS OKAY WITH PEOPLE.
BUT NOW, LIKE... IT'S BEEN A
LITTLE WHILE NOW.
I THOUGHT SHE WOULD OVERCOME
THIS IN TIME, BUT SHE'S, SHE
SEEMS TO BE AFRAID OF
EVERYBODY.
LIKE AUNTS, UNCLES,
GRANDPARENTS...

Maureen says HMM.

Barbara says WELL I
LOOK AT IT VERY NORMALLY
ABOUT 18 MONTHS OLD CHILDREN
WILL, WHO HAVE BEEN VERY
FREE TO GO TO OTHER PEOPLE
AND THEY DIDN'T CARE WHO WAS
HOLDING THEM, BEGIN TO PULL
BACK BECAUSE THEY'RE ALSO
DIFFERENTIATING THEMSELVES
FROM THE REST OF THE
ENVIRONMENT, INCLUDING THAT
THIS PERSON'S DIFFERENT THAN
THIS PERSON.
THAT THESE ARE PEOPLE THAT
I'M VERY COMFORTABLE WITH
AND THESE ARE PEOPLE I DON'T
KNOW.
SO YOU'LL SEE THAT, WHERE
YOU'LL SAY CAN I HOLD YOUR
BABY AND THEY'LL SAY OH,
SURE AND THEN THAT 18 MONTH
OLD'LL SAY “NO!”
AND THEY'LL SAY WELL HE
ALWAYS USED TO LIKE TO BE
HELD.
THAT IS CHANGE.
BUT WHEN WE BEGIN TO SEE
SERIOUS ANXIETY THEN I SAY
WE HAVE TO LOOK AT HAS THE
KID HAD A SCARY EXPERIENCE
THAT WE NEED TO BE OPEN TO?
HAS THERE BEEN A MAJOR LOSS
IN THE CHILD'S LIFE?
SO I LOOK AT ALL OF THOSE
KINDS OF THINGS.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WE
CAN DO IS REASSURE THE CHILD,
AND INSIST THAT WE GO AND
NOT LET THEM FALL INTO “I
CAN DO THESE THINGS TO
AVOID.”
BUT TRY TO LOOK AT WHAT'S
GOING ON IN THEIR LIVES.
HAVE THEY BEEN FRIGHTENED BY
SOMEBODY?
HAVE THEY BEEN PUT IN A
SITUATION WHERE THEY'VE BEEN
HURT?
I ALWAYS LOOK AT THAT AFTER
I'VE LOOKED AT JUST
DEVELOPMENTALLY THAT THIS IS
SOMETHING THEY'LL GO TO.
BUT REFUSING TO GO ANY PLACE
AND GRABBING AT PRE-SCHOOL
DOORS AND THE LIKE WON'T
SERVE HER WELL AS SHE GETS
MUCH HOLDER.
AND SO JUST TO CALM HER AND
SAY, YOU KNOW, WE'RE GOING
TO GO THROUGH HERE, AND LOOK
WHAT MOMMY'S DOING.
AND ALSO MAKE IT MORE OF A
PLAYFUL THING, WHERE WE'RE
SKIPPING THROUGH, SO SHE'S
ALMOST FORGETTING WHERE
SHE'S GOING, AS BEING -- I
DON'T MEAN GAMEY BUT
PLAYFUL.
AS WE'RE TRYING TO GET HER
THERE.
AND TO LAUGH WITH HER TO
DISORIENT -- DISORIENT AND
DISENGAGE ARE TWO THINGS.
PICK HER UP AND SWING HER
AROUND AND GALLOP WHERE WE
NEED TO GO.
AND YOU SAY “BUT SHE OUGHT
TO BE ABLE TO GO.”
“OUGHTS” AND “SHOULDS” WE
OUGHT TO GET OUT OF THE
LANGUAGE WHEN WE DEAL WITH
KIDS.
CAN WE BE PLAYFUL AND GET
HER TO GO TO PLACES.

Maureen says DOES IT SOUND
LIKE THIS WARRANTS AN
ASSESSMENT BY A
PEDIATRICIAN?

Barbara says THAT'S THE NEXT THING.
FIRST IS A DEVELOPMENTALLY OKAY?
KIDS DO PULL BACK ABOUT 18
MONTHS TO TWO YEARS.
AND THEN CAN WE BREAK IT,
BEING PLAYFUL, AND IS IT
CERTAIN SITUATIONS?
DO WE LOOK AT HAS THERE BEEN
A LOSS AND THE LIKE?
IF IT IS EVER PERSISTENT,
EXTREME OF ANY BEHAVIOUR IN
THE CHILD, YOU NEED TO FIRST
TALK TO A FAMILY PHYSICIAN
IF POSSIBLE, BECAUSE THEY
SEE A WIDE RANGE OF NORM,
AND THERE'S SO MUCH THAT IS
NORM, MAYBE THEY'RE NOT LIKE
THE FIRST OR SECOND CHILD.
I WOULD AND THEM FIRST, AND
ALSO SOME OF THE ELDERS IN
THE COMMUNITY WHO'VE BEEN
THERE, DONE THAT.
AND PEOPLE SAY, YOU KNOW,
HEY, MY KID WAS LIKE THAT,
AND GREW OUT OF IT.
AND YOU STILL, YOUR GUT SAYS
OH, I DON'T THINK SHE'S
GROWING OUT OF THIS, LISTEN
TO YOUR GUT, AND THEN SEEK
HELP.
IT'S NOT WRONG TO SEEK HELP.
IT'S A VERY HEALTHY THING TO
DO WHEN YOU THINK IT'S SO
ENCOMPASSING OF YOUR WHOLE
LIFE, AND REALLY INTERFERING
WITH THE CHILD'S ABILITY TO
GET ON WITH THEIR OWN LIFE.

Maureen says OKAY.
GOOD LUCK, ANNA.
THANK YOU.
BRENDA IS IN MACTIER.
HI, BRENDA.

The Caller says HELLO.

Maureen says HI.

The Caller says I THANK YOU FOR
TAKING MY CALL.
I HAVE A 15-YEAR-OLD
DAUGHTER THAT IS A WONDERFUL
CHILD.
SHE IS THE OLDEST OF FOUR
CHILDREN.
MY QUESTION IS THIS says SOMETIMES WHEN SHE DOESN'T
GET HER OWN WAY SHE WILL
LITERALLY TAKE OVER THE
FAMILY FOR THE ENTIRE
EVENING.
SHE WILL NOT LEAVE MY
HUSBAND OR I ALONE.
SHE'LL BANG ON DOORS IF WE
GO INTO A ROOM WITH THE
OTHER KIDS.
MY QUESTION IS HOW CAN WE
DEAL WITH HER TO HELP HER
WITH HER PERSISTENCE AND SO
THAT WE'RE NOT -- YOU KNOW
SO, SHE'S NOT TAKING OVER
THE ENTIRE FAMILY.
WE HAVE OTHER CHILDREN TO
ATTEND TO AS WELL.

Barbara says THE ONE UN-AGE.
I CALL 15 THE UN-AGE.
ENABLE TO BE AN ADULT,
ENABLE TO BE A KID AND
WANTING DESPERATELY TO BE
BOTH.
THAT'S SADMENT WE HAVE TO
LOOK AT SOME OF THE
BEHAVIOURS.
I'M GOING TO USE AN EXAMPLE
HERE THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE
WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT IN
HER HOME SCENE.
LET'S SAY SHE'S THE LIPPY
ONE, DUH, GET A LIFE, TALK
TO THE HAND, THE FACE IS NOT
LISTENING, WHATEVER, THERE
ARE THREE KINDS OF FAMILIES
AS PEOPLE WHO KNOW MY WORK
KNOW, BRICK WALL, JELLYFISH
AND BACKBONE.
A BRICK WALL PARENT SAYS
DON'T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE
THAT!
WIPE YOUR SMIRK OFF YOUR
FACE OR I'M GOING TO WIPE IT
OFF FOR YOU AND ANY TIME YOU
SEE THIS IT'S BRICK WALL.
WHEN YOU DO THIS TO A
15-YEAR-OLD YOU IMMEDIATELY
INVITE A BATTLE.
AND WHAT I SUGGEST YOU DO IS
GO...
DOES TWO THING, ONE GETS
YOUR FINGER OUT OF HER FACE
AND TWO KEEPS YOU QUIET LONG
ENOUGH TO THINK OF SOMETHING
MORE CONSTRUCTIVE.
THE JELLYFISH PARENT SAYS OH,
SHE'S JUST A DELIGHTFUL
YOUNG WOULD WHO'S TRYING TO
FIND HER OWN WAY AND IT'S
PART OF BEING A TEENAGER,
EXCUSING THE BEHAVIOUR.
A BACKBONE PARENT TAKES DEEP
BREATH.
BUT YOU BREATHE OUT BEFORE
YOU BREATHE IN.
AND THE EXPRESSION I LIKE TO
USE FOR THAT IS WHOA.
WHOA.
WHEN THAT KID IS COMING AT
US WITH SOME KIND OF
CONFLICT, TRAVELLING AROUND
THE HOUSE AND THE LIKE,
WHOA.
WHY?
WHEN YOU SAY WHOA.
YOU BREATHE OUT.
WHEN YOU BREATHE OUT, YOUR
HEARTRATE SLOWS DOWN.
WHEN YOU BREAT IN YOUR
HEARTRATE GOES UP.
SO I WANT TO CALM DOWN
MYSELF.
WHOA, KID.
THE KID NEEDS A CALM
PRESENCE OF AN ADULT THERE.
IT IS ALL RIGHT FOR YOU TO
BE UPSET WITH US.
IT DOESN'T SERVE YOU WELL TO
ROLL YOUR EYES, USE FOUR
LETTER WORDS OR BANG THE
DOORS.
MY JOB AS A CARING PARENT IS
TO TEACH YOU HOW YOU CAN
EXPRESS WHATEVER IT IS YOU
NEED TO EXPRESS WITH US,
WEATHER IT'S DISSATISFACTION,
ANGER, HURT, FRUSTRATION,
BUT DO IT IN A WAY THAT WILL
SERVE YOU WELL.
NOW YOU NOTICE I DIDN'T SAY
“DO IT IN THE RIGHT WAY.”
KIDS DON'T WANT TO HEAR
THAT.
A WAY THAT WILL SERVE HER
WELL.
AND I SAY TO A PARENT DON'T
YOU WANT HER TO BE ABLE TO
GET UPSET OR ANGRY OR
EXPRESS TRUE FEELINGS WITH A
BOYFRIEND OR A GIRLFRIEND?
WELL IT'S OUR JOB TO TEACH
HER HOW TO DO IT.
TO TELL HER DON'T DO IT
DOESN'T GIVE HER THE TOOL TO
LET HER GET AWAY WITH IT.
DOESN'T TEACH HER TO DEVELOP
A SENSE OF INNER DISCIPLINE,
SELF CONTROL.
NOW DON'T BE SURPRISED AFTER
YOU SAID “I NEED TO GIVE YOU
A WAY TO DO IT THAT WILL
SERVE YOU WELL,” DON'T BE
SURPRISED IF HE DOESN'T SAY
“OH, I KNOW.
AS A WISE AND CARING PARENT
YOU NEED TO TEACH ME TO DO
IT IN A WAY THAT'LL SERVE ME
WELL.”
BITE TONGUE.
IT'S THEIR WAY OF SAVING
FACE.
BUT WE GET SO HYSTERICAL
ABOUT HOW SHE SAID IT, WE
FORGET TO HEAR WHAT SHE
SAID.
AND PARENTING WITH WITT AND
WISDOM, PART OF IT IS WISDOM
JUST WENT OUT THE WINDOW,
ALL YOU'VE GOT LEFT IS WITT
RIGHT THERE AND YOU LOOK AT
HER AND SAY “I KNEW YOU GOT
THAT.”
AND WHAT YOU'VE DONE IS
RE-CONNECTED WITH A LAUGH.
BUT THEN LATER YOU SIT THERE
AND SAY TALK TO ME ABOUT
WHAT YOU'RE SO ANGRY ABOUT?
AND DON'T INTERRUPT IF SHE
SAYS WELL YOU ALWAYS LET MY
BROTHER!
YOU SNEFR...!
DON'T ARGUE.
YOU ARGUE WITH ANYONE OVER
TWO AND A HALF, THEIR
LANGUAGE SKILLS ARE TOO WELL
DEVELOPED, YOU'RE GOING
LOSE.
SHE'S OVER TWO AND A HALF,
SO YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE.
YOU SAY TO HER “TALK TO ME
ABOUT IT.”
AND SHE'LL SAY “YOU
ALWAYS...” AND THEN AS SHE'S
ABLE TO EXPRESS IT TO YOU,
THEN YOU CAN SAY WHAT CAN WE
DO TO MAKE THIS BETTER?
INSTEAD OF HUDDLING US ALL
IN A ROOM TO AVOID THIS
PERSON OUT HERE, I WANT TO
TEACH HER HOW SHE CAN GET
HER NEEDS MET IN COMMUNITY.
AND A WAY THAT WILL SERVE
HER WELL.
BUT IT'S TEACHING.

Maureen says SO YOU DIDN'T
AUTOMATICALLY JUMP TO SAY
THE PARENT IN THIS CASE,
WHATEVER YOU'VE DENIED HER,
IS SOMETHING SHOULD BE
DENIED.
MAYBE THAT'S NOT -- MAYBE WE
HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE
KIDS --

Barbara says THAT'S NOT THE ISSUE, USUALLY.
NOT IF SHE'S STORMING
AROUND.
AND THEN WHEN YOU SAY TO HER
IT'S OKAY TO BE UPSET WITH
ME TO BE ANGRY OR FRUSTRATED
IT DOESN'T SERVE YOU WELL TO
DO THIS, LET'S LOOK AT
ANOTHER WAY YOU CAN EXPRESS
IT, SO TALK TO ME, HON.
WHAT WE TEND TO SO WE'RE THE
TALKERS.

Maureen says SO EVEN THOUGH
YOU HAVE OTHER KIDS TO
ATTEND TO FOR THE NEXT TIME
IT HAPPENS UNTIL YOU CAN GET
HER TO FIND A BETTER WAY TO
EXPRESS IT, YOU ARE GOING TO
HAVE TO DEVOTE SOME
ATTENTION TO HER.

Barbara says IF YOU DON'T, YOU'RE
SPENDING THE WHOLE NIGHT
WITH HER CAPTURING ALL OF
YOU.
YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO LOOK
AT THAT.
AND I REALLY THINK IT'S VERY
IMPORTANT FOR 15 YEAR OLDS
TO HAVE TIME ALONE WITH ONE
PARENT TO EVEN SAY WHOA,
LET'S CALL A TIME-OUT HERE,
AND THE REST OF THE KIDS AND
DAD, OR THE REST AND THE
KIDS AND MOM ARE HERE, LET'S
GO FOR A WALK.

Maureen says YEAH.

Barbara says AND
DEAL WITH THIS ISSUE.

Maureen says OKAY, GOOD LUCK,
BRENDA.
I'VE GOT A 14-YEAR-OLD
DAUGHTER --

Barbara says YOU'RE
VERY CLOSE.

Maureen says I'M WITH 'YA.
SUSAN IN CALEDON SAYS “MY
TWO AND A HALF-YEAR-OLD
DAUGHTER IS DISPLAYING SOME
NEW BEHAVIOURS I SUSPECT ARE
RELATED AND I'D LIKE YOUR
OPINION ON.
SHE'S EASILY FRUSTRATED
OCCASIONALLY STUTTERS IS
AGGRESSIVE WITH PEERS AND
WILL TALK BACK.
ARE THESE TYPICAL
TWO-YEAR-OLD BEHAVIOURS OR
COULD THEY BE
STRESS-RELATED.
COULD OUR NEW SIX MONTH OLD
SON STILL BE THE CAUSE?
AND HOW SHOULD WE REACT TO THEM?”

Barbara laughs and says STILL BE THE CAUSE?
BEFORE HE WAS SIX MONTHS HE
WAS JUST THIS BLOB THAT WAS
THERE.
THE KID HAS STRESS.
TWO-YEAR-OLD IS THE FIRST
STAGE OF REBELLION.
TWO, FIVE AND PUBERTY.
BUT A TWO-YEAR-OLD IS A VERY
IMPORTANT TIME IN A CHILD'S
LIFE.
THAT'S WHERE THEY'RE SAYING
“I CAN BE ME!”
AND THEY'RE LEARNING A
LANGUAGE, SPEECH IS COMING
MUCH MORE QUICKLY, SO THE
STUTTERING OFTEN IS THEY'RE
FRUSTRATED, THEY CAN'T
ALWAYS GET THE WORDS OUT.
I DON'T WORRY UNLESS IT'S A
MARKED STUTTERING.
AGAIN IT'S THE EXTREME, WE
ALL STUTTER SOMETIMES.
YOU AND ME BOTH.
SO I DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT
TOO MUCH.
AND WHAT I WANT TO DO IS
SLOW HER DOWN.
I SAY WHOA, SLOW IT DOWN,
SLOW IT DOWN, TAKE YOUR TIME,
TELL MOMMY WHAT YOU NEED.
THE WHOA AGAIN SLOWS ME DOWN,
SLOWS HER DOWN.
BUT I ALSO WILL TUNE INTO
THE FACT THAT SHE'S
BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND THAT
ONE'S NOT GOING BACK WHERE
IT CAME FROM.
IT'S KIND OF A PERMANENT
PRESENCE.
AND YOU SAY WELL, I SHOULD
HAVE FIGURED THAT OUT A FEW
MONTHS, BUT SHE'S
INTELLECTUALLY ABLE AT TWO
MORE THAN SHE WAS SIX MONTHS
AGO AS A YOUNG CHILD.
AND AT WHAT, 18 MONTHS?
NOW SHE'S FIGURING OUT HER
WORLD AND THIS THING'S STILL
IN THIS WORLD, AND SO THERE
IS A STRESS IN HER LIFE.
AND I WOULD BET MOM IS SLEEP
DEPRIVED WITH.
A TWO-YEAR-OLD AND AN
INFANT.
AND WE SOMETIMES NEED TO
TAKE A BREAK AND REST
OURSELVES, PULL APART FOR A
WHILE.
SO WHEN THE BABY'S SLEEPING
JUST SAY TO THE TWO-YEAR-OLD
COME CUDDLE WITH ME AND
WE'LL ALL REST FOR A WHILE.
OR I'LL READ YOU A STORY AND
GIVES THAT TWO-YEAR-OLD SOME
VERY ALONE TIME.

Maureen says IN THE MOMENT,
AND IT'S THE GETTING
AGGRESSIVE WITH HER
PEERING --

Barbara says THAT'S ANOTHER ISSUE.

Maureen says YEAH, IN THE
MOMENT, WHAT DO YOU DO.

Barbara says AGAIN
IT'S THE SAME AS WITH THAT
15-YEAR-OLD.
WHOA, IT'S ALL RIGHT TO BE
UPSET, IT'S NOT ALL RIGHT TO
HIT.
YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN AND
YOU JUST GIVE THEM AN
OPPORTUNITY TO CALM DOWN.
AND I SAY YOU WANT TO COME
DOWN IN YOUR ROOM, YOUR
ROCKER OR ON MY LAP.
YOU NOTICE I DIDN'T SAY GO
TO YOUR ROOM.
ONE, TWO, TWO AND A HALF,
TWO AND THREE QUARTERS...
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DEFY MY
AUTHORITY, YOU GET TO YOUR
ROOM.
SO OFTEN WE USE TIME-OUT FOR
LITTLE ONES LIKE THAT AND
THEN THEY WON'T GO AND
THEY'RE FRUSTRATED UP AND
SET, OR ELSE WE PLAY
DOORKNOB TUG, WE GET THEM
DOWN THERE AND PLAY OR WE
SAY OH, HE'S CALMED DOWN,
NOW HE'S THROWING TOYS OUT
THE WINDOW.
DO I BELIEVE IN TIME-OUT FOR
A YOUNG CHILD?
YES, BUT IT'S DIFFERENT THAN
MAKING SOMEONE GO SOMEPLACE.
DO YOU WANT TO TAKE TIME OUT
IN YOUR ROOM, ROCKER OR ON
MY LAP?
MY PRESENCE IS NOT A PRESENT
TO CHILDREN IF THEY'RE
WELL-BAIVED.
SOMETIMES WHEN A VERY OUT OF
CONTROL CHILD NEEDS AT TWO
OR 15 IS A VERY IN CONTROL,
CALMED PARENT.
VERY OF WHEN A TWO-YEAR-OLD
STRIKES OUT THEY'RE STUNNED
BY IT.
THEY GO AND THEY'VE DONE IT
AND I WANT THEM TO CALM DOWN
BUT THE THING ABOUT TIME-OUT
PROGRAMMES FOR LITTLE ONES
IS WE SAY OKAY, YOU'RE TWO
YEARS OLD, YOU SIT FOR TWO
MINUTES.
I DON'T KNOW HOW OLD YOU ARE,
BUT I'M 53, THAT MEANS I GET
53 MINUTES.
DOESN'T MAKE A LOTS OF SENSE
AND THEN YOU HAVE TO SAY
YOU'RE SORRY AND THAT'S IT.
I HAD A MOTHER SAY TO ME OH,
THIS TIME-OUT PROGRAMME I
HAVE MY SON WORKS ON WORKS
GOOD.
HE HITS HIS LITTLE SISTER
NOW, HE GOES AND SITS, I
DON'T EVEN HAVE TO TELL HIM.
AND I SAY WHO'S CONNING WHO?
AND I SAY NO, ONCE THEY'VE
CALMED DOWN HOWEVER LONG IT
TAKES THEM THEY HAVE TO DO
THREE THINGS.
FIX WHAT YOU DID, FIGURE OUT
HOW YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP IT
FROM HAPPENING AGAIN AND FOR
A TWO-YEAR-OLD YOU'RE GOING
TO HAVE TO HELP HIM OUT.
LET'S LOOK AT ANOTHER WAY.
CAN YOU SAY TO YOUR LITTLE
BROTHER I'M FRUSTRATED OR
WALK AWAY FROM HIM?
YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE HIM
ANOTHER TOOL TO DO BESIDES
MMM!
AND THE THIRD IS TO HEAL
WITH THE PERSON THEY'VE
HARMED AND THIS TWO AND A
HALF THREE-YEAR-OLD CAN
BEGIN DOING, AND THAT IS YOU
KNOW WHAT?
YOUR LITTLE FRIEND DIDN'T
GET OFF TO SUCH A GREAT
START TODAY BEING BOPPED.
WHAT CAN YOU COULD DO TO
HELP HIM HAVE A BETTER DAY?
I WANT TO SHARE MY COOKIE OR
I WANT TO SHARE MY TOY.
SO OF WHEN WE PUNISH
CHILDREN, THEY NEVER HAVE A
WAY TO COME BACK AND HEAL
AND FEEL GOOD.
WHY DO WE HAVE HIM HEEL WITH
THE OTHER PERSON?
TWO THINGS.
ONE SO THE OTHER CHILD
THEY'VE HIT KNOWS THAT
THEY'RE NOT A BAD KID AND
TWO SO THE LITTLE ONE WHO
HAS HIT KNOWS SHE'S NOT A
BAD KID.

Maureen says YEAH, TO MAKE
THEM BOTH FEEL BETTER.

Barbara says SO WE
CAN HEAL, SO THEY CAN GO
BACK AND FIGHT AGAIN,
BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU,
THEY FIGHT.
BUT GOING THROUGH THAT
PROCESS INSTEAD OF SAYING
SIT AND SAY I'M SORRY.
YOU SEE, SEE STUTTERING?
THAT KIND OF I'M SORRY
YOU'LL GET I'M SORRY, SAID I
WAS SORRY, SAID I WAS SORRY.

Maureen says YOU DIDN'T MEAN IT.

Barbara says YEAH, IT'S A PROCESS THAT
WE WANT TO TAKE THEM
THROUGH.
I CALL IT TIME OUT AND THE
TEDDY BEAR IN THE NEW BOOK,
WHERE YOU REALLY MAKE IT
SOMETHING THAT THEY LEARN
THAT'S A HEALTHY THING FOR
ALL OF US TO DO.

Maureen says ALL RIGHT,
SHERRY IS IN BURLINGTON.
HELLO, SHERRY.

The Caller says HI.

Maureen says HI AND WHAT'S
YOUR QUESTION FOR BARBARA?

The Caller says I HAVE A
SEVEN-YEAR-OLD AND SHE'S
ACTUALLY VERY SENSITIVE,
WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL PERSON.
THE ONE PROBLEM THAT WE DO
HAVE THAT SEEMS TO OCCUR, IT
COMES IN LIKE A HURRICANE
AND BACK OUT AGAIN, WE NEVER
KNOW WHEN'S GOING TO HAPPEN
BUT SHE COMES UP WITH THINGS
LIKE -- SHE'S VERY MOODY AND
SEEM SAY, YOU KNOW, THE KIDS
AT SCHOOL DON'T LIKE ME, THE
NEXT MINUTE SHE'S TALKING
ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY LIKE
HER.
I WANT IT BUT I DON'T WANT
IT.
YOU KNOW, SHE NEEDS
SOMETHING, SHE'LL SAY I WANT
ONE, BUT YOU'RE TOO BUSY.
AND MEANWHILE I'M STANDING
RIGHT BESIDE HER.
OTHER THINGS WE GET ARE, YOU
KNOW, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME
BREAKFAST?
NO, I DON'T WANT ANY, OKAY
FINE, AND THEN WHEN WE'RE
ALL FINISHED EATING “WELL I
WANT BREAKFAST BUT NOBODY'S
GOING TO MAKE ME ANY!”
SO WE HAVE A LOT OF THAT
GOING ON AND IT JUST SEEMS
LIKE THERE'S A LOT OF
CHALLENGES WITH HOW TO
OVERCOME THESE PROBLEMS.
SO I DON'T KNOW IF -- YOU
KNOW, ANYTHING THAT COULD BE
HELPFUL.

Barbara says FIRST
THING I AS A SCHOOL TEACHER
WOULD WANT TO LOOK AT IS IN
SCHOOL WHAT KIND OF
PRESSURES IS SHE GETTING?
IS SHE FEELING LIKE SHE'S
NOT ABLE TO BE COMPETENT?
OFTEN THE BRIBES AND THREATS
AND REWARDS AND PUNISHMENT
PROGRAMMES THAT WE HAVE AT
SCHOOL AND AT HOME INVITE
THOSE KIND OF COMMENTS SHE'S
MAKING.
THAT IF I CAN'T BE YOUR BEST
THEN I'M GOING MAKE EVERYONE
MISERABLE.
I'LL BE YOUR BEST WORST.
AND WHEN A KID SAYS
SOMETHING TO ME LIKE, “YOU
OBVIOUSLY DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR ME TO DO IT” I'LL SAY
TALK TO ME ABOUT IT.
TALK TO ME ABOUT IT.
AND INVITE THEM TO --
INSTEAD OF THE BLANKET
STATEMENT WHERE SHE WANTS A
RESPONSE FROM ME.
“WELL NOBODY'S GOING TO MAKE
BREAKFAST FOR ME” I'LL SAY
“WELL TALK TO ME ABOUT
THAT.”
“WELL YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
MAKE BREAKFAST.”
“KEEP TALKING, KID.”
AND PRETTY SOON SHE REALIZES
SHE'S TALKING HERSELF IN A
HOLE, THAT WHAT SHE REALLY
WANTED WAS MY RESPONSE.
I AM TOO, HERE.
NO YOU'RE NOT.
I AM TOO.
NO YOU'RE NOT.
TALK TO ME, TALK TO ME.

Maureen says SO SHE WANTS YOU
TO SAY BUT I ASKED YOU IF
YOU WANTED BREAKFAST, WE'RE
ALL DONE EATING NOW --

Barbara says AND THEN SHE SAYS SEE, I
TOLD YOU --

Maureen says IS IT A
REAFFIRMATION -- IS SHE A
VICTIM?

Barbara says YES,
IF I CAN'T BE YOUR BEST,
I'LL BE YOUR BEST WORST AND
LOOK HOW AWFUL IT IS.
I ALSO DON'T AND HER THING,
I TELL HER WHAT I NEED.
INSTEAD OF DO YOU WANT BREAK
FAST OR NOT.
I SAY BREAKFAST IS ON.
IF YOU'D LIKE IT, FINE, IF
YOU DON'T -- INSTEAD OF
WOULD YOU LIKE BREAKFAST.
BECAUSE SHE SAYS NO, AND
LATER SHE SAYS YES.
DO I I SAY BREAKFAST IS ON.
AND SHE SAYS I DON'T WANT
ANY.
AUTO AND I'LL SAY WELL
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
LISTEN TO YOUR OWN BODY AND
SHE'S GOING LISTEN TO MY OWN
BODY, DARN.

Maureen says BUT MOMMY NOW I'M HUNGRY.

Barbara says OH, GOOD!
YOU'RE LISTENING TO YOUR ODDY!
AND IF IT'S HUNGRY, YOU MAKE
SURE YOU GET THAT NEED MET.
FOOD'S HERE IF YOU'D LIKE
IT.
AND SHE'S GOING BOY, THAT
ONE DIDN'T WORK.
AND PRETTY SOON SHE REALIZES
THESE UNHEALTHY GAMES THAT
SHE'S LOCKED HERSELF INTO
ARE FLAT SERVING HER WELL.
AND THEN IN A MOMENT OF CALM
I WOULD SAY TO HER, “TALK TO
ME ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN
SCHOOL.”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MOMMY?”
WELL YOU MADE THAT
COMMENT YESTERDAY THAT YOU
DIDN'T THINK KIDS LIKED YOU,
AND THEN YOU MADE THE OTHER
COMMENT THAT A LOT OF KIDS
ON THE PLAYGROUND WERE
HAVING FUN WITH YOU, AND
I'LL BET BOTH OF THOSE ARE
TRUE.
DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME
ABOUT ONE OF THOSE?
AND SHE SAYS “WELL,...” AND
THEN HER MOOD'S THERE.
IT'S EITHER THE GOOD OR THE
NOT SO GOOD THERE.
BUT IT'S A MATTER OF BEING
OPEN TO IT INSTEAD OF SAYING
NOW LOOK, YOU TOLD ME
YESTERDAY THAT KIDS DIDN'T
PLAY WITH YOU AND NOW YOU'RE
SAYING THAT THEY DO.
WHICH IS IT?

Maureen says RIGHT.

Barbara says AND SHE'S SAYING SEE, I'M
BAD AGAIN, I'M BAD AGAIN.
AND I WANT TO SAY YOU KNOW,
I HEARD ABOUT THOSE.
BOTH OF THOSE.
I HEARD BOTH OF THOSE.
KIDS NEED SIX CRITICAL LIFE
MESSAGES EVERYDAY.
I BELIEVE IN YOU.
I TRUST IN YOU.
I KNOW YOU CAN HANDLE THIS.
YOU'RE LISTENED TO, CARED
FOR, VERY IMPORTANT TO ME.
THEY DON'T NEED A LOT OF
PRAISE.
AND I WOULD SUSPECT THIS KID
HAS BECOME A BIT
PRAISE-DEPENDENT, WHETHER
IT'S AT HOME OR SCHOOL.
TEACHER DID YOU NOTICE,
TEACHER DID YOU SEE, TEACHER
I HUGGED HIM AFTER I HIT HIM,
DOESN'T THAT COUNT?
AND THEN THE VICTIM, PLAYING
A VICTIM ROLE.
WHENEVER I SEE KIDS PLAYING
A VICTIM ROLE I REALLY WANT
TO TALK TO THEM ABOUT, YOU
KNOW WHAT?
YOU HAVE POWER IN YOUR YOUR
LIFE AND THE CHOICE IS
YOURS.
IT'S REALLY YOUR CHOICE TO
GIVE UP THE POWER TO
SOMEBODY ELSE OR TO TAKE IT
YOURSELF.

Maureen says THAT'S
INTERESTING WHAT YOU SAID
ABOUT KIDS DON'T REALLY NEED
A LOT OF PRAISE.

Barbara says NOT AT ALL.
I DON'T PRAISE THEM AT ALL.

Maureen says REALLY?
WHAT IF THEY BRING HOME A
TEST AND IT'S A GOOD TEST
AND THEY'VE BEEN STRUGGLING
WITH MATH AND NOW THEY GET A
GOOD MARK.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?

Barbara says WHEN A
KID COMES HOME WITH ANYTHING,
HOW YOU BEHAVE WILL GIVE
THEM A CLUE IF THEY CAN COME
HOME AND TELL YOU THEY MADE
A MISTAKE.
AND DON'T YOU WANT THEM TO
TELL YOU ABOUT THE LOUSY
TESTS THEY HAD?
AND THE LOUSY TESTS?
AND THE DATE THEY HAD?
OR THAT THEY WRECKED THE
FAMILY CAR?
OR THAT THEY'RE IN SERIOUS
TROUBLE?
YOUR CHILD COMES HOME WITH
AN A PLUS, YOU SAY I'M SO
PROUD OF YOU, YOU TAKE AFTER
MY SIDE OF THE FAMILY, WE'RE
GOING TO PUT THIS ON THE
refrigerator FOR THE OTHER
SIDE OF THE FAMILY TO LOOK
LIKE.
YOU DO THAT VERY OFTEN, GO
TO BACK TO SCHOOL NIGHT,
PROMISE YOU, YOU'LL PICK UP
YOUR CHILD'S DESK AND FIND
EVERY PAPER IN THERE THAT'S
NOT AN A PLUS BECAUSE THEY
CAN'T BRING IT HOME.
WHAT DO I SAY THEN?
ALL I SAID TO MY CHILDREN
WHEN THEY CAME HOME WITH
ANYTHING, “TALK IT ME ABOUT
IT.”
YOUR CHILD COMES HOME WITH
AN A PLUS I SAY TALK TO ME
ABOUT IT.
ONE OF THE KIDS MIGHT GO
LOOK, I GOT ALL THE WORDS
RIGHT, I SPELLED FEBRUARY
WRONG, AND THE R'S IN A
FUNNY PLACE.
YOU GET EXCITED ABOUT YOUR
CHILD'S EXCITEMENT BUT YOU
SAY TO THE OTHER ONE ABOUT
IT, TALK TO ME ABOUT IT AND
THE OTHER ONE SAYS WHAT?
SPELLING'S EASY.
IT'S A GOOD THING YOU DON'T
GET EXCITED BECAUSE IT'S NOT
DIFFICULT FOR HIM.
BUT THAT SAME KID HAS FINE
MOTOR PROBLEMS AND JUST PUT
TOGETHER A PAPER MACHE
DINOSAUR HE'S SO PROUD OF
BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN YET
IDENTIFY.
YOU SAY TALK TO ME ABOUT IT
AND SAYS THIS IS A TEAR DAKT
TELL AND I GOT A
TYRANNOSAURUS OVER HERE AND
A BRONTOSAURUS, AND DID YOU
KNOW, MOM, THAT SOMEBODY
TRIED TO FALSIFY A FOSSIL IN
CHINA --
AND YOU THINK “I DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW MY KID HAD AN INTEREST
IN THAT AREA.”
THINK OF WHAT WOULD HAVE
STOPPED IF YOU'D HAVE SAID
“OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL PAPER
MACHE WHATEVER.”
IF YOU SAY “TALK TO ME ABOUT
IT” YOU ALSO FIND OUT WHERE
YOUR KID IS COMING FROM.
MY OLDEST CAME HOME WITH HER
FIRST C ON HER REPORT CARD
HER SENIOR YEAR.
MY SON SAID “I TOOK CARE OF
THAT IN FIRST GRADE, IT'S
NOT AN ISSUE.”
HE'S AN ARTIST, DOESN'T
CARE.
BUT SHE OPENED HER REPORT
CARD, THERE'S ALL THESE As
AND A C.
I'M GLAD I DIDN'T OPEN MY
MOUTH.
I'D HAVE MISSED IT.
GRADE POINT, GETTING INTO
UNIVERSITY, NO.
SHE STARTS LEAPING AROUND
THE KITCHEN, SAYS YES!
I PASSED ADVANCED TRIG!
SHE'S CALLING HER FRIENDS “I
PASSED IT!”
THAT'S WHAT WAS EXCITING TO
HER.
I'D HAVE MISSED THAT ONE.
MEANWHILE HER SISTER OPENS
HER REPORT CARD AND SAYS
DARN!
IF I'D HAVE DONE THIS AND
THIS AND THIS I COULD HAVE
HAD AN A IN JOURNALISM.
SHE'S A B.
SHE IS TRULY DISAPPOINTED.
HER SISTER HAS A C, SHE'S
LEAPING AROUND THE KITCHEN,
THEIR BROTHER SAID “I'LL
OPEN MINE TONIGHT.
IT'S NOT THAT EXCITING.”
BUT OLDEST ONE COULD THEN
COME HOME ONE DAY AS SHE DID
AND SAY GEE, WE HAVE A
TERRIBLY HIGH INSURANCE
DEDUCTIBLE ON THE CAR.
TO WHICH I COULD SAW “TALK
TO ME ABOUT IT.”
WHAT'S HAPPENED?
YOU SEE, IF WE ABUNDANTLY
PRAISE THEM FOR THE GOOD
STUFF, THEN THEY'RE SO
AFRAID TO --

Maureen says TO TELL US ABOUT
THE OTHER STUFF.

Barbara says CAN
YOU EVER PRAISE?
NOT THE KID, THE DEED.
I USE THREE Cs.
YOU CAN GIVE KIDS
COMPLIMENTS, COMMENTS, AND
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM,
THAT'S WHAT THEY NEED.
THEY NEED A COMPLIMENT.
THE BEST COMPLIMENT YOU CAN
GIVE A TWO-YEAR-OLD, A
FIVE-YEAR-OLD, A
12-YEAR-OLD, A 15 YEAR OLD
IS THANK YOU.
THANK YOU FOR SETTING THE
TABLE.
THANK YOU IN SCHOOL FOR
RAISING YOUR HAND AND
WAITING FOR SOMEBODY ELSE.
THANK YOU FOR BRINGING YOUR
BABY BROTHER'S DIB PER TO ME,
INSTEAD OF “OH, YOU'RE SUCH
A GOOD BIG SISTER.”
AND THEY WERE JUST TRYING TO
FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET THAT
ONE BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM.
YOU STROKE THE DEED, NOT THE
KID.

Maureen says OKAY,
INTERESTING.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL THESE THINGS.
WHERE WERE YOU THIS WEEKEND,
BARBARA IN MY HOUSE.
MARY IS IN KITCHENER.
HI MARY.

The Caller says HI.

Maureen says HI.

The Caller says I HAVE A
QUESTION.
MY SON -- WE HAVE A SIX
MONTH OLD BABY, AND SINCE
SHE WAS BORN A COUPLE MONTHS
AGO MY EIGHT MONTH OLD SON
HAS STARTED FIBBING.

Barbara says HOW OLD?

The Caller says HE TELLS WHITE
LIES, THAT HE KNOWS THEY ARE
NOT REALLY TRUE, AND WE'VE
CAUGHT HIM AT IT EVERY TIME.
WE ASKED HIM TO WRITE US A
NOTE WHY HE'S DOING THIS OR
GIVING HIM CONSEQUENCES, OR
UNFORTUNATELY PUNISHMENTS,
BUT NOTHING HAS WORKED SO
FAR, AND YOU'RE AFRAID THAT
IT'S GETTING HARDER AND
HARDER TO MANAGE THIS.

Maureen says AND HOW OLD IS THIS?

The Caller says EIGHT.

Barbara says OH
EIGHT YEARS OLD.
FIRST OF ALL WE HAVE TO LOOK
AT THE QUESTIONS WE AND HIM.
KID HAS COOKIE ON HIS FACE
AND WE SAY “DID YOU EAT THAT COOKIE?”
DUMB QUESTION.
INSTEAD YOU SAY TO HIM.
“THAT'S YOUR SUPPER COOKIE.
AND WHEN THE COOKIES ARE
BEING HANDED OUT AND THE
SISTER SAYS HOW COME HE
DIDN'T GET A COOKIE?
HE KNOWS WHY?
AND HE'S ALREADY HAD HIS
SUPPER COOKIE.
SO YOU DIDN'T INVITE HIM TO
LIE.
SO OFTEN WE INVITE KIDS TO
LIE.
IF YOU KNOW YOUR KID HAS
DONE SOMETHING, DON'T SAY TO
HIM “DID YOU DO THAT?”
YOU ALREADY FOE IT.
BE UP FRONT WITH HIM.
AND YOU SAY “YOU LEFT YOUR
BIKE BEHIND THE CAR AND IT'S
NOW GOING TO BE LOCKED UP
FOR THE WEEK.”
OR “YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING
OVER TO JAMIE'S HOUSE AND
YOU WENT TO JIMMY'S.
I NEED SOME TIME TO THINK
ABOUT WHAT MAKES SENSE,
WHILE YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT
WHAT YOU DID AND WHY YOU DID
IT.
AND THEN LET'S GET BACK
TOGETHER IN ABOUT TEN
MINUTES.
AND THEN HE'S GOING SHE
ALREADY KNOWS, SO I DON'T
HAVE TO SAY... “DID YOU HAVE
A GOOD TIME AT JAMIE'S
HOUSE?”

Maureen says SO YOU'RE TRYING
TO TRICK THEM INTO A LIE
AGAIN.

Barbara says I
DON'T WANT IT TRICK HIM.
EXACTLY.
I WANT TO SAY TO HIM THIS IS
WHAT HAPPENED.
NOW LET'S LOOK AT THE
CONSEQUENCES.
KIDS COULD NEED TO KNOW
THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES BUT
BIGGEST ISSUE HERE IS THAT
HE'S VIOLATED TRUST.
AND SO WHETHER HE'S EIGHT OR
16.
LET'S SAY 16-YEAR-OLD JOHNNY
GOES OVER TO SUZIE'S HOUSE
INSTEAD OF JAMIE'S HOUSE,
AND I SAY TO HIM, “YOU WERE
AT SUZIE'S HOUSE, YOU SAID
YOU WERE GOING TO JAMIE'S.
I AM SO UPSET RIGHT NOW THAT
I DON'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING
THAT I MAY HAVE TO REGRET,
SO I NEED SOME TIME OUT
MYSELF.
MEANWHILE YOU TAKE SOME TIME
OUT.
AT FIVE O'CLOCK THIS EVENING
WE'LL TALK HOW YOU CAN
REBUILD THE TRUST THAT YOU
VIOLATED.”
SO IT PUT IT BACK ON THE
KID.
REMEMBER, CONSEQUENCES NEED
TO BE MORE WORK FOR THE KID
THAN THEY ARE FOR YOU.
AND I SAY TO THAT
16-YEAR-OLD OR THE EIGHT
EIGHT-YEAR-OLD, WHAT CAN YOU
DO TO BUILD THE TRUST BACK
UP AGAIN?
THE 16-YEAR-OLD MIGHT SAY,
“WELL, YOU CAN CHECK UP ON
ME FOR A MONTH.”
I'LL SAY “WELL, DO YOU THINK
THAT MAKES SENSE?
I'D BE HAPPY TO DO IT IF YOU
THINK AT THE END OF THAT
MONTH YOU AND I CAN TRUST
ONE ANOTHER AGAIN, I'M
WILLING TO DO THAT.”
SO IT PUTS THE ONUS BACK ON
THE KID.
WITH THE EIGHT YEAR OLD AS
WELL.
HE'S BEEN USURPED BY THE WAY
WITH A BABY, DISPOORX THAT'S
A LOSS IN HIS LIFE.
AND WE HAVE TO HONOUR THAT
LOSS.
IT DOES NOT EXCUSE HIS
BEHAVIOUR, BUT WE MAY NEED
TO SIT WITH HIM A BIT AND
SAY TO HIM, “YOU KNOW, I'LL
BET IT FEELS STRANGE NOW,
WITH THE SECOND PERSON, AND
THE AMOUNT OF TIME THIS BABY
TAKES AWAY FROM WHAT USED TO
BE JUST OUR TIME.”

Maureen says DO YOU THINK
THIS KIND OF -- I'VE HEARD
PEOPLE SAY MY KID IS A
CHRONIC LIAR.
DO YOU THINK THAT THERE ARE
KIDS WHO JUST WILL LIE THEIR
WHOLE LIVES?
OR IS IT A BEHAVIOUR THAT
CAN BE “CORRECTED.”

Barbara says OH, EXACTLY.
I DON'T GIVE UP.
YOU'RE KICKING AND BREATHING,
THEN IT'S NOT TOO LATE.
HOWEVER WE HAVE TO LOOK
AT -- IF WE LABEL OUR KID A
CHRONIC LIAR, WE HAVE TO
LOOK AT THE SITUATION, ONE
ARE WE ASKING DUMB
QUESTIONS?
ACCUSATORY QUESTIONS?
OR TWO, IS HE AFRAID OF
BEING PUNISHED?
NOW IF IT'S DISCIPLINE, LIKE
I JUST MENTIONED WITH THE
16-YEAR-OLD OR THE
EIGHT-YEAR-OLD, WHEN THEY
HAVE TO COME UP WITH HOW WE
CAN BUILD THAT TRUST BACK,
THEY ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE
ABLE TO SHARE SOMETHING WITH
US, BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT
AFRAID OF BEING PUNISHED.
IF THEY'RE AFRAID, THEY'RE
GOING TO HAVE EVERYTHING IN
THEIR WORLD TAKEN AWAY FROM
THEM, THEY'RE GOING TO BE
PADDLED OR GROUNDED FOR THE
NEXT SIX YEARS, THEY'RE
GOING TO LIE.
SO WE INVITE IT.

Maureen says OKAY.
THANKS VERY MUCH.
FOR YOUR CALL, MARY.
WE'RE WITH BARBARA COLOROSSO
THIS AFTERNOON ON “MORE TO
LIFE.”
SHE'S THE AUTHOR OF THE
BEST-SELLING KIDS ARE WORTH
IT AND NOW “PARENTING
THROUGH CRISIS,” AND THIS
JUST OUT IN PAPERBACK.
IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT
PARENTING FOR BARBARA, GIVE
US A CALL.

The phone numbers and email reappear briefly.

Maureen says AND ANNE IN
KITCHENER SAYS “MY DAUGHTER
IS HARDER ON HERSELF THAN I
COULD EVER BE.
SHE WORKS HERSELF TO THE
POINT OF EXHAUSTION, ASKS
FOR HOMEWORK HELP FROM ME
AND ENDS UP SCREAMING THAT
MY ANSWERS ARE STUPID OR
WORSE.
HOW DO I END UP DEALING WITH
THIS TYPE-A CHILD?
MOST OF THE TIME SHE'S
LOVING AND REASONABLE.
IS IT HER AGE THAT'S THE
PROBLEM?
SHE IS 13 GOING ON 35.
HELP!”

They both chuckle.

Barbara says THAT'S PART OF IT.
HER HORMONES ARE RAGING, AND
THE STRANGE THING IN LIFE IS
OURS MAY BE, TOO, WHEN OUR
KIDS ARE 13 WE OURSELVES MAY
BE GOING THROUGH SOME MAJOR
CHANGES.
WE TEND TO BE A LITTLE LESS
PATIENT AT THAT POINT AND
WHAT I WOULD INVITE AGAIN IS
THE WHOA, THE CALMING DOWN
OURSELVES.
AND THEN OFFERING -- WHEN
SHE'S DOING HER HOMEWORK TO
SIT THERE AND PAY BILLS AND
WRITE LETTERS AND NOT BE
WRITE THERE, INTERACT WITH
HER HOMEWORK UNLESS SHE ASKS
FOR IT.
AND IF SHE ASKS FOR IT I'D
SAY “WELL YOU KNOW, I COULD
THINK OF SEVERAL.
I DON'T LIKE TO GIVE A
SOLUTION MOST OF THE TIME.
IT INVITES HER DAUGHTER'S
KIND OF RESPONSE, OR IT
TEACHES THE KID WHAT TO
THINK, NOT HOW TO THINK.
I LIKE TO OFFER OPTIONS
INSTEAD.
THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS, YES.
A KID BREAKS A PENCIL IN THE
MIDDLE OF A TIMED EXAM AS A
TEACHER I HAND HIM A PENCIL.
I DON'T SAY “HOW DO YOU
THINK YOU COULD SOLVE THAT?”
THERE IS A TIME FOR A
SOLUTION.
BUT ONCE THIS A WHILE I'LL
GIVE THAT.
THE REST OF THE TIME I GIVE
OPTIONS.
SO I SAY “WELL, I CAN THINK
OF ABOUT FOUR WAYS THAT I
MIGHT SOLVE THAT NOT THAT
YOU COULD SOLVE IT.”
AGAIN IT'S BACK TO THE YOU.
THAT I WOULD SOLVE THAT AND
I FRAME IT IN A WAY THAT
WOULD INVITE DRAWING OUT
MORE FROM HER.
BECAUSE ONCE YOU SAY “OH,
THIS IS HOW I WOULD DO IT.”
OH, A 13-YEAR-OLD'S RIGHT
THERE, READY TO SAY NO.
AND WE TEND TO SAY “WELL YOU
ASKED ME FOR HELP AND AND
NOW LOOK!”
AND WE'RE BOTH ENGAGED AT
THIS POINT.
AND IF SHE STARTS SAYING
“LOOK, LOOK, YOU'RE GIVING
ME STUPID ANSWER, I SAY WHOA,
TIME OUT.
KIDS NEED TO KNOW THERE'S
THREE THINGS YOU HAVE A
RIGHT TO AND SO DO I.
YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO CALL
TIME-OUT.
THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO
REFUSE TO BE TREATED, TO BE
ABUSED, AND YOU HAVE THE
RIGHT TOIN CYST ON FAIR
TREATMENT.
SO YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO
REFUSE TO TAKE ABUSE AND TO
BE TREATED FAIRLY AND TO
TAKE TIME-OUT.
SO I SAY WHOA, WHOA TIME-OUT,
TIME-OUT, I'M GOING TO GO
TAKE A QUICK TRIP OVER TO
THE COFFEE OR WHATEVER AND
THEN I'LL COME BACK AND IF
YOU'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT A
DIFFERENT ANSWER, I'M GAME.
I'M JUST -- I JUST DON'T
WANT ANY ABUSE.

Maureen says IT'S FUNNY, A
LOT OF PARENTS WHO HAVE KIDS
WHO KIND OF JUST STROLL
THROUGH LIFE, THEY DON'T
REALLY CARE WHAT MARSHES
THEY GET, WE'D KILL FOR A
KID WITH A TYPE-A
PERSONALITY WHO JUST DRIVES
HERSELF HARDER AND HARDER
BUT I CAN SEE WHERE THAT
WOULD BE A DIFFICULT CHILD
TO HAVE AROUND, 24-7.

Barbara says QUITE
FRANKLY I WORRY MORE ABOUT
THE KIDS WHO ARE SO NEEDING
TO PLEASE AND GET IT RIGHT.
BECAUSE THEN WHEN THEY MAKE
MISTAKES THEY DON'T HANDLE
IT WELL IN LIFE.
I WANT KIDS TO UNDERSTAND
MISTAKES ARE FOR LEARNING
AND FOR FIXING, AND FOR
TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITY
FOR.
AND IF SHE HAS TO HAVE IT
RIGHT ALL THE TIME, TO THE
POINT WHERE SHE'LL EVEN
ATTACK MOM, THEN I'D SAY
WHOA, WE GOT TO BACK OFF A
BIT HERE.
AND WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH A
CHILD LIKE THAT IS START
DOING A LOT OF ACTIVITIES
WITH HER WHERE SHE HAS TO DO
THINGS WITH A GROUP AND
THERE'S NO RIGHT OR WRONG
ANSWER.

Maureen says SUCH AS...?

Barbara says LIKE
CLIMBING A WALL, A ROCK WALL.
THERE ISN'T ONE ROUTE UP A
ROCK WALL.
AND WHAT YOU WILL SEE WITH
MANY OF OUR -- SHE CALLS
THEM TYPE-A, BUT IT'S THE
KID WHO HAS TO DO TO PLEASE
ALL THE TIME.
SHE'LL GET SO FRUSTRATED
WHEN ONE ROUTE DOESN'T WORK.
YOU SEE A KID WHO IS A VERY
CREATIVE PROBLEM SOLVER,
WELL THAT DIDN'T WORK, LET'S
TRY ANOTHER.
BUT THAT KID KNOWS SHE'S NOT
BEING JUDGED BY HOW QUICKLY
SHE GETS UP THERE OR THAT
SHE'S THE FIRST OR THAT SHE
HAS TO DO IT RIGHT THE FIRST
TIME.
THIS IS A ROUTE THAT WE HAVE
TO FIND A WAY, AND THE KIDS
DOWN BELOW ARE YELLING TRY
THAT ONE, TRY THAT ONE, TRY
THAT ONE!
SO THEY'RE GETTING HELP FROM
ONE ANOTHER.
ADVENTURES LIKE THAT OR
DOING A PROJECT AT HOME
WHERE TOGETHER WE HAVE TO
MAKE A THING OF LASAGNA.
I MARRIED AN ITALIAN, YOU
KNOW?
WHERE WE BOTH HAVE TO PITCH
IN AND IN THE END IT'S DONE,
AND IT'S A BEAUTIFUL PIECE
TOGETHER.

Maureen says OF WORK.

Barbara says YEAH,
ONE OF US DRAINS THE NOODLE,
ONE IS DRAINING THE SPINACH
AND MAKING IT WORK, INSTEAD
OF MAKING HER DO ONE THING
THAT SHE HAS TO BE PERFECT
AT.

Maureen says OKAY, GOOD LUCK,
ANNE.
CHRISTINA IN TORONTO.
HELLO, CHRISTINA?

The Caller says GOOD AFTERNOON,
LADIES, I HAVE A SIMILAR
SITUATION FROM WHAT YOU'RE
DISCUSSING.
WE'RE EXPERIENCING A
SITUATION, AN INTERESTING
ONE WITH A 12-YEAR-OLD WHO
IS OVER-ORGANIZED,
TREMENDOUS PERFECTIONIST,
SHE CAN SPEND THREE TO FOUR
HOURS A NIGHT ON HOMEWORK,
AND YET ALL HER ASSIGNMENTS
ARE OVERDUE AND LATE.
WE HAD A PROBLEM WITH
BEDTIME.
SHE'S QUITE OFTEN QUITE
DELAYED.
MORNING ROUTINES, THIS
MORNING SHE WENT TO SCHOOL
AT QUARTER PAST NINE.
WE JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET
HER ON TRACK.
I'M WONDERING IF YOU HAVE
ANY SUGGESTIONS AS FAR AS
STRATEGIES.
WE'VE REMOVED TOO MANY
PRIVILEGES ALREADY, AND I'M
WONDERING WHERE WE CAN GO
THERE.

Barbara says DOESN'T WORK.
HOW OLD?

Maureen says HOW OLD?

The Caller says 12.

Barbara says OKAY.
HAS SHE ALWAYS DONE THIS?
PROCRASTINATED.

The Caller says YES, YES.

Barbara says IS SHE
REAL CREATIVE?

The Caller says CAN BE, YEAH.

Barbara says MANY
OF OUR RIGHT BRAIN CREATIVE
CHILDREN, YOU KNOW I'VE
REFERRED TO OUR SON THAT WAY
SEVERAL TIME, HE'S AN
ARTIST.
AND WE WENT THROUGH A LOTS
OF THE SAME KIND OF THING
AND ONE OF THE THINGS YOU
WILL FIND VERY QUICKLY THAT
DON'T WORK WITH ANY CHILD
BUT ESPECIALLY WITH A
CREATIVE CHILD IS REMOVING
PRIVILEGES AND IT'S A
THREAT.
AND A PUNISHMENT.
REMOVING -- OKAY, YOU CAN'T
PLAY WITH THE PLAYSTATION.
HE SAYS FINE, I'LL DO THE
NINTENDO.
YOU CAN'T READ THE BOOK.
WELL THEN FINE, I'LL GO FIND
SOMETHING ELSE TO DO.
VERY CREATIVE KIDS LOOK AT
OTHER OPTIONS.
AND THEN YOU SAY BUT NONE OF
THIS IS WORKING.
WHAT I WANT TO SO BE VERY
SPECIFIC OF WHAT THE ISSUE
IS.
AND MANY VERY CREATIVE
CHILDREN WHO ARE
PROCRASTINATORS NEED IN THE
BACK BONE MORE VERTEBRAS.
THEY NEED THEIR LIFE A BIT
MORE STRUCTURED WITH SOME
HELP, WHERE THEY SAY TO THEM
LET ME HELP YOU ORGANIZE
YOUR LIFE HERE SO THAT YOU
PICK OUT EVERYTHING THE
NIGHT BEFORE SO, MORNING IS
NOT SUCH A CHORE.
LET'S GO GET AN ALARM CLOCK.
WHAT KIND OF ALARM CLOCK DO
YOU NEED?
ONE OF MY KIDS HAS TO
ACTUALLY GET UP -- YOU CAN
BET WHICH ONE IT IS, GET UP
AND TURN THE ALARM OFF OR
HE'S NOT GOING TO GET OUT OF
BED.
MY MIDDLE DAUGHTER SNOOZES.
SHE'S GOT THE ONE THAT
SNOOZES A LOT AND THE OLDER
IS -- IT GOES OFF ONCE,
SHE'S OUT OF BED.
THREE PERSONALITIES, DAY
NIGHT AND NOON, BUT THEY
NEEDED DIFFERENT KIND OF
ALARMS THEN.
AND THEN WE TALKED ABOUT
WHAT'S A GOOD TIME FOR YOU
TO GET UP.
WHAT I SUSPECT, MOM'S
NAGGING IN THE MORNING.
HURRY UP, DON'T FORGET YOUR
GYM SHOES, NAG NAG NAG.
KID GOES ALL TO SCHOOL,
GREAT SHAPE.
PARENTS BORDERING ON A
CORONARY AND THE CHILD SAYS
WHY SHOULD I GET HASSLED
WHEN SOMEONE ELSE'LL DO THAT
FOR ME.
I HAVE DEAR FRIEND JAIME FAY
WHO CALLS THAT THE
HELICOPTER PARENT SYNDROME,
YOU HOVER.
AND VERY OFTEN WHEN WE SEE
12-YEAR-OLDS WHO ARE VERY
CREATIVE AND NOT FINISHING
TASKS AND THE LIKE, WE'VE
ALL HOVERED OVER THEM A LOT
AND I WANT TO BACK OFF A
BIT.
ALLOW HER TO EXPERIENCE THE
CONSEQUENCES HERSELF FOR NOT
GETTING THINGS IN ON TIME,
AND DEALING WITH THE TEACHER,
NOT WITH ME.
AND BEING THERE -- I GO TO
PARENT-TEACHER conferences.
ALTHOUGH I CALL IT
STUDENT-PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCE.
IT'S THE STUDENT'S
CONFERENCE AND I'M THERE
WITH MY MOUTH SHUT AS JOSEPH
AND HIS TEACHER ARE TALKING
ABOUT THE FACT THAT JOE'S
NOT TURNING HI STUFF IN AND
WHAT IS HIS PLAN FORGETTING
IT DONE?
AND I SAY TEACHER AND JOE,
I'LL SUPPORT BOTH OF YOU ON
THIS, YOU TELL ME WHAT PLAN
AND I'LL BE THERE TO MAKE
SURE THAT THAT TIME IS SET
ASIDE AT HOME.
I ALSO WANT TO DO A
SELF-ASSESSMENT WITH THE
KID.
WHAT DID YOU ACCOMPLISH
TODAY?
WHAT DID YOU STRUGGLE WITH
AND FIX?
AND WHAT DO YOU STILL NEED
TO DO AND WHAT'S YOUR PLAN
FORGETTING IT DONE?
DO YOU SEE HOW DIFFERENT
THAN IS THAN A SMILEY FACE
OR A FROWNY FACE, COMING
HOME?

Maureen says YEAH.

Barbara says AND I
WOULD SAY TO THE 12-YEAR-OLD
OR THE 8-YEAR-OLD WHAT DID
YOU ACCOMPLISH TODAY?
WHAT DID YOU STRUGGLE AND
FIX SO SHE KNOWS SHE CAN SAY
I GOT IN TROUBLE ON THE
PLAYGROUND OR I DIDN'T TURN
SOMETHING IN ON TIME.
WHAT DID YOU NOT GET DONE
AND WHAT'S YOUR PLAN FOR NOT
GETTING IT DONE?
I DIDN'T GET MY MATH DONE, I
PLAN TO GET IT DONE AT 6:30
THIS EVENING AND THEN I SAY
OKAY, EVERYTHING SHUTS OFF
IN THE HOUSE 6:30.
GETTING HOMEWORK FINISHED IS
NOT AN ISSUE FOR MOST KIDS,
IT'S GETTING IT STARTED.
AND IF THEY CAN JUST GET IT
STARTED.
SO IT'S HELPING HER ORGANIZE
HER LIFE, ALLOWING HER TO
TAKE AS MUCH CONTROL AS
POSSIBLE.
BUT HAVING HER ORGANIZE IT.
RIGHT BRAIN CREATIVE KIDS
VERY OF ARE SCATTERED AND
NEED THE HELP TO GET
ORGANIZED.

Maureen says I'M WONDERING,
NOW YOU'RE A FORMER TEACHER
SO, THAT'S OKAY -- IF
PARENTS ARE STRUGGLING
GETTING THEIR KIDS TO SCHOOL
ON TIME BECAUSE THE KID IS
PROCRASTINATING IN THE
MORNING IT'S OKAY WITH YOU
AS A TEACHER IF WE JUST LET
THE KIDS, “YOU COME LATE,
YOU'RE 15 MINUTES LATE FOR
SCHOOL.”

Barbara says NOT ALWAYS.

Maureen says BECAUSE THE
PRINCIPAL'S GOING TO CALL ME
THE PARENT AND SAY “YOUR
KID'S NOT GETTING HERE ON
TIME.
YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.”

Barbara says YEAH, NO, NO.
WITH A KID IN THE MORNING
WHAT I DON'T WANT TO DO IS NAG.
I ALWAYS SET THE STOVE TIMER
FOR ALL OF US TEN MINUTES
BEFORE IT'S TIME TO GO OUT
THE DOOR, AND IT WOULD GO
OFF AND REMIND EVERYBODY
THAT WE HAVE TEN MINUTES TO
GET OUT THE DOOR.
AND SHE GOES OUT THE DOOR ON
TIME.
SHE MAY NOT BE FULLY DRESSED,
AND PARTLY BECAUSE IN MY
STATE, PARENTS ARE HELD
RESPONSIBILITY FOR
CHILDREN --

Maureen says WHO ARE
DELINQUENT?

Barbara says YES!
AND SO SHE HAS TO GET THERE.
NOW I ALSO MIGHT SAY TO HER
“IF YOU MISS YOUR DAD'S RIDE,
LET'S CALL THE CAB COMPANY
AND SEE WHAT IT COSTS FOR
THE CAB TO PICK YOU UP,
BECAUSE YOU GOT TO GET TO
SCHOOL.
OH, 20 BUCKS, BUMMER!”
YOU KNOW?
OH, BUT YOU'VE GOT TO GET TO
SCHOOL.
THAT'S -- JELLYFISH SAYS LET
'EM GO.
BRICK WALL SAYS YOU WILL GET
OUT THAT DOOR AND I'M GOING
TO NAG AND YOU PULL YOU OUT
THERE.
BACKBONE SAYS “YOU HAVE TO
GET OUT THE DOOR.
AND IF YOU MISS YOUR RIDE
WITH YOUR DAD, YOU'LL HAVE
TO PAY FOR ANOTHER ROUTE TO
GET THERE.”

Maureen says OKAY.

Barbara says NOW IF
IT'S NOT SAFE FOR THEM TO
WALK, YOU DON'T LET THEM
WALK ALONE.
IF IT'S LIFE-THREATENING,
MORALLY THREATENING OR
UNHEALTHY, YOU INTERVENE.
BUT IT'S GIVING HER
OWNERSHIP.

Maureen says OKAY, GOOD LUCK
WITH THAT ONE.
CINDY IS IN LONDON.
HI CINDY KASTZ HI.
OH, BY THE WAY, THANK YOU
BARBARA, FOR ALL THE WORK
THAT YOU DO.

Barbara says THANK YOU.

The Caller says MY QUESTION IS
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU AND
YOUR PARTNER HAVE DIFFERENT
PHILOSOPHIES ABOUT PARENTING
AND HOW DO YOU FIND A
MIDDLEGROUND WITHOUT LOSING
YOUR MIND?

Barbara says YOU
KNOW, THE INTERESTING THING
IS -- I WROTE ABOUT THIS IN
MY FIRST BOOK “KIDS ARE
WORTH IT” ABOUT MY HUSBAND
COMING FROM A BRICK WALL
FAMILY AND MY COMING FROM A
GEL ACCOMPLISH FISH-A FAMILY
WHERE MY MOTHER WAS RAISED
BRICK WALL BUT SWORE SHE'D
NEVER RAISE US THAT WAY.
AND THEN THE HAMMER WOULD
COME DOWN AFTER THIS WAS CAN
I YOS.
AND WE TEND, IF WE MARRY
VERY YOUNG OR NOT REAL AWARE,
TO ATTRACT OUR OPPOSITE.
ALMOST AS IF IT'S GOING TO
COMPLETE US.
BRICK WALLS AND JELLYVICIOUS
TEND TO MARRY ONE ANOTHER
AND THEY DO NOT A BACKBONE
FAMILY MAKE.
AND SO THIS MIDDLE GROUND IS
SO CRITICAL, BUT IT DOESN'T
COME FROM THE TWO OF US
BEING DIFFERENT.
WHAT IT COMES FROM IS FROM
ME BECOME WHOLE MYSELF AND
MOVING TOWARD THE BACKBONE
AND MY SPOUSE MOVING TOWARD
THE BACKBONE.
AND THE JOURNEY THERE IS
DIFFERENT FOR BOTH OF US.
THE ONLY THING I CAN PROMISE
A BRICK WALL PARENT IS THAT
YOU WILL LOSE YOUR CHILD AT
PUB TEAM.
THEY WON'T CONFIDE IN YOU,
THEY WON'T TALK TO YOU,
BECAUSE YOU'VE COME DOWN SO
HEAVY.
NOW JELLYFISH PARENT, THE
KID'S NOT GOING TO HAVE
ANYWAY TO COME TO YOU IN A
CONSTRUCTIVE WAY, BECAUSE
THERE'S BEEN SO MUCH CHAOS.
SO WHAT -- IF EVEN ONE OF
YOU MOVE TO THE MIDDLE
GROUND, IT'LL HELP THE KID.
IF YOU BOTH STAY ON THE
OTHER END, I'M RIGHT, YOU'RE
WRONG, YOU'RE RIGHT -- THE
POOR KID'S GOING TO SUFFER
GREATLY.
BUT IF THERE IS AT LEAST ONE
BACKBONE PARENT THERE, THE
OTHER WILL BEGIN TO SEE “OH,
IT DOES WORK.”
WE NEED TO BE SAFE HARBOUR
FOR OUR CHILDREN, AND ONE
THING, I WOULD SAY, IF THAT
BRICK WALL IS ABUSIVE TO THE
CHILDREN, THEN YOU HAVE TO
STEP IN.
BUT IF THEY HAVE A
DIFFERENCE, AND THEY JUST,
THEY SAY, THEY SAY IT, THEY
MEAN IT, THEY FOLLOW THROUGH
WITH IT, WHICH IS A GOOD
THING BUT THEY DO IT IN SUCH
A HAMMER FASHION WHERE THEY
AREN'T GOING TO LISTEN TO
THE KID'S EXPLANATION OR
ANYTHING, I CAN NOT IN FRONT
OF THE KID BUT BEHIND SAY TO
THE MOM OR THE DAD, “YOU
KNOW, THIS IS GETTING YOU
INTO TROUBLE HERE.”
AND AS ONE ANOTHER WE HAVE
TO BE ABLE TO DIALOGUE.
SOMETIMES IT TAKES A THIRD
PARTY.

Maureen says REALLY?

Barbara says YES.

Maureen says SO WITH A
THERAPIST TO HELP --

Barbara says A
COUNSELLOR TO SAY LOOK, THE
TWO OF YOU ARE AT WITS END
HERE AND IT'S NOT SERVING
THE KIDS WELL.
BUT RECOGNIZE THAT WE DO
PARENT DIFFERENTLY.
MY HUSBAND HAD SUCH A
STRUGGLE GETTING THE KIDS
OUT THE DOOR IN THE MORNING
AND HE WOULD SAY TO ME, “HOW
COME WHEN YOU'RE HERE THEY
JUST GO?”
AND I SAID “JUST NOTICE I
DON'T SAY ANYTHING.”
AND HE WAS PLAYING HIS
MOTHER'S ROLE.
NAGGING!
HURRY UP!
YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE!
BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT THEM
TO BE LATE!
HOW WYE LOOK IF MY KIDS ARE
LATE?!
BUT IT WAS THE NAGGING.
AND THEN HE WOULD SAY BUT
YOU...
SO ONCE HE CALLED ME ON THE
PHONE, HE SAID “YOU WON'T
BELIEVE THIS.”
I WAS ON THE ROAD DOING ONE
OF MY STINTS.
HE SAID “I SHUT UP THE WHOLE
MORNING AND YOU KNOW, THEY
ALL GOT OUT THE DOOR IN THE
MORNING.”
AND HE WAS SO HAPPY.
BUT HAD I HAVE SAID IN FRONT
OF THE KIDS YOU BE QUIET,
THEN I'D HAVE SABOTAGED IT,
SO WE HAVE TO DO IT BEHIND
THE SCENES TOGETHER.

Maureen says THIS MUST BE
ESPECIALLY HARD ONCE THE, IF
THE MARRIAGE HAS BROKEN
DOWN.

Barbara says OH!

Maureen says AND THEN YOU'RE
BOTH TRYING TO PARENT KIDS
FROM DIFFERENT HOUSEHOLDS,
AND, YOU KNOW, HE'S OVER AT
YOUR PLACE AND HE'S WELL,
DAD LETS ME, YOU KNOW, EAT
SALT AND VINEGAR POTATO
CHIPS AND THE WHOLE BAG, WHY
CAN'T I DO THAT HERE AT
HOME?
SO THAT'S --

Barbara says OH, DIVORCE.
DIVORCE IS AN INTERESTING
THING.
IN MY SECOND BOOK I PUT IT
IN A CHAPTER CALLED
“FAMILIES BORNE OF AND LOSS
HOPE.”
IT'S BOTH OF THOSE.
A STEP FAMILY OR A SINGLE
PARENT HOME, YOU'RE GOING TO
HAVE THOSE ISSUES.
WHEN YOUR KID COMES HOME AND
SAYS “DAD LET'S ME DO THAT
AT HIS HOUSE,” I SAY YOU
KNOW THAT YOUR DAD AND I
PARENT DIFFERENTLY.
AND I KNOW THAT SOMETIMES
IT'S DIFFICULT TO SWITCH
FROM ONE TO THE OTHER, BUT I
KNOW YOU CAN DO IT.
AND THIS IS WHY WE DO THIS
HERE.
I WANT YOU TO NOTICE I
DIDN'T SAY WOW WHAT A JERK
HE IS, WHY DO YOU THINK I
LEFT HIM.
YOU KNOW, HE DOESN'T KNOW
HOW TO PARENT ANYWAY!
I SAY “AT DAD'S HOUSE HE
DOES DO IT DIFFERENTLY.
AT THIS HOUSE, WE DO IT THIS
WAY.
AND I KNOW YOU CAN HANDLE
IT.”
AND IF THERE'S AN ISSUE YOU
REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT,
WE WON'T COMPARE, BUT LET'S
LOOK WHAT WE CAN DO TO MAKE
IT WORK HERE.
AND I ALSO HAVE ONLY ONE BIT
OF ADVICE TO GIVE MOM AND
DAD IN A DIVORCE.
PEOPLE SAY TO ME HOW CAN I
HELP MY CHILDREN GET OVER
THIS DIVORCE?
OR HANDLE IT?
I SAY THAT'S THE WRONG WORD.
YOU DON'T HANDLE A DIVORCE.
YOU HANDLE LOSING YOUR
MITTENS.
AND YOU DON'T GET OVER A
DIVORCE, YOU GET THROUGH ALL
THE PASSAGES OF GRIEF.
AND THERE'S TWO THINGS YOU
CAN DO TO HELP YOUR CHILDREN
DO THAT.
AND THEY'RE VERY DIFFICULT
TO DO.
ONE, YOU BOTH HAVE TO ACT
LIKE AN ADULT.
AND TWO, YOU BOTH HAVE TO
PARENT YOUR CHILDREN.
YOU MUST BE WILLING TO DO
THAT.
IF YOU TRULY WANT TO HELP
YOUR CHILDREN GET THROUGH
THE DIVORCE.

Maureen says WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF THE LATEST RESEARCH
INTO HOW CHILDREN FROM
MARRIAGES THAT BREAK DOWN
ARE DOING THESE DAYS?
I'VE READ EVERYTHING FROM
THEY'RE DOING POORLY TO HEY,
NO, THEY'RE NOT DOING SO
BADLY.

Barbara says IT'S ALL.
IT'S ALL.
BUT I ALSO THINK -- I WAS
WATCHING OPRAH THE OTHER DAY
AND WATCHING THE WOMAN WHO
HAD WRITTEN THE BOOK, AND
I'M GOING TO MISPRONOUNCE
HER NAME SO I WON'T, IT
STARTS WITH A W.

Maureen says OKAY.

Barbara says AND
THE PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE
WOULD MAKE A COMMENT LIKE,
“WELL I'M AN ADULT CHILD OF
DIVORCE.”
I GO BACK TO THE STORY OF MY
MIDDLE DAUGHTER, WHO HAD
CANCER HER SENIOR YEAR.
AND WHEN SHE WAS FIVE YEARS
OUT CANCER-FREE, HER
ONCOLOGIST SAID TO HER
“MARIA, GIVE ME A HIGH-FIVE,
YOU'RE A CONDITIONER IS
SURVIVOR.”
AND SHE SAID, “NO, I'M NOT.”
AND HE SAID “YEAH, YOU ARE,
FIVE YEARS.”
SHE SAID “NO, I'M NOT.
I HAD CANCER, IT WAS A BIG
UGLY THREAD IN MY TAPESTRY
AND I WON'T FRAME MY LIFE.”
WHEN YOU SAY “I'M ADULT DULT
CHILD OF DIVORCE WE FRAME
OUR LIVES IN THAT DIVORCE.
IT WAS AN EVENT, IT WAS AN
UGLY THREAD IN THE TAPESTRY
AND IT WILL EFFECT YOUR
CHILE'S LIFE, BUT I WANT
KIDS TO UNDERSTAND THAT
THERE ARE THINGS YOU CAN'T
CONTROL.
LIFE IS NOT FAIR.
LIFE HURTS.
AND LIFE IS GOOD.
AND YOU HAVE A TREMENDOUS
AMOUNT OF POTENTIAL FOR WHAT
YOU DO WITH ALL THREE OF
THOSE.
THAT YOU DO HAVE POWER TO
HANDLE THINGS IN YOUR LIFE
THAT WEREN'T FAIR.
THAT WERE HURTFUL.
AND YES, THE DIVORCE DID
HAPPEN.
BUT ADULTS HAVE TO DO SOME
WORK HERE, TOO.
YOU HAVE TO ACT LIKE AN
ADULT AND BE A PARENT.
AND IF YOU DO THOSE TWO
THING, EVEN WHEN YOUR CHILD
COMES HOME FROM THE OTHER
PARENT'S HOME SPORTING AN
OUTFIT THAT THE NEW LOVE HAS
BOUGHT THEM.
YOU ACT LIKE AN ADULT, YOU
DON'T GO AH-HA!
SO THAT'S WHERE THE MONEY
GOES!
WHAT A TART SHE IS, YOU KNOW,
SHE'S ONLY FIVE YEARS OLDER
THAN YOUR OLDER SISTER.
NO.
YOU LOOK AT HER AND YOU SAY
“OH, YOU LOOK SO HAPPY!”
NOT BEAUTIFUL, YOU LOOK
HAPPY IN THAT.
SHOW ME, SHOW ME, SHOW ME!
AND THEN YOU SAY “YOU KNOW
WHAT?
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO
REMEMBER TO WASH THAT REAL
PRETTY AND GET IT ALL NICE
SO YOU CAN BRING IT BACK TO
YOUR DAD'S NEXT WEEK, AND
BRING IT BACK HERE IF YOU'D
LIKE.”
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SAYS TO
YOUR KID?
I DON'T HAVE TO KEEP SECRETS,
I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT
WHAT I SAY IN ONE HOUSE, AND
WHEN MOM AND DAD -- THAT KID
HAS BOTH PARENTS THERE.
AND ALSO, IT ALSO SAYS TO
THEM “I DON'T HAVE TO HIDE
MOM OR DAD'S PICTURE UNDER
THE BEDFRAME AND WAIT TO
PULL IT OUT AFTER THE OTHER
PARENT SAID GOOD NIGHT TO
ME.”
DOESN'T MEAN AS AN ADULT YOU
DON'T GO TO YOUR FRIENDS
HOUSE AND GO YAAA!
YOU CAN DO THAT.

(LAUGHING)

Maureen says WE ONLY HAVE TWO
MINUTES BUT LET'S TRY TO GET
LINDA'S QUESTION IN.
HI LINDA.

The Caller says HI.
MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE READ
“KIDS ARE WORTH IT” AND WE
REALLY LOVE IT.
WE WANT TO BE BACKBONE
PARENTS AND RIGHT NOW I KNOW
WE'RE TURNING INTO BRICK
WALL PARENTS AND IT DRIVES
US CRAZY.
WE'VE RESORTED TO BRIBES
THREATS AND TIME-OUTS.
SO THAT'S NOT WHERE WE WANT
TO BE.
OUR SON IS FIVE YEARS OLD.
HE'S OUR FIRST BORN, AND HE
CHOOSES NOT TO LISTEN TO US.
AND WE DO EXPECT HIM TO
RESPOND, YOU KNOW, EVEN IF
HE SAYS JUST A MINUTE OR
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE OR JUST
ANYTHING.

Maureen says I'M GOING TO
HAVE TO CUT YOU OFF AND SIN
NOP SIZE HERE.
HOW DO YOU GET A KID TO LISTEN TO YOU.

Barbara says SECOND
TO HARDEST KIDS THAT ARE
FIVE.
HUMOUR AGAIN, TIME,
AFFECTION, SENSE OF OPTIMISM
AND HUMOUR.
HUMOUR HIM.
GO IN THERE AND BE FUNNY
WITH HIM AS YOU'RE ASKING
HIM TO DO SOMETHING.
GIDDY UP, GIDDY-UP, TIME TO
FEED THE DOG, TIME TO FEED
THE DOG!
WE AREN'T FUNNY UP WITH OUR
CHILDREN.
WE TAKE IT SO SERIOUSLY, WE
GO THERE AND SAY “AREN'T YOU
LISTENING TO ME?”
AND I REALLY TRY TO HUMOUR,
GALLOP IN THERE WITH THE DOG
SIGN, “TIME TO FEED ME” OR
SOMETHING.
IT'S HUMOUR, AND THEN BE
RIGHT WITH HIM AND TALK TO
HIM INSTEAD OF YELLING THREE
ROOMS AWAY.
BECAUSE AT FIVE HE'S MAKING
THE BIG INTELLECTUAL LEAP,
TOO, AND THE WHOLE WORLD'S
OPENING TO HIM.
AND I FIND THAT THE LESS
NEGATIVE WE ARE WITH THEM
AND THE MORE WE ARE PLAYFUL
WITH THEM TO DO THING, THE
MORE HE'S GOING TO LISTEN TO US.

Maureen says DO YOU HAVE TO
MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH A
FIVE-YEAR-OLD.

Barbara says IT HELPS.

Maureen says YOU GET DOWN ON
THEIR LEVEL.

Barbara says BUT YOU DON'T GET DOWN
LIKE THIS IT'S LIKE THIS.
AND PLAYING WITH HIM.
SWOOPING HIM UP, AND
DISENGAGING HIM AND
DISORIENTING HIM, SWOOP HIM
AROUND AND SAY WE'RE
GALLOPING TO THE DINNER
TABLE NOW.
YOU SAY “I DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR THAT.”
PARENTING IS NOT AN
EFFICIENT HE PROFESSION.
IT TAKES A LOT OF TIME AND
THE MORE FUN TIME WE HAVE
WITH OUR CHILDREN AND THE
MORE RESPONSIBILITIES WE
GIVE HIM, HELP ME OUT WITH
THE DISHES AND STUFF, IT'S
THOSE TWO.
THE FEWER DISCIPLINE
PROBLEMS WE'LL HAVE.

Maureen says THE MOST
IMPORTANT THINGS IN THE LAST
30 SECONDS ABOUT BEING A
BACKBONE PARENT ARE WHAT
AGAIN?
THE THINGS THAT YOU HAVE TO
DEMAND FROM YOUR KIDS AND
FROM YOURSELF?

Barbara says YES.
GIVE THEM RESPONSIBILITIES
AND DECISION-MAKING
OPPORTUNITIES INCREASING SO
THAT WHEN THEY LEAVE HOME
THEY'RE MAKING THEM ALL
THEMSELVES AND DECREASING
LIMITS AND BOUNDARIES SO,
THAT IT'S INNER DISCIPLINE
THEY'RE DEVELOPING.
AND THE LAST THING GIVE THEM
YOUR TIME, AFFECTION, SMILE
HUG AND HUMOUR, AND MOST
IMPORTANTLY YOUR SENSE OF
OPTIMISM.
KID WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT
THROUGH THIS.
AND WE DO.

Maureen says OKAY.
WOW, IT WAS GREAT TO HAVE
YOU BACK.

Barbara says IT'S GONE ALREADY!

Maureen says GOES BY FAST.
BARBARA CALL ROSE SO IS THE
AUTHOR OF” KIDS ARE WORTH
IT” AND “PARENTING THROUGH
CRISIS.”
THEY'RE BOTH PUBLISHED BY
PENGUIN.
FOR MORE INFORMATION YOU CAN
ALSO VISIT...

A slate reads “Kids are worth it; www.kidsareworthit.com”

Maureen continues
Thanks for watching More to Life today.
I’m Maureen Taylor.
Remember to tune us in when we’re live,
Monday through Friday from 1 to 2 o’clock.

Watch: Parenting