Transcript: Donna Sinclair | Dec 19, 1991

(music plays)

The opening sequence begins.
Fast clips show the daybreak on a lake, birds flying in the sky, and a house covered with snow.

A song says TALK TO ME, SO I CAN HEAR
YOUR VOICE LIKE A LAKE
SO DEEP AND CLEAR
SOARING THROUGH THE
TOPS OF THE TREES,
DANCING BY MY WINDOW
LIKE A WIND BLOWING THROUGH
MY DOOR, DISTANT VOICES,
DISTANT VOICES
DISTANT VOICES
DISTANT VOICES

(music plays)

A female voice says EVIL IS... I DON'T KNOW.
EVIL IS WHEN... WHEN WE SAY
TO WOMEN IN KENYA, WELL, YOU
KNOW, WE GOT TO SOLVE THE
NATIONAL DEBT SO... SO YOUR
KIDS AREN'T GOING TO HAVE
SCHOOL FEES AND WE'VE
ARRANGED THAT.

Donna appears on screen. She’s in her late forties. She has short wavy blond hair and wears a pale pink blouse underneath a black blazer. The caption below reads "Donna Sinclair, Writer and Journalist."

She appears facing the screen with a lake and a park behind her.

Donna says OR WHEN WE SAY, OKAY.
THE COFFEE'S GOING TO BE SO
MUCH A POUND OR HOWEVER IT IS
THAT IT'S SOLD ON THE
WORLD MARKET AND
WE'VE SAID THAT... AND
INTEREST RATES ARE GOING
TO BE LIKE THIS.
THAT'S WHERE WE START
GETTING INTO EVIL.

The title of the show appears in yellow letters. It reads "Distant Voices, with Eva Solomon, CSJ."

A woman in her fifties, with long curly brown hair sits by a hallway table facing the screen. There's a window behind her. She wears a purple long-sleeve blouse, pink trousers and a long contrasting necklace.

Eva says DONNA SINCLAIR IS AN
AUTHOR AND REPORTER FOR
THE UNITED CHURCH OBSERVER.
SHE'S ALSO AN OUTSPOKEN
ADVOCATE FOR THE UNDERDOG
AND HAS WORKED EXTENSIVELY
WITHIN CHURCH GROUPS AND
SENIORS' HOMES HELPING
PEOPLE RECORD THEIR
PERSONAL HISTORIES.
SHE GREW UP IN TEMAGAMI AND
LOVES THE NORTH INTENSELY,
ALTHOUGH SHE'S NOT BLIND
TO ITS PROBLEMS, WHETHER
THEY'RE ENVIRONMENTAL,
SOCIAL OR SPIRITUAL.
IN HER WORK AS A REPORTER,
SHE HAS TRAVELLED FAR AND
WIDE FROM HER HOME BASE OF
NORTH BAY AND IN HER WRITING
SHE VOICES THE CONCERNS OF
THE POOR AND OPPRESSED WHO
OFTEN HAVE NO VOICE.
DONNA SINCLAIR IS ALSO
A MINISTER'S WIFE.

As Eva speaks, the screen shows landscapes of a city near the sea and a group of people walking down the beach.

Donna says I THINK THAT ONE OF THE
THREADS THAT IS COMMON IS
THAT IT'S USUALLY THE
WOMEN WHO SUFFER MOST IN A
SITUATION OF POVERTY AND
THAT... IT'S AGAIN THAT
QUESTION OF HAVING TO GO
OUTSIDE YOUR OWN COUNTRY TO
LOOK BACK AND SEE WHAT
THINGS LOOK LIKE AND TO GO
TO AFRICA AND SEE THAT IT'S
THE WOMEN WHO WORK THE
18-HOUR DAYS, YOU KNOW, WORKING
IN THE SHAMBA OR IN THE
VEGETABLE GARDEN AND DOING
CRAFTS AND TRYING TO KEEP
THE ECONOMY AFLOAT, AND THEN
TO COME BACK HERE AND...
LIKE I SPENT SOME TIME IN
NEWFOUNDLAND A COUPLE OF
YEARS AGO AND, AGAIN, IT'S
THE WOMEN WHO ARE KEEPING
THE ECONOMY... YOU KNOW, THE
KNITTING AND HANDCRAFTS AND
ALL THAT STUFF.
AND THEN TO COME BACK TO
NORTHERN ONTARIO AND TO...
WELL TO LOOK ALL... TO SEE
THE WAY THAT WOMEN IN GENERAL
ARE OFTEN MORE SUSCEPTIBLE
TO POVERTY THAN MEN.
THOSE THINGS ALL LINK UP.

The screen shows a close up to an article by Donna titled"The female face of poverty."

Donna continues
IT'S VERY OFTEN THE WOMAN
WHO'S LEFT CARING FOR THE
VULNERABLE, BUT THE
CONDITIONS OF OUR SOCIETY...
AND MANY SOCIETIES AROUND
THE WORLD ARE SUCH THAT
WOMEN ARE AT MORE RISK OF
BEING POOR BECAUSE... BECAUSE
WE HAVE, FOR ONE REASON OR
ANOTHER, ALLOWED OURSELVES
TO CONTINUE TO LIVE IN A
SOCIETY IN WHICH SOME ARE
DOMINANT AND SOME AREN'T.

The screen shows a group of women dressed with white gowns and scarves covering their hair. All of them have a red cross in their chests.

Eva says HOW IS IT THAT WE
SABOTAGE OURSELVES?

Donna says WELL THE FEMINIZATION
OF POVERTY REFERS TO THE FACT
THAT WOMEN TEND TO
BE MORE AT RISK.
AS A SPECIES WE TEND
TO BE MORE AT RISK.
AND WE SABOTAGE OURSELVES, I
THINK, BY DENYING THAT IT'S
POSSIBLE, BECAUSE IT'S
EASIER TO LIVE THAT WAY.
LIKE WHO WANTS TO
LIVE WITH THE...

Eva says AWARENESS.

Donna continues
WITH THAT KIND OF AWARENESS.
AND ALSO BECAUSE POVERTY
CAN BE SO INVISIBLE,
ESPECIALLY FOR WOMEN.
YOU KNOW.
WE ALL WEAR JEANS.
WE ALL WEAR SWEATSHIRTS.
GO TO CHURCH AND YOU CAN'T...
WE DRESS UP TO GO TO CHURCH,
YOU KNOW, WHO CAN TELL?
WHO CAN KNOW?
AND SO THERE MAY BE THOSE
AMONG US WHO ARE VULNERABLE
AND IN NEED AND MAYBE JUST
IN NEED OF SOME KIND OF
EMOTIONAL SUPPORT BECAUSE
THEY ARE HAVING A TOUGH TIME.
IT'S EASY TO DENY IT.

A new clip shows again the group of people walking by the beach. A man and a women in their fifties are accompanied by two young men in their mid-twenties and a younger woman in her twenties. It’s Donna and her family.

Eva says DONNA, WHAT ARE SOME OF
THE EXPECTATIONS OF BEING A
MINISTER'S WIFE?

Donna says WHEN WE MARRIED IN THE
'60s, YOU KNOW, THAT WAS RIGHT
AROUND THE FEMININE MYSTIQUE
TIME, AND THERE WAS A KIND OF
CONSCIOUSNESS RAISING THAT
WAS GOING ON THAT HADN'T
GONE ON AS STRONGLY BEFORE
AND SO ALL WOMEN WERE AWARE
THAT THEIR ROLES WERE
CHANGING AND SO THE ROLES...
THE ROLE OF THOSE OF US WHO
WERE MARRIED TO CLERGY ALSO
DID NOT ESCAPE
THIS CHANGE.
AND SO I GUESS WE WERE
MARRIED AT A POINT WHEN
SOME OF THE EXPECTATION
WAS STILL THERE.
IT WAS CERTAINLY THERE IN
ME, THAT I WOULD TEACH
SUNDAY SCHOOL, THAT I WOULD
BE IN CHARGE OF THE WOMEN'S
GROUP, OR AT LEAST WOULD
BELONG TO IT, THAT I WOULD
ALWAYS HAVE THE COFFEEPOT
ON FOR WHOEVER NEEDED THE
COFFEE IF THERE WAS A
MEETING, THAT I WOULD DO
ALL THESE THINGS.
AND THAT MY IDENTITY
WOULD BE SUBSERVIENT.
I DID THAT MYSELF.

Eva says YOU'D BE THE SECRETARY.

Donna continues YEAH.
LIKE I DID THAT MYSELF.
YES.
NO ONE CAME UP TO ME AND
SAID YOU BETTER HAVE THAT
COFFEE ON, LEAST OF ALL MY
HUSBAND, YOU KNOW, WHO I
THINK PROBABLY WOULD HAVE
BEEN ASTONISHED THAT I WAS
CARRYING THIS LITTLE
IMAGE AROUND INSIDE.
AND SO, YEAH, IT WAS A KIND
OF COCOON THAT A LOT OF
WOMEN WERE IN AT THAT TIME.
AND A LOT OF US HAVE... WITH
SOME PRETTY DEDICATED HELP,
YOU KNOW, FROM THOSE SAME
HUSBANDS, A LOT OF US HAVE
MANAGED TO GET OUT
OF THAT COCOON.

The screen zooms out and shows Eva and Donna talking by the lake on a sunny day.

Eva says YOU SAID YOU WORK IN
SOME OF THE HOMES FOR THE
AGED HELPING PEOPLE TO
WRITE THOSE STORIES.

Donna says YEAH, JUST BEFORE I
WROTE THAT BOOK I HAD SPENT
A COUPLE OF YEARS JUST DOING
SHORT COURSES IN CASTLE HOME,
WHICH IS A SENIOR CITIZENS'
BUILDING IN NORTH BAY,
AND I HAD GONE IN JUST
TO SPEND A COUPLE OF HOURS
EVERY... ONE AFTERNOON A WEEK
GETTING THEM TO... HELPING
THEM TO REMEMBER THEIR LIVES
AND WHAT WE WOULD DO IS TAPE
IT AND EVERY DAY AFTER OUR
SESSION I WOULD GO BACK AND
TRANSCRIBE THE TAPE AND THEN
I'D BRING IT BACK AND SAY
NOW, YOU KNOW, THIS IS WHAT
YOU SAID AND THAT WOULD CALL
UP MORE MEMORIES, AND THEN
I'D GET A FEW PHOTOS AND
THINGS, AND WE HAD FUN.
AND THEN I PUT IT ALL
TOGETHER IN A LITTLE BOOKLET.
AND I REALIZED AS I WAS
WORKING WITH THEM THAT THERE
WAS A WHOLE LOT OF STUFF
GOING ON THAT I HADN'T
REALIZED WOULD BE GOING ON.
PEOPLE WHO WERE PRETTY QUIET
WOULD BECOME VERY ANIMATED.
I HAD ONE... THERE WAS ONE
MAN WHO DIDN'T SPEAK.
HE HAD HAD A STROKE OR I
DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF
INJURY HAD OCCURRED TO HIM,
BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN ONE DAY
IN OUR SESSION HE STARTED...
HE JUST TOLD THIS ONE
ANECDOTE THAT OBVIOUSLY HAD
BEEN VERY CLEAR TO HIM FROM
WHEN HE WAS A CHILD AND
THEN WAS QUIET AGAIN.
DIDN'T SPEAK FOR THE NEXT
SEVEN WEEKS OR SOMETHING.
AND I HAD SOME SENSE THAT
IT WAS REALLY IMPORTANT FOR
THEM TO BEGIN, AT THIS TIME
IN THEIR LIVES, TO MAKE
SENSE OF WHAT THEIR
LIVES HAD BEEN ABOUT.

A new clip shows Donna working on her writing in a studio. Accompanying the image, some facts are displayed. The text reads "A Donna Sinclair Booklist includes: The Pastor’s wife today, 1981; Worth remembering, 1984; Living together in marriage, 1986; Christian parenting (with Yvonne Stewart), 1990."

Eva says DID WRITING YOUR BOOK ON
BEING THAT MINISTER'S WIFE
HELP YOU TO COME TO THAT
REALIZATION THAT WHAT YOU
ARE TO BE IS WHO GOD MEANT
YOU TO BE, NOT SOMEBODY ELSE
OR NOT TO BE IN THE ROLE OF...
RATHER THAN WHO YOU ARE AS
A PERSON?

Donna says I THINK THAT'S WHY PEOPLE
WRITE BECAUSE IT IS A
PROCESS OF... LIKE I
SOMETIMES DON'T KNOW WHAT
I'M THINKING UNTIL I'VE PUT
IT DOWN ON PAPER AND THEN
I CAN SAY, OH, YEAH.
THAT'S WHAT I BELIEVE.
SO, YES, THE PROCESS OF
WRITING THAT BOOK AND TRYING
TO DEFINE WHAT ALL THESE
DIFFERENT THINGS THAT I HAD
TRIED OUT WERE, THAT
EVENTUALLY LED ME TO THE
NOTION THAT MAYBE IT
WOULD BE BETTER IF I JUST
CONCENTRATED ON FINDING OUT
WHO I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.

Eva says WHAT ARE SOME OF THE
THINGS YOU HAD TO FACE?

Donna says I THINK THE MOST DIFFICULT
CHAPTER... I KIND OF GATHERED
IT ALL UP INTO ONE
CHAPTER AND SAID, OKAY,
THIS IS THE CHAPTER WE'RE
GOING TO DEAL WITH THE DARK
SIDE, AND IT WAS CERTAINLY
THE HARDEST CHAPTER TO WRITE.
I TALKED ABOUT WHAT IT
HAD MEANT TO ME TO HAVE A
BROTHER WHO'S BLIND, AN
OLDER BROTHER... THERE WAS
ONLY TWO OF US IN OUR FAMILY...
AND THIS IS THE BROTHER
WHO WAS... WAS AND IS A KIND
OF HEROIC FIGURE FOR ME AS
I WAS GROWING UP, AND
SIX YEARS OLD THAN ME.

A black and white picture on screen shows little Donna and her older brother posing in a garden. She has a little dress on and her brother has a short-sleeve shirt, shorts and glasses. Next, a new image shows the two kids with their mother sitting in the garden.

Donna continues
AND VERY GENTLE AND
VERY WISE PERSON.
AND WE DISCOVERED WHEN HE
WAS 21 THAT HE WAS GOING
BLIND AND WOULD BE IN
ANOTHER FEW YEARS.
AND THAT WAS...
ALONG WITH THAT WAS THE
KNOWLEDGE THAT THIS WAS
HEREDITARY SO IT COULD
AFFECT ANY OTHER
MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY.
AND THAT WAS A DARK TIME
WHEN I HAD TO FACE A WHOLE
LOT OF ISSUES AROUND A KIND
OF LONGING TO BE PERFECT.
I WANTED OUR FAMILY TO BE
PERFECT, NOT TO HAVE THIS
AWFUL THING HAPPEN TO US.

(music plays)

Slides show new black and white family pictures mixed with landscapes of the local scene.

Eva says DONNA DOES NOT
ONLY TRAVEL PHYSICALLY.
SHE ALSO FOLLOWS THE
PROGRESS OF HER DREAMS.
SHE BELIEVES THAT LIFE'S
PASSAGES CAN BE CHARTED BY
FOLLOWING THE INTERIOR
MAPPING PROVIDED BY
NIGHT VISIONS.
IT'S A GEOGRAPHY WHERE
THE CLUES ARE NOT EASILY
DECIPHERED OR FOLLOWED.

Donna says WELL WE TALKED A BIT ABOUT
WHAT IT WAS LIKE BEING A
MINISTER'S WIFE IN A TIME
WHEN THERE WERE A LOT OF
EXPECTATIONS THAT
STILL SURROUNDED IT.
AND I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS
DOING A LOT OF THINKING
ABOUT THIS ROLE, AND I HAD
THIS DREAM THAT I WAS GOING
SOMEWHERE WITH A
TEAM OF HORSES.
I DON'T KNOW WHY I WOULD
CHOOSE A TEAM OF HORSES.
ANYWAY.
WITH A WAGON AND A TEAM OF
HORSES, KIND OF RIDING OFF.
AND IT WAS A VERY AGGRESSIVE
AND KIND OF ENERGETIC PAIR
THAT I WAS HAVING TROUBLE
CONTROLLING, AND I WAS SORT
OF HANGING ONTO THESE HORSES
AND GRABBING THEM AROUND THE
NECK AND BEING
DRAGGED ALONG.
IT WAS ALL VERY EXCITING AND
RATHER FRIGHTENING AND...
WHEN I SAT DOWN WITH THAT
DREAM, I REALIZED THAT WHAT
IT WAS TRYING TO HELP ME SEE
WAS THAT AS I MOVED INTO NEW
IDENTITIES AND MOVED INTO
NEW AREAS AND NEW JOBS AND
STARTED TO TAKE SOME RISKS,
THAT IT WAS HARD TO CONTROL,
AND THAT SOMETIMES WE CAN'T
CONTROL EVERYTHING THAT
WE'RE DOING AND WE JUST HAD
TO KIND OF HANG ON TO THIS
LIFE THAT WE'RE LIVING.
YOU START TO FIND OUT WHERE
YOUR STRENGTH COMES FROM.
WHEN I STARTED WRITING THAT
BOOK AND NAMING WHO...
WHO HAD GIVEN ME STRENGTH,
I STARTED ASKING RELATIVES
ABOUT MY GRANDMOTHER,
WHO I KNEW REALLY WELL.
SHE LIVED TO BE 93 SO I HAD
MANY CHANCES TO GET TO KNOW
HER, AND THIS WAS A
VERY STRONG, BRAVE WOMAN.
YOU KNOW, SHE'D COME FROM
SCOTLAND WHEN SHE WAS 16, AND
SHE'D COME BY BOAT AND SHE'D
TRAVELLED ALL ACROSS CANADA
WHEN SHE WAS STILL LITERALLY
A YOUNG, VERY YOUNG WOMAN.
AND SETTLED IN
NORTHERN ONTARIO.
AND SHE WAS PSYCHIC, TOO.
YOU KNOW, SHE COULD READ
HER DREAMS AND DO ALL
SORTS OF STUFF.
THIS WAS MY GRANDMOTHER.
AND THE BRIDGE TO THE
FUTURE FOR ME IS KNOWING
THAT THIS STRONG WOMAN IS
PART OF ME, AND THAT I CAN
BE AS BRAVE AS SHE WAS.

Eva says DONNA, HOW DID YOUR
GRANDMOTHER'S ABILITY TO
INTERPRET HER DREAMS
HAVE AN EFFECT ON YOU?

Donna says WELL, ACTUALLY SHE DID LESS
DREAM INTERPRETATION THAN
HAVING SUDDEN INSIGHTS ABOUT
THE FUTURE AND THINGS, WHICH
IS NOT MY THING AT ALL, BUT
I THINK THAT SENSE OF THERE
BEING MORE TO US THAN WE
KNOW COMES TO ME FROM HER
AND A SENSE THAT IT'S ALL
RIGHT TO BE INTERESTED IN
THIS KIND OF THING.
SO A WHOLE VARIETY OF
CIRCUMSTANCES, INCLUDING
SOME VERY CLOSE FRIENDS WHO
WERE REALLY INTERESTED IN
CARL JUNG AND THINGS LIKE
THAT GOT ME INTERESTED
IN DREAMS.
AND NOW, FOR ME, I FIND
THAT THAT'S THE SPIRITUAL
DISCIPLINE THAT
IS MOST EFFECTIVE.
THE DREAMS ONLY COME IF
YOU'RE WILLING TO BE
READY FOR THEM.
SO I WRITE IT DOWN AND THEN
USUALLY BEFORE I START WORK
IN THE MORNING I'LL GO
THROUGH THEM AND LOOK FOR
THE KINDS OF SYMBOLS THAT I
CAN RECOGNIZE AND WHEN YOU
PUT THE SYMBOLS ALL
TOGETHER, SOMETIMES YOU KIND
OF GET A STORY, A NARRATIVE
OF WHAT'S GOING ON IN
YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW.
AND HIDDEN.
IT'S A KIND OF HIDDEN
BACK-HANDED NARRATIVE.

A slate on screen has a quote that reads "The dream is the small hidden door in the deepest and most intimate sanctum of the soul. Carl Jung."

Donna says AS A COMMUNITY WE DON'T... AS
A LARGE COMMUNITY, WE DON'T
BELIEVE IN DREAMS.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOT
THAT MANY OF US WHO DO.
AND IF WE'RE GOING TO FOLLOW
DREAMS AS A COLLECTIVE,
WE'RE GOING TO CHANGE THE
SHAPE OF THE NATION BY A
DREAM, I THINK THAT THERE
HAS TO BE A FAIR NUMBER OF
PEOPLE WITHIN THE NATION WHO
DO BELIEVE THAT THERE CAN BE...
THAT THERE CAN BE WISDOM
THAT COMES FROM DEEPER PARTS
OF OURSELVES.
I'M NOT SURE AS A NATION
THAT WE'RE IN TOUCH WITH THAT.
AND I THINK THAT'S ONE
OF THE BOTH GIFTS AND
CHALLENGES THAT YOUR PEOPLE
BRING TO THIS NATION IS THE
ABILITY TO SEE DREAMS AS
A COMMUNITY EFFORT AND A
COLLECTIVE EFFORT AND
NOT AS AN INDIVIDUAL.
MY PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, WHEN
WE WANT TO STUDY DREAMS,
WE ALL GO TO AN ANALYST.
ONE-TO-ONE.
LIKE AND SO WHAT WE NEED TO
LEARN IS TO DEAL WITH THE
ELDERS AND... NOW I DON'T
MEAN TO BE QUITE AS ARBITRARY.
I THINK THAT THERE ARE A LOT
OF US WHO, PARTICULARLY IN
CHURCHES, YOU KNOW, WHO ARE
WORKING IN DREAM GROUPS AND
SEEING THEM AS EFFORTS THAT
ARE INTIMATE AND COMMUNAL
AT THE SAME TIME.
THAT'S REALLY
POWERFUL STUFF.

Eva says AND SOMEHOW OUT OF DOING
THAT, WE ARE RECOVERING
SOMETHING OF OUR... OUR
SPIRITUAL CREATIVE POWER
AS PEOPLE.

Donna says YEAH.
AND THAT'S THE
TRANSFORMATION, YOU KNOW.
THAT'S WHEN WE BEGIN TO... ON
WHATEVER LEVEL, YOU KNOW,
AS INDIVIDUALS OR AS A
COMMUNITY OR AS A NATION,
THAT'S WHEN WE REALLY BEGIN
TO REDISCOVER WHO WE ARE.
AND LIKE I DON'T THINK
IT'S SUCH A BAD THING FOR
INDIVIDUALS OR COMMUNITIES
OR NATIONS TO SPEND THEIR
TIME WANDERING IN THE
WILDERNESS FOR A WHILE.
AND THAT'S THE DREAM
BUSINESS AGAIN, TOO, I THINK,
IS THAT WHENEVER YOU ARE
FILLED WITH THE KIND OF
ARROGANCE THAT DOES INDICATE
THAT YOU'RE IN CHARGE,
YOU HAVE A DREAM
THAT SAYS NO, NO.
IT'S A NICE BALANCE TO
THE WAY THAT WE ARE.

As Donna speaks, the screen shows the fall of dawn in the area mixed with close ups to articles written by her in the past.

Eva says IS THAT WHAT'S HAPPENING
WITH THE COMMUNITIES IN
THEIR OWN WAY, SAYING IT
LIKE IN THE OKA SITUATION OR
IN SOME OF THE THIRD WORLD
AREAS WHERE THEY'RE
SOMEHOW BEGINNING
TO SAY OH, NO,
IN FACT YOU REALLY
DON'T HAVE POWER.

Donna says YEAH.
I DON'T KNOW.
LIKE I'VE THOUGHT A LOT
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AT
KANESATAKE AND KAHNAWAKE
LAST SUMMER AND MAYBE
THERE'S A
PARALLEL, YOU KNOW.
YOU DESCRIBED MOTHER EARTH
SAYING I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
WELL, PART OF THE WAY I
HAD IDENTIFIED MYSELF AS A
CANADIAN WAS TO SAY WE DON'T
DO THIS KIND OF THING, WAS
TO SAY, WELL... WE
SPENT A COUPLE OF YEARS
IN THE STATES DURING THE
VIETNAM WAR AND I SPENT
MOST OF THAT
TIME IN THE U.S.
SAYING, WELL, WE DON'T
DO THINGS LIKE THIS.

Eva says ISN'T IT TERRIBLE.

Donna smiles and continues
AND WE WERE THERE FOR KENT
STATE, YOU KNOW, WHEN THEY
SHOT FOUR STUDENTS.
WE DON'T DO
THINGS LIKE THIS.
WE DON'T BRING
OUT THE ARMY.
WELL, AND WE WERE ACTUALLY
THERE WHEN THEY DID...
WHEN TRUDEAU DID INVOKE
THE WAR MEASURES ACT.
WE WERE CONVENIENTLY OUT OF
THE COUNTRY SO I COULD FOOL
MYSELF INTO THINKING THAT
WE DON'T DO THAT HERE.
SO THERE WAS A KIND OF...
THAT WAS A TURNING POINT FOR
ME TO HAVE TO FACE THE FACT
THAT YES, I'M CANADIAN AND
YES, WE DO.
YOU KNOW, AND WE'VE BEEN
DOING IT FOR YEARS AND YEARS,
BUT I HAD TO REALLY
LOOK AT THAT FACE ON.
IT'S LIKE THAT BUSINESS OF
ACCEPTING THE SHADOW THAT
I WAS TALKING ABOUT, THAT
BUSINESS OF ACCEPTING THE
DARK SIDE.
I REALLY HAD TO ACCEPT THAT,
YES, AS CANADIANS WE'RE NOT
ALL SWEETNESS AND LIGHT, AND
THEN IN OUR OWN WAY WE ARE
AS RACIST, YOU KNOW,
AS ANY OTHER COUNTRY.
IT WAS A TERRIBLE MOMENT.
I DIDN'T WANT
TO GIVE THAT UP.
AND I COULDN'T EVEN RETREAT,
YOU KNOW, INTO SAYING, WELL,
I'M FROM NORTHERN ONTARIO
AND WE DON'T DO THAT.
WELL, OF COURSE
WE DO, YOU KNOW.
THE SAME... ALL THE
SAME IMPULSES EXIST.
AND WE HAVE TO KNOW THAT
IF WE'RE GOING TO BE
WHOLE PEOPLE.
WE HAVE TO KNOW
THAT THAT'S IN US.
WE CAN'T JUST
EXTERNALIZE IT.
IT WAS VERY... IT WAS VERY
WRONG OF ME TO EXTERNALIZE IT
ALL THOSE YEARS AND
SAY, WELL, THE U.S.
ARE THE IMPERIALISTS
AND THE U.S. ARE THE
EMPIRE BUILDERS AND
THEY'RE THE ONES WHO ARE,
YOU KNOW, BUILDING THE BASES
IN THE PHILIPPINES AND
PUTTING THE CRUISE
MISSILES INTO ENGLAND.
WELL, SURE, THEY
DO ALL THAT STUFF.
BUT WE'RE PART OF THE WHOLE
SYSTEM TOO, AND WE HAVE TO
FACE IT.

New clips show a new article by Donna along with pictures from her stay in Kenya. In them. Women pose for the picture while working.

Donna continues
I WAS IN KENYA LAST NOVEMBER
AS PART OF A GROUP OF WOMEN
WHO HAD GONE TO FIND WAYS OF
BEING IN SOLIDARITY WITH
WOMEN IN KENYA.
AND I HAD TO LOOK REALLY...
SOMETIMES IT'S EASIER TO
LOOK AT THINGS OUTSIDE YOUR
OWN COUNTRY, SO I HAD TO
LOOK AT THE DEBT CRISIS IN
AFRICA AND WHAT IT REALLY IS,
AND HOW WE'RE
IMPLICATED IN IT.
AND HOW IT'S THE NORTH, YOU
KNOW, THAT CONTROLS THE
MARKETS AND IT'S THE NORTH
THAT SETS THE INTEREST RATES
AND THE NORTH THAT HOLDS
ALL THE LOANS AND EVERYTHING.
AND THAT I'M PART OF THAT.
I'M PART OF THAT SYSTEM.
THAT'S ORIGINAL SIN.
IT WAS REALLY HARD
FOR ME TO ACCEPT THAT.
YOU KNOW, THAT SOMEHOW TO
COME UP WITH THE CONCEPT
THAT YEAH, IT DOES MAKE
SENSE, EVEN THOUGH I'VE
RESISTED IT ALL MY LIFE.

(music plays)

Aerial views of the city are mixed with footage from people enjoying the beach and animals in the area.

Eva says AS A JOURNALIST, DONNA
OFTEN HAS TO CONFRONT THE
DILEMMA AT THE
HEART OF HER JOB:
THE IMMEDIATE NEED TO REPORT
WHAT SHE SEES VERSUS THE
HUMAN NEED TO REACT TO SOME
OF THE HORRIFYING SITUATIONS
SHE HAS ENCOUNTERED IN HER
TRAVELS AROUND THE WORLD.
PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION IN
THE FACE OF THIS PARADOX
HAS NOT BEEN EASY.

A new picture shows a group of men, in white gowns with red crosses, holding a flag with a stamp that reads "African church of the Holy Spirit" followed by a group of kids smiling.

Eva continues
IT HAS CALLED FOR THE
COURAGE TO FACE BOTH
HUMANITY'S AND
HER OWN DARK SIDE.
IT HAS ALSO MEANT LISTENING
TO THE DISTANT VOICES OF HER
DREAMS, CALLING TO HER FROM
THE OTHER SIDE OF NIGHT.

Donna says THE DREAM THAT THIS PLACE
MAKES ME THINK OF IS...
MY HUSBAND HAD ABOUT 15, 16
YEARS AGO, AND WE HAD WAITED
A LONG TIME FOR A HOLIDAY
AND WE HEADED OFF TO TORONTO
AND WE STAYED IN THE
SHERATON DOWNTOWN, WHICH IS,
IF YOU KNOW IT, PRETTY MUCH
SURROUNDED BY CEMENT AND
SIDEWALKS AND
OTHER SUCH THINGS.
AND WE WERE HAVING THIS
GREAT HOLIDAY, AND TIM HAD
THIS DREAM THAT HIS
MOTHER WAS DYING AND THAT
HE SHOULD GET HOME.
WELL, I MEAN THE NEXT... WE
WAITED 'TIL MORNING AND THEN
WE PHONED HIS MOTHER WHO
HAPPENED TO BE LOOKING AFTER
OUR CHILDREN AT THE TIME
AND SAID ARE YOU ALRIGHT.
SHE SAID I'M
FINE, YOU KNOW.
SO THEN WE SAT DOWN AND LIKE
WHAT WAS GOING ON THAT HE
WOULD HAVE THIS DREAM.
AND WHEN WE PIECED IT
TOGETHER AND TRIED TO FIGURE
OUT WELL WHAT'S THIS
MOTHER BUSINESS IF IT'S
NOT HIS REAL MOTHER.
WELL, YOUR MOTHER IS
WHAT NURTURES YOU.
YOUR MOTHER IS WHO
CARES FOR YOU, YOU KNOW.
YOUR MOTHER.
AND WE REALIZED EVENTUALLY
AFTER MAYBE AN HOUR OF
TALKING ABOUT IT THAT WHAT
THE DREAM WAS SAYING THAT
THE MOTHER THAT IS WITHIN
HIM WAS DYING, AND THE
MOTHER THAT HE NEEDED
TO GET BACK TO WAS THIS.
YOU KNOW, THIS
KIND OF COUNTRY.
WE DIDN'T NEED TO BE IN
DOWNTOWN TORONTO FOR A HOLIDAY.
WE NEEDED TO BE
IN THE BUSH.
SO WE PACKED UP
AND WENT TO THE BUSH,
AND WE WERE A LOT HAPPIER.

Eva says WHAT'S YOUR HOPE
FOR YOUR FUTURE THERE?

Donna says I HOPE I'LL GET BRAVER.
I HOPE I'LL KEEP
DOING THE SAME THING.
I LIKE... THIS IS WHAT I...
AT LEAST FOR RIGHT NOW,
THIS IS WHAT I THINK
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.
AND, YOU KNOW, I TRY TO
KEEP IN TOUCH WITH MY DREAMS,
AND MY DREAMS HAVE NOT YET
SAID THAT THIS IS NOT
WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING.
THERE'S A LOT OF JOY IN...
OH, I MEAN WHEN IT'S MIDNIGHT
AND YOU'RE STILL
TRYING TO GET THE STORY
DONE, THERE'S NOT A LOT
OF JOY IN IT, NO, BUT...
SOMETIMES THERE IS A
LOT OF JOY IN THIS.
AND SO I JUST HOPE THAT I'LL
BE STILL DOING IT IN TEN
YEARS AND STILL PUSHING AT
THE EDGES TO MAKE SURE THAT
I'M STILL... THAT I HAVEN'T
STARTED TO DO IT IN A
COMFORTABLE WAY BUT I'M
TRYING TO DO IT A NEW...
AND IN A WAY WITH COURAGE.
A FRIEND OF MINE WHO'S A
JOURNALIST SAYS THAT THE
HARDEST THING THAT HE HAD TO
LEARN AS A JOURNALIST WAS TO
FORGET WHAT HIS MOTHER HAD
SAID ABOUT NEVER SAYING
ANYTHING NASTY
ABOUT ANYBODY.
THAT'S, I THINK, ONE OF THE
THINGS THAT I'M TRYING TO BE
BRAVER ABOUT SAYING WELL, YOU
KNOW, SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO...
SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO SAY
THE REALLY TOUGH THINGS.

The screen shows a new black and white picture with little Donna posing while holding a book and wearing sunglasses.

(music plays)

The end credits roll.

Produced by Jim Hanley.

Directed by Dan Robinson

Executive for TVOntario, Marjorie Robinson.

Executive Producer, Jim Hanley.

A co-production of TVOntario and Sleeping Giant Productions.

The Ontario Educational Communications Authority. Copyright 1991.

Watch: Donna Sinclair