Transcript: Heartbeat - episode 12 - The Dear Departed | Oct 16, 2020

The theme song plays.

A train crosses the countryside.

A title appears on screen. It reads "Heartbeat."

The lyrics of the song go HEARTBEAT WHY DO YOU MISS WHEN MY BABY KISSES ME? HEARTBEAT WHY DOES OUR LOVE KISS STAY IN MY MEMORY?

Four men wearing police uniforms, a man in a black hat, a man in a white hat, a man in a brown coat, a man in a beret, and a blond woman, appear on screen.

In the background, fast black and white clips show them in their daily activities.

Captions read "Starring Peter Benson, Jason Durr, Derek Fowlds, Philip Franks, Geoffrey Hughes, Mark Jordon, David Lonsdale, Tricia Penrose and William Simons."

Then, the title of the episode appears on screen. It reads "The dear departed, by Brian FInch."

A son plays that goes LITTLE BY LITTLE BY LITTLE BY LITTLE BY LITTLE LITTLE BY LITTLE BY LITTLE BY LITTLE BY LITTLE YOU'RE MESSING UP MY LIFE TEARING ME APART BREAKING UP MY WORLD AND I'VE GIVEN UP MY HEART OOH

Harry Walker drives his bike to a house by the side of the road. Harry is in his thirties and wears a leather jacket and a helmet. He knocks on the door.

(POUNDING ON DOOR)

The song continues I'M LOSING ALL MY PRIDE IT'S REALLY GETTING BAD HURTING DEEP INSIDE

Jethro Woods opens the door.

Jethro is in his late thirties, with short straight brown hair and a goatee, he wears a white shirt and a deep brown jacket.

Harry says SO IT'S TRUE, THEN. YOU'VE GOT A NERVE, MOVING BACK HERE. YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME, DO YOU?

Jethro says SHOULD I?

Harry says MAYBE NOT. BUT YOU'LL REMEMBER ME DAD. CHARLIE WALKER. HE NEVER DID RECOVER, YOU KNOW. HE DIDN'T LAST THE YEAR OUT!

Jethro says LOOK, I HAD NOWT TO DO WITH THAT, ALRIGHT?

Harry says YOU'RE A LIAR!

Jethro says AH, GO TO HELL!

Jethro slams the door on him.

(SLAMMING DOOR) (WALKER POUNDING ON DOOR)

Walker walks away.

At Aidensfield Arms, Vernon says YOU SEE, DAVID, DOMINOES ISN'T JUST A GAME OF CHANCE. IT REQUIRES BOTH BRAINS AND SKILL. MORE LIKE THE COMMON MAN'S CHESS, REALLY.

Bernie says WHICH DOES MAKE ONE WONDER WHY DAVID KEEPS BEATING YOU AT IT.

David says CHIPS.

Vernon says THERE IS, OF COURSE, AN ELEMENT OF LUCK INVOLVED IN ANY GAME. (PEOPLE TALKING QUIETLY)

Jethro walks in the pub.

Oscar says WELL, WELL, WELL. JETHRO WOODS. AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD. OR WAS THAT JUST WISHFUL THINKING ON MY PART?

Jethro says PINT OF BITTER, PLEASE.

Oscar says YOU ARE JOKING, OF COURSE.

Jethro says LOOK, BLAKETON, I TOLD YOU THEN, AND I'LL TELL YOU NOW. I HAD NOWT TO DO WITH THAT JOB.

Oscar says THAT WAS A PIG, WASN'T IT, I JUST SAW FLY PAST THE WINDOW?

Jethro says AND I'LL TELL YOU THIS. I NOW KNOW WHO DID DO IT.

Oscar says AND SO DO I. I ALWAYS HAVE. IN FACT, I'M LOOKING STRAIGHT AT HIM! NOW, GET OUT! (OTHER PATRONS GOING QUIET)

Steve says IS THERE SOME SORT OF PROBLEM, OSCAR?

Oscar says NOTHING I CAN'T HANDLE. THIS, UH... GENTLEMAN WAS JUST LEAVING. WEREN'T YOU, WOODS?

Jethro leaves the pub.

Phil says WHAT WAS ALL THAT ABOUT, OSCAR?

Oscar says THAT BLOKE COMMITTED A MURDER... AND GOT AWAY WITH IT.

At the garage, David says MR. VERNON!

In the office, Vernon says IN HERE!

David says THINK YOU GOT A CUSTOMER.

Vernon says YES, MADAM? CAN I BE OF ASSISTANCE?

Eva says UH, I RANG FROM LONDON YESTERDAY ABOUT BOOKING A FUNERAL WITH YOU FOR MY LATE HUSBAND.

Eva is n her forties, with above the shoulders straight strawberry blond hair with bangs and wears an animal print blouse, high hills, and a black coat.

Bernie says AH, YES. IT'LL BE MRS. PARKER, WILL IT?

Eva says THAT'S RIGHT.

Bernie says YES. EXCUSE ME A MOMENT. SO, NOT A LOCAL MAN, MRS. PARKER, YOUR LATE NEAREST AND DEAREST?

Eva says UH, HE WAS ORIGINALLY, YES, BUT HE LEFT THE AREA WHEN HE WAS STILL QUITE YOUNG. IT WAS ALWAYS HIS WISH THAT HE BE BURIED BACK HERE IN THE FAMILY GRAVE AT AIDENSFIELD.

Vernon says A MOST UNDERSTANDABLE SENTIMENT. AFTER ALL, I DO THINK THAT WHATEVER DIZZY HEIGHTS I MAY ASCEND TO IN THIS LIFE, I'D WANT TO BE LAID TO REST AMONGST MY OWN WHEN I FINALLY POP ME CLOGS. (CHUCKLING)

Eva says QUITE.

Bernie says AND HIS FULL NAME WOULD BE JAMES PARKER, WOULD IT, MRS. PARKER?

Eva says THAT'S RIGHT.

Bernie says RIGHT, YES. AS I UNDERSTAND IT, ARRANGEMENTS FOR INTERNMENT IN THE PARISH CHURCH HAVE ALREADY BEEN PUT IN TRAIN.

Eva says YES, I'M SEEING THE VICAR THIS AFTERNOON.

Bernie says RIGHT.

Vernon says IF YOU COULD GIVE US SOME IDEA OF THE SORT OF CASKET YOU HAD IN MIND, MRS. PARKER... AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE A WIDE AND VARIED COLLECTION. ALTHOUGH, I PERSONALLY WOULD BE INCLINED TOWARDS THE MAHOGANY. A WOOD THAT LASTS, I ALWAYS SAY, YOUR MAHOGANY.

Eva says UH, ALL THAT HAS ALREADY BEEN TAKEN CARE OF BACK IN LONDON. BUT HE WILL NEED TO BE COLLECTED FROM THE TRAIN THIS AFTERNOON AND BROUGHT HERE TO THE CHAPEL OF REST FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.

Bernie says AH, YES, AND THAT WILL BE AIDENSFIELD STATION, WILL IT, MRS. PARKER?

Eva says AT TWO O'CLOCK TODAY.

Bernie says RIGHT, YES. WE'LL MAKE ALL THE NECESSARY ARRANGEMENTS, MRS. PARKER.

Eva says THANK YOU.

The three of them stare at her as she walks away.

At the police station, Alf says WELL, HE'S GOT A BIT OF A NERVE. GOING INTO OSCAR BLAKETON'S PUB OF ALL PLACES, AFTER THAT COSHING BUSINESS.

Phil says WHAT COSHING BUSINESS WAS THAT, THEN?

Alf says WELL, IT HAPPENED WHEN YOU WERE WIPING YOUR NOSE ON THE SLEEVE OF YOUR ROMPER SUIT AND THOUGHT THAT BIRDS WERE FEATHERY THINGS THAT LIVED IN TREES.

Phil says THAT LONG SINCE, EH?

Alf pours Steve a cup of coffee.

Steve says THANKS. SO, WHO'S THIS THAT GOT COSHED, THEN?

Alf says UH, CHARLIE WALKER, A LOCAL BUSINESSMAN. HE WAS RELIEVED OF THE ENTIRE PAYROLL OF A FACTORY THAT HE OWNED.

Phil says AND THIS, UH, CARLIE WALKER DIED AS A RESULT, DID HE?

Alf says EH, NOT IMMEDIATELY, NO. BUT OSCAR WAS CONVINCED IT WAS THAT THAT KILLED HIM, BECAUSE HE DIDN'T LAST THE YEAR OUT.

A song plays that says I LIKE THE WAY YOU WALK I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOUR WALK I LOVE THE WAY YOU TALK WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT THE TALK

As Merton pulls up to the police station, he looks at one of the cars parked at the front.

Steve says DID JETHRO WOODS GET DONE FOR IT?

Alf says NO, IT NEVER GOT TO COURT. HE OUGHT TO HAVE DONE, THOUGH. WE HAD A TIP-OFF FINGERING WOODS FOR IT. AND WHEN WE RAIDED HIS HOUSE, WE FOUND THE ACTUAL BRIEFCASE THAT WALKER HAD USED TO PUT THE MONEY IN. IT WAS IN WOODS'S DUSTBIN. (DOOR OPENING)

Merton walks in the station.

Alf says MORNING, SARGE.

Merton says WHO USED THE PANDA CAR LAST?

Alf says I DID, SARGE.

Merton says IN THAT CASE, I'D HAVE A LOOK AT IT IF I WERE YOU, VENTRESS. SOMEBODY'S LEFT A MESSAGE ON IT FOR YOU.

Alf says OH? (LARGE CLOCKING CHIMING)

He walks out and reads a message that reads "Clean me" on the dirty bonnet.

Alf says OH, VERY COMICAL, I MUST SAY.

At Aidensfield Arms, Oscar says RIGHT, UH, TWO ROOMS IN THE NAMES OF, UH...?

Eva says MRS. PARKER AND MR. LASKI.

Oscar says RIGHT, MRS. PARKER. WOULD YOU CARE TO SEE THE ROOMS?

Eva says THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY.

Oscar says WELL, IF YOU'D BE KIND ENOUGH TO SIGN JUST THERE... THANK YOU. WILL YOU EXCUSE ME? HELLO, HARRY.

Harry says PINT OF BITTER, PLEASE, OSCAR.

The train arrives at the station.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

A song plays that says I THINK I'M GOING BACK TO THE THINGS I LEARNED SO WELL IN MY YOUTH I THINK I'M RETURNING TO THOSE DAYS WHEN I WAS YOUNG

Mister Laski walks off the train. Eva waits for him at the platform.

Laski is in his fifties, with short wavy gray hair and wears glasses, a white shirt, black tie and gray coat.

He says EVA, MY DEAR. HOW ARE YOU?

Eva says UH, TAKING YOUR ADVICE AND TAKING EACH DAY AS IT COMES.

The song goes NOW THERE ARE NO GAMES TO ONLY PASS THE TIME NO MORE COLOURING BOOKS

Eva says THIS IS MR. SCRIPPS FROM SCRIPPS FUNERAL SERVICES, WHO'S HANDLING THE ARRANGEMENTS. THIS IS MR. LASKI...

Bernie says HOW DO YOU DO? Eva says --A CLOSE FRIEND OF MY LATE HUSBAND'S.

Bernie says OH, A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. JUST A PITY IT COULDN'T BE UNDER HAPPIER CIRCUMSTANCES.

Laski says RIGHT.

Bernie says EH, RIGHT, COME ALONG, DAVID.

They carry the casket off the train.

The song continues SO CATCH ME IF YOU CAN I'M GOING BACK

At the pub, Oscar serves Harry and says ONE LARGE WHISKY. THANKS.

Harry says IS IT RIGHT JETHRO WOODS WAS IN HERE LAST NIGHT?

Oscar says IT IS. BUT FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, I DIDN'T SERVE HIM.

Harry says SOMETHING'S GOT TO BE DONE ABOUT HIM.

Oscar says YOU JUST KEEP OUT OF TROUBLE, HARRY. HE'S NOT WORTH IT. IT'S THE LAST THING IN THE WORLD YOUR DAD WOULD HAVE WANTED.

Harry says NO, WELL, ME DAD'S NOT HERE, IS HE? AND YOU AND ME BOTH KNOW WHOSE FAULT THAT IS, DON'T WE, OSCAR? (SOLEMN ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING)

They take the casket to the chapel of rest at the back of Bernie's garage.

Bernie says WOULD YOU LIKE THE CASKET OPENED, MRS. PARKER?

Eva says OPENED?

Bernie says OH, PEOPLE OFTEN DO, IN CASE MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY WANT TO PAY THEIR LAST RESPECTS TO THEIR NEAREST AND DEAREST.

Laski says I WOULDN'T THINK SO, MR. SCRIPPS.

Bernie says NO?

Laski says UH, TO THE BEST OF OUR KNOWLEDGE, JAMES HAD NO SURVIVING FAMILY. AND I THINK EVA WOULD FIND ALL OF THAT FAR TOO UPSETTING. AM I RIGHT, EVA?

Eva says OH, YES.

Bernie says RIGHT.

Laski says WELL, IF YOU NEED TO GET IN TOUCH, WE'RE STAYING AT THE AIDENSFIELD ARMS.

Bernie says OF COURSE.

Laski says COME ALONG, MY DEAR.

David takes out a handkerchief and wipes off his tears.

Vernon says DO YOU KNOW, THERE ARE TIMES, DAVID, WHEN I FIND MYSELF WONDERING WHETHER YOU'RE EMOTIONALLY EQUIPPED FOR THIS LINE OF WORK. (DAVID BLOWING NOSE LOUDLY)

Vernon says UGH.

A song plays that says WHEN I WAS JUST A LITTLE BABY DIDN'T HAVE MANY TOYS BUT MY MAMA USED TO SAY SON YOU'VE GOT MORE THAN OTHER BOYS

As Jethro fixes himself some dinner, a biker drives by his house and throws something throw his window and smashes the glass.

(SMASHING) (STARTING ENGINE)

Jethro runs out after him but he drives away.

(GRUNTING)

Later, the police arrive.

Steve says DID YOU GET THE REGISTRATION NUMBER OF THIS MOTORBIKE, MR. WOODS?

Jethro says NO, HE WAS ALREADY HALFWAY ROUND THE CORNER BY THE TIME I GOT OUTSIDE. BUT THERE'S NO DOUBT IN MY MIND WHO IT WAS.

Steve says AND WHO WOULD THAT BE?

Jethro says CHARLIE WALKER'S SON, OF COURSE. HE'S BEEN ROUND HERE ONCE ALREADY, THREATENING WHAT HE WAS GOING TO DO TO ME.

Steve says WHAT BRINGS YOU BACK TO AIDENSFIELD?

Jethro says WHY SHOULDN'T I COME BACK IF I WANT TO? I DO COME FROM ROUND HERE.

Steve says BUT YOU MUST HAVE KNOWN YOU WERE LIKELY TO FACE LOCAL HOSTILITY, AFTER WHAT HAPPENED TO CHARLIE WALKER.

Jethro says I'M NOT SURPRISED. ESPECIALLY AFTER THE WAY YOU LOT TRIED TO STITCH ME UP FOR A JOB I DIDN'T DO. BUT THEN AGAIN, NOBODY TELLS ME WHERE I CAN OR CAN'T LIVE. AND MEANWHILE, I WANT SOMETHING DOING ABOUT THAT MANIAC WHO JUST BROKE MY FRONT WINDOW, ALRIGHT?

Steve says RIGHT, MR. WOODS.

Two men pulls up to Bernie's garage for gas.

Evans, the passenger says FILL HER UP, PLEASE.

Evans is in his thirties, with straight red hair neatly combed back and wears a black coat.

David says AH.

Johnson, the driver says SO, WHAT'S THE NAME OF THIS PLACE, THEN?

Johnson is in his thirties, with wavy brown hair neatly combed back and wears a black suit, white shirt, green tie and black coat.

David says IT'S AIDENSFIELD.

Johnson says GATEWAY TO THE MOORS, RIGHT?

David says I WOULDN'T SAY THAT EXACTLY. (CHUCKLING)

Evans walks inside and checks on the casket.

Bernie says CAN I HELP YOU, SIR?

Evans says YOU, UH, HAVE A TOILET HERE, DO YOU?

Bernie says I'M AFRAID IT'S FOR STAFF USE ONLY. YOU COULD TRY THE PUB ACROSS THE ROAD.

Evans says THANKS.

David giver Johnson the keys back and says WELL, THERE YOU GO.

Evans gets in the car and they drive away.

(STARTING ENGINE)

At the pub, Oscar says SOMEBODY THREW A BRICK THROUGH HIS WINDOW, EH? WELL, I CAN'T SAY I'M SURPRISED... OR SORRY. ANY IDEA WHO?

Steve says WOODS RECKONS IT WAS CHARLIE WALKER'S SON, HARRY.

Oscar says OH, AYE, MORE THAN LIKELY. HE WAS IN HERE EARLIER ON, GETTING STEAMED UP ABOUT IT. "THE EVIL THAT MEN DO..."

Steve says PARDON?

Oscar says "LIVES AFTER THEM." SHAKESPEARE.

Steve says I'LL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT. I HEARD YOU WERE THE ARRESTING OFFICER WHEN JETHRO WOODS GOT NICKED FOR WALKER'S DEATH.

Oscar says YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. I HAD HIM BANG TO RIGHTS FOR IT, TOO.

Steve says HOW COME THE CASE WAS DROPPED?

Oscar says WELL, TO ME, IT WAS POLITICAL.

Steve says HOW COME?

Oscar says WOODS DEMANDED TO SEE A LAWYER. AND WHEN HIS BRIEF ARRIVED, HE FOUND HIM WITH A BROKEN NOSE, COVERED IN BLOOD. HE'D DONE IT HIMSELF. BUT HE SAID I'D DONE IT, TRYING TO GET A CONFESSION OUT OF HIM.

Steve says I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY FELL FOR THAT ONE.

Oscar says NO, NEITHER COULD I. BUT THERE'D BEEN SOME UNWELCOME PUBLICITY IN THE PAPERS ABOUT ALLEGED POLICE BRUTALITY. AND THE LAST THING THEY WANTED UPSTAIRS WAS MORE OF THE SAME.

Steve says I SEE.

Oscar says I DID THINK ABOUT RESIGNING. BUT I HAD MY PENSION TO THINK ABOUT. AND IF I HAD RESIGNED, EVERYONE WOULD HAVE BELIEVED I WAS GUILTY, THAT I DID GIVE HIM A GOOD HIDING AND I WAS BEEN FORCED TO JUMP BEFORE I WAS PUSHED.

Eva and Laski go to the parish to see the vicar.

Laski says STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY WE HAVE TO BOTHER WITH THE VICAR.

Eva says JUST TO FINALIZE THE SERVICE. (RINGING DOORBELL) REVEREND TRUSCOTT?

Reverend Truscott says YES.

Eva says EVA PARKER.

Reverend Truscott says OH, YES. DO COME IN, PLEASE. THERE IS A COMPLICATION, I'M AFRAID.

Eva says OH?

Reverend Truscott says IT'S ABOUT THE DEEDS.

Eva says THE DEEDS?

Reverend Truscott says TO THE PARKER FAMILY GRAVE.

Laski says UH, I WASN'T AWARE YOU HAD DEEDS TO A GRAVE.

Reverend Truscott says OH, YES. GRAVES, AFTER ALL, ARE PROPERTY, JUST LIKE HOUSES. WHOEVER HOLDS THE DEEDS DICTATES, WELL, WHO CAN BE BURIED THERE.

Eva says BUT IT'S THE FAMILY GRAVE.

Reverend Truscott says WHICH MEANS THAT THE GRAVE AND THEREFORE THE DEEDS BECOMES THE PROPERTY OF SOME MEMBER OF THAT FAMILY.

Eva says BUT WOULDN'T THAT BE MY HUSBAND, AS THE LAST SURVIVING MEMBER?

Reverend Truscott says HE ISN'T. THERE'S A BROTHER, A MISTER... ELI PARKER.

Eva says REALLY?

Reverend Truscott says OH, YES. IT SEEMS THAT MR. ELI PARKER OBJECTS MOST STRONGLY TO HIS LATE BROTHER BEING LAID TO REST THERE.

Eva says BUT WHY?

Reverend Truscott says FROM WHAT I CAN GATHER, MRS. PARKER, HE AND YOUR LATE HUSBAND DID NOT ENJOY THE WARMEST OF RELATIONS. THE VERY SUGGESTION THAT HIS BROTHER MIGHT BE INTERRED THERE PROVOKED WHAT I CAN ONLY DESCRIBE AS A TORRENT OF PROFANITY FROM MR. PARKER.

Eva says SO, WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE US?

Reverend Truscott says BETWEEN THE ROCK AND THE HARD PLACE, I SUPPOSE. (CHUCKLING) UNLESS MR. PARKER CAN BE PREVAILED UPON TO HAVE A CHANGE OF HEART.

Laski and Eva leave the parish.

Reverend Truscott says BYE-BYE.

Eva says BYE-BYE.

Laski says BYE-BYE.

Eva says SO, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

Laski says WELL, FIRST OF ALL, FIND OUT WHERE THIS BROTHER OF HIS LIVES, I SUPPOSE.

Eva says WHY DIDN'T JAMES EVER MENTION IT, THE STUPID OLD FOOL? (PHONE RINGING) (BEEPING) (COIN CLATTERING)

A man in a phone booth says HELLO. GUESS WHO THIS IS. YEAH. WELL, NOW I'M BACK, I JUST WONDERED WHETHER YOU FANCY HAVING A COUPLE OF BEVVIES. HAVE A CHAT ABOUT HOW WELL YOU'VE DONE FOR YOURSELF SINCE. IT'S ALWAYS PUZZLED ME HOW YOU MANAGED IT. THEN ONE MORNING, WHEN WE WERE SLOPPING OUT IN ARMLEY, ALEC BOOTHROYD TOLD ME EXACTLY HOW. YEAH. SO NOW I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, I THINK YOU OWE ME.

A song plays that goes ALL THE PEOPLE DOWN THE STREET, WHOEVER YOU MEET SAY I'M A BAD BOY SAY I'M A BAD BOY

Steve visits the Walker residence.

He knocks on the door and rings the bell but no one comes. As he leaves, Harry watches from behind a window.

The song continues EVEN DEAR OLD DAD WHEN HE GETS MAD SAYS I'M A BAD BOY SAYS I'M A BAD BOY SAYS I'M A BAD BOY WELL YOU SEE NOW I'VE GOT A GIRL AND WE STAY OUT LATE ALMOST EVERY NIGHT WELL THE PEOPLE JUST STARE AND THEY DECLARE (PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

At the pub, Vernon says JUST REMIND ME, DAVID. IS IT 10 MINUTES OR 20 MINUTES WE'VE BEEN SITTING HERE WAITING TO BE SERVED?

Oscar says ALRIGHT, HANG ON. JUST REMEMBER, VERNON. SARCASM IS NOT ONLY THE LOWEST FORM OF WIT. IT'S ALSO A GUARANTEED WAY OF MAKING SURE THAT YOU DON'T GET SERVED AT ALL. NOW, WHAT WAS IT? IT'S JUST SLIPPED MY MIND.

Vernon says A WHISKY AND HALF A BITTER.

Laski says ALLOW ME, GENTLEMEN. MAKE THAT A LARGE WHISKY AND A PINT.

Vernon says OH, THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU, MR. LASKI.

David says YEAH, CHEERS, MR. LASKI.

Vernon says WELL, NOT THE HAPPIEST OF OCCASIONS, EH, MR. LASKI? SEEING A CLOSE FRIEND LAID TO REST.

Laski says NO, INDEED NOT. AND NOT BEING MADE ANY EASIER BY THE LATEST DEVELOPMENT, I'M AFRAID.

Vernon says OH?

Laski says IN FACT, I WAS WONDERING IF YOU TWO MIGHT PERHAPS HELP US.

Vernon says OH, AYE?

Jethro gets food at a food truck.

The server says SALT AND VIN?

Jethro says TA.

A song goes YOU DON'T HAVE A PENNY TO SPEND BUT YOU'RE FEELING ALRIGHT SOON IT'LL BE THE WEEKEND SO YOU'RE FEELING ALRIGHT

The biker starts following him.

(STARTING ENGINE)

At the pub, Laski says DO YOU KNOW ELI PARKER, VERNON?

Vernon says WELL, LET'S SAY OUR PATHS HAVE CROSSED ON OCCASION.

David says YEAH, THE LAST TIME THEY DID, HE THREATENED TO SHOOT ALFRED WITH HIS 12-BORE IF HE CAUGHT HIM ON HIS LAND AGAIN.

Eva says WHO'S ALFRED?

David says OH, HE'S ME DOG. HE RECKONED HE WAS WORRYING HIS SHEEP, BUT HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY SHEEP.

Laski says SO, UH, WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF GETTING HIM TO CHANGE HIS MIND?

Vernon says WELL, WITH YOUR ACCENT, SLIM TO NONE, I'D SAY, MR. LASKI. HOWEVER, IF THE APPROACH CAME FROM SOMEONE MORE LOCAL, SAY, OFFERING MONEY...

Laski says WHAT SORT OF MONEY?

Vernon says I'D START AT 30 QUID AND WORK YOUR WAY UP, DEPENDING HOW BRIGHT THE GLEAM IN HIS EYE IS.

Laski says WELL, I THINK WE COULD GO ALONG WITH THAT. DON'T YOU, EVA?

Eva says ANYTHING TO SEE POOR JAMES FINALLY LAID TO REST. YOU KNOW THAT.

Laski says AND OF COURSE, IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING THERE'LL BE 20 COMING YOUR WAY IF YOU MANAGE TO PULL IT OFF FOR US, MR. SCRIPPS.

Vernon says OH. THE LAST THOUGHT IN MY HEAD WAS THAT THERE WOULD BE ANYTHING IN IT FOR ME. (VERNON CHUCKLING)

David smirks.

(ENGINE REVVING) (SCREAMING)

The biker tries to run Jethro over.

Jethro screams and falls as the biker drives away.

(TIRES SCREECHING) (PHONE RINGING)

Liz take a call and says DR. MERRICK. WHERE? I'M ON MY WAY. (HANGING UP) (SIREN WAILING)

At the scene, Steve says PHIL, IF THE POINT OF IMPACT WAS ABOUT HERE...

Phil says YEAH?

Steve says HAVE A LOOK AT THIS.

He points at the bike tracks.

(SIREN WAILING)

Phil says WHICH MEANS THAT WHOEVER HIT HIM HAD TO SWERVE TO DO IT.

Steve says EXACTLY. HERE. (SIREN WAILING)

Steve says WHAT SORT OF SHAPE IS HE IN, DOCTOR?

Liz takes Jethro's pulse and says HE'S STILL ALIVE, BUT ONLY JUST.

A song plays BORN UNDER A BAD SIGN I BEEN DOWN SINCE I BEGAN TO CRAWL IF IT WASN'T FOR BAD LUCK I WOULDN'T HAVE NO LUCK AT ALL BORN UNDER A BAD SIGN BORN UNDER A BAD

The biker drives to the quarry and throws the bike in the water.

At the police station, Merton says AND HAS THE MAN WHO WAS RUN OVER BEEN IDENTIFIED?

Steve says IT'S JETHRO WOODS, SARGE, THE MAN OSCAR BLAKETON REFUSED TO SERVE THE OTHER NIGHT. HE ALSO GOT A BRICK THROUGH HIS WINDOW.

Merton says REALLY? HOW IS HE?

Phil says WELL, IT WAS STILL TOUCH AND GO WHEN WE SPOKE TO THE HOSPITAL A COUPLE OF HOURS AGO.

Steve says THERE'S ONE OTHER THING, SARGE: THE TIRE MARKS LEFT IN THE MUD. I USE TO DO SOME MOTORCYCLE SCRAMBLING. AND THE TREADS WERE DEFINITELY FROM SCRAMBLING TIRES. THEY HAVE CERTAIN DISTINCTIVE FEATURES.

Merton says WELL, IN THAT CASE, GET COPIES OF THESE AND TAKE THEM ROUND TO LOCAL DEALERS. SEE IF THEY RING ANY BELLS. I'LL GET ONTO DIVISION, LET THEM KNOW WE HAVE A HIT-AND-RUN ON OUR HANDS. (PHONE RINGING)

Steve says ALRIGHT, SARGE.

Merton says SERGEANT MERTON. YES. RIGHT, DOCTOR. THANKS FOR LETTING US KNOW. CORRECTION. SEEMS WE HAVE A DEATH ON OUR HANDS.

A song goes THREE LITTLES FISHES AND A MAMA FISHY TOO THEY WENT SWIMMING IN THE REEKY ROCKY POOL THEY SWAM AND THEY SWAM AND THEY SWAM AND THEY SWAM THEY SWAM RIGHT OVER THE DAM

At the crime scene, DI Shiner says I'D SAY DELIBERATE. LOOKS LIKE HE SPUN ROUND HERE AND MADE OFF THE WAY HE CAME.

Merton says DIDN'T QUITE MANAGE TO AVOID THE WALL, SARGE, IF THESE MARKS HERE ARE ANYTHING TO GO BY.

Shiner says HMM.

Steve says MAKE SURE THESE ARE... THESE ARE THE TIRE MARKS WE PHOTOGRAPHED, SIR.

Shiner says HAS ANYONE HAD A WORD WITH HARRY WALKER YET ABOUT THE BRICK-THROWING INCIDENT? NOT TO MENTION HIS MOVEMENTS LAST NIGHT.

Steve says I DID TRY TO GET HOLD OF HIM, SIR, BUT THERE WASN'T ANYONE IN.

Shiner says THEN LET'S TRY AGAIN, SHALL WE?

Steve says RIGHT, SIR.

David drives Vernon, Eva, and Laski to Eli's house.

Vernon says RIGHT, YOU TWO, KEEP OUT OF SIGHT. I'LL HANDLE THIS.

Eli's comes out shooting a shotgun.

Eli is in his seventies, with short white hair and wears a brown coat and a beret.

(FIRING)

Meanwhile, Frankie and Wayne go fishing.

Frankie is in his early twenties, with short brown hair and wears jeans and a light brown jacket.

Wayne is in his early twenties, with short brown hair and wears jeans and a black and red plaid jacket.

Frankie says WHAT'S UP?

Wayne says SNAGGED ON SOMETHING.

Frankie says WHAT IS IT?

Wayne says I DON'T KNOW.

Frankie says HANG ON A MINUTE.

A song goes OUT IN THE OCEAN WHAT WERE THEY DOING? LAUGHING AND A-SWIMMING WHILE THEY CAN SAW A BIG, BIG SHARK WASN'T VERY FUNNY SO THEY TURNED AND THEY SWAM RIGHT BACK TO THE DAM

They get in the water.

Outside Eli's house, Vernon says UH, VERNON SCRIPPS, MR. PARKER! UH, WE HAVE MET!

Eli says NOT GOT THAT MANGY DOG WITH YOU, HAVE YOU?

Vernon says NO, NO, NO! UH, WE'VE HAD HIM PUT DOWN, LIKE YOU SUGGESTED! (VERNON CHUCKLING) I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD HAVE A WORD!

Eli says WHAT ABOUT?

Vernon says UH, THIS UNFORTUNATE LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING THAT SEEMS TO HAVE ARISEN ABOUT LAYING YOUR BROTHER TO REST IN THE FAMILY GRAVE!

Eli says THERE'S NO MISUNDERSTANDING ABOUT IT! THERE'S NONE OF US CARED A TINKER'S CUSS FOR HIM WHEN HE WERE ALIVE, ESPECIALLY ME MOTHER! AND SHE'D TURN IN THAT GRAVE IF SHE KNEW HE WERE LYING ON TOP OF HER!

Vernon says WELL, I MUST SAY, I DO ADMIRE THE PRINCIPLED STAND YOU'RE TAKING OVER THIS! BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE WOULD JUMP AT THE 30 QUID THAT'S ON OFFER FOR YOU TO CHANGE YOUR MIND!

Eli says THIRTY QUID?

Vernon says THAT'S WHAT HIS DEAREST FRIENDS ARE PREPARED TO OFFER AS A TOKEN OF THEIR APPRECIATION! IF YOU WERE TO SEE YOUR WAY TO CHANGING YOUR MIND ABOUT THIS!

Eli says THINK I'D BETRAY ME OWN MOTHER FOR A MISERABLE 30 QUID?

Vernon says UH, THEY MIGHT BE PREVAILED UPON TO GO EVEN HIGHER, IF I WERE TO HAVE ANOTHER WORD WITH THEM!

Eli says HOW MUCH HIGHER?

Vernon says LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU PUT THE GUN DOWN AND WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT?

Shiner and Steve pay Harry a visit. He's fixing his bike.

Shiner says WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT BETWEEN 10 AND QUARTER PAST?

Harry says AT THE PICTURES.

Shiner says ON YOUR OWN?

Harry says YEAH.

Steve says DO YOU OFTEN GO TO THE PICTURES ON YOUR OWN?

Harry says ONLY WHEN I'VE BEEN STOOD UP.

Shiner says AND WHO WAS IT STOOD YOU UP?

Harry says HER NAME WAS GLORIA. SOME BIRD I PICKED UP AT A DANCE ON SATURDAY NIGHT. I NEVER CAUGHT HER SECOND NAME.

Steve says TELL US ABOUT THE BRICK THAT GOT THROWN THROUGH JETHRO WOODS'S WINDOW THE NIGHT BEFORE.

Harry says I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THAT.

Steve says OUR INFORMATION IS THAT YOU THREATENED JETHRO WOODS.

Harry says I TOLD HIM WHAT I THOUGHT OF HIM, YEAH.

Shiner says DID YOU KNOW MR. WOODS WAS KILLED LAST NIGHT BY A HIT-AND-RUN DRIVER?

Harry says NO. HE WASN'T, WAS HE? WELL, WHAT A TERRIBLE LOSS, EH? TO SOCIETY.

Shiner says YOU FIND THAT FUNNY?

Harry says NO FUNNIER THAN WHEN ME OWN DAD DIED AFTER WHAT THAT SCUM DID TO HIM. I DIDN'T KILL HIM, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE SUGGESTING.

Shiner says A WORD OF ADVICE, SON. TRY TO FIND OUT GLORIA'S SECOND NAME. WE'LL WANT TO TALK TO HER, TO CORROBORATE THAT PART OF YOUR STORY, ANYWAY.

In the car, Steve says WELL, IF HE IS RESPONSIBLE, SIR, HE CERTAINLY DIDN'T USE THE BIKE HE'S WORKING ON. THE TIRE PATTERNS ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TO THE ONES WE PHOTOGRAPHED.

Shiner says BUT TIRES CAN BE CHANGED, CAN'T THEY, CONSTABLE? (STARTING ENGINE)

Meanwhile, Frankie and Wayne try to pull the bike out of the water.

Frankie says GO ON. GET THE BACK END. (GRUNTING) THERE. PUSH IT!

Wayne says LIFT THE FRONT! LIFT THE FRONT!

Frankie says I'M LIFTING IT! STOP LIFTING IT AND GO AROUND FRONT.

Wayne says YOU DO SOMETHING!

Frankie says SHOULDN'T WE TAKE IT TO THE POLICE OR SOMETHING?

Wayne says IF WE DID, THEY'D JUST KEEP IT. THAT'D BE THE LAST WE SEE OF IT! SO LET'S CLEAN IT UP AND SEE IF WE CAN GET IT GOING.

At the pub, Oscar says YOU KNOW, IF SHINER RECKONS WALKER'S YOUR MAN, HE'S CRAZY.

Phil says WELL, WALKER DOES HAVE SOMETHING OF A REPUTATION FOR BEING A HOT-HEAD, OSCAR.

Oscar says WHICH IS WHY I CAN EASILY BELIEVE IT WAS HIM THAT CHUCKED THE BRICK THROUGH THE WINDOW. BUT HIT AND RUN, NEVER. NOT HIS STYLE, NOT EVEN AGAINST WOODS.

Jenny says PHIL, HOW'S GINA?

Phil says OH, I THINK THE USUAL WORD TO DESCRIBE HER CONDITION IS "BLOOMING." AS TO BLOOMING WHAT, I'D RATHER NOT SAY.

Liz says THE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS ARE ALWAYS THE WORST.

Jenny says YOU MEN REALLY DON'T KNOW YOU'RE BORN, DO YOU?

Phil says ANYWAY, WHEN ARE YOU AND THAT IMMORTAL SERGEANT OF OURS GOING TO START A FAMILY?

Jenny says WE'RE IN NO HURRY.

Phil says NEITHER WERE WE.

A song goes HEY LITTLE GIRL I'M IN A WHIRL I'VE BEEN A BAD, BAD BOY

Shiner and Steve go to John Peters' shop.

Shiner says MR. PETERS? DI SHINER. THERE'S BEEN AN ACCIDENT INVOLVING A SCRAMBLER BIKE. WE WONDERED IF YOU COULD HELP US IDENTIFY THE TIRE MARKS.

John is in his mid-forties, with short straight gray hair. He wears a gray suit, white shirt, and printed brown tie.

John says DO YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES OF THE TIRE MARKS?

Shiner says OF COURSE.

Shiner shows him the pictures.

The song continues I'M NOT THE MAN YOU THINK I AM I GIVE YOU WARNING

John says THEY'RE DEFINITELY SCRAMBLER TIRES, BUT THERE'S NOTHING UNIQUE ABOUT THE PATTERN. ALL SCRAMBLER BIKES HAVE TIRES LIKE THIS.

Shiner says WELL, THANKS FOR YOUR HELP, MR. PETERS. IF ANYTHING DOES OCCUR TO YOU, YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND US.

John says RIGHT.

At their garage, Frankie and Wayne fix the bike.

Wayne says RIGHT, LET'S GIVE IT A GO. (ENGINE STARTING) (ENGINE STOPPING) (ENGINE STARTING)

Frankie says YEAH!

Wayne says COME ON!

At night, Evans and Johnson come back to Bernie's garage and break in.

At the pub, Bernie says I SUPPOSE WE SHOULD BE GRATEFUL YOU'RE STILL ALIVE TO TELL THE TALE, AFTER FACING UP TO THAT OLD BARMPOT.

David says OH, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT, MR. SCRIPPS. HE JUST STOOD THERE AND LOOKED OLD MR. PARKER RIGHT IN THE EYES. I WAS VERY PROUD OF YOU, MR. VERNON.

Vernon says WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, DAVID. COMETH THE HOUR, COMETH THE MAN. (CHUCKLING) IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO HAVING CONFIDENCE IN ONE'S ABILITY TO CONTROL A SITUATION.

Bernie says NOT TO MENTION THE 20 QUID HE GAVE YOU.

Steve drives by the garage and pulls up as he spots a strange car.

(SHUTTING OFF ENGINE)

Meanwhile, Evans and Johnson go to the chapel for the casket.

Evans says RIGHT, THEN.

Steve spots the broken lock on the front door and walks in.

The men use tools to open the casket.

Steve bumps into something and makes some noise.

(CLATTERING)

Evans says QUICK!

They hide behind the door and as Steve walks in, they hit him on the head.

(STEVE GRUNTING)

Johnson says LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

A song goes THREE LITTLES FISHES AND A MAMA FISHY TOO THEY WENT SWIMMING IN THE REEKY ROCKY POOL

The young men drive the bike by the side of the road.

Frankie says COME ON, WAYNE! GIVE ME A GO!

The song goes THEY SWAM RIGHT OVER THE DAM (STATIC HISSING) LITTLE BY LITTLE BY

The next day, Wayne takes the bike to the road as Liz drives past in her car.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Liz stops as Wayne falls off the bike.

Frankie says WAYNE, YOU ALRIGHT?

Liz says ARE YOU OKAY?

Wayne says YEAH, I THINK SO.

Liz says CAN YOU STAND UP FOR ME?

Wayne says YEAH.

Liz says CAN YOU PUT YOUR WEIGHT ON IT?

Wayne says YEAH.

Liz says WHAT WERE YOU THINKING OF? YOU DIDN'T EVEN LOOK! AND WITHOUT A CRASH HELMET ON! IS IT YOUR BIKE?

Frankie says WE FOUND IT.

Liz says FOUND IT?

Frankie says DOWN THE QUARRY.

Liz says WHAT, IT WAS JUST LEFT THERE?

Wayne says IT WERE LYING IN THE WATER.

Liz says COME OVER HERE FOR ME.

They take the bike to the police station.

Outside the police station, Merton says ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE ALRIGHT?

Steve says YEAH, I'M FINE, SARGE. JUST A BIT SORE. THAT'S ALL. THE TREAD MARKS CERTAINLY MATCH UP.

Merton says ALRIGHT, BELLAMY, GET ONTO FORENSICS. GET THEM TO HAVE A LOOK AT IT, JUST IN CASE ANY FINGERPRINTS HAVE SURVIVED.

Phil says RIGHT, SARGE.

Steve says SARGE!

Alf says WHAT NUMBER DO YOU LIVE IN?

Frankie says SEVENTY-FOUR.

Alf says SEVENTY-FOUR.

Steve says SARGE?

Merton says WHAT IS IT? YOU HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT GOING HOME?

Steve says NO, NO, I'M FINE, HONESTLY. IT'S JUST, THE NIGHT OSCAR BLAKETON CHUCKED HIM OUT OF THE PUB, JETHRO WOODS SWORE BLIND HE WAS NEVER INVOLVED IN THE COSHING OF HARRY WALKER'S FATHER BUT THAT HE NOW KNEW WHO HAD DONE IT. SUPPOSE HE WAS TELLING THE TRUTH, REALLY HAD BEEN FITTED UP?

Merton says NOT BY OSCAR BLAKETON, SURELY.

Steve says NO, SARGE, BY THE REAL ROBBER. EVER SINCE JETHRO WOODS CAME BACK TO AIDENSFIELD, HE'S BEEN TELLING EVERYONE HE KNEW WHO DID THE JOB. WOULD EXPLAIN WHY HE WAS KILLED: TO STOP HIM TALKING.

Merton says COULD BE RIGHT.

On the phone, Phil says PC BELLAMY, ASHFORDLY POLICE.

Merton says TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT THE BIKE OUTSIDE. SEE IF YOU CAN FIND THE SERIAL NUMBER. THEN GET ONTO THE MANUFACTURER AND FIND OUT WHICH DEALER THEY SUPPLIED IT TO.

Phil says OKAY.

Steve says SARGE.

Phil says YEAH, SHE'S DOING ALRIGHT.

At the garage, Bernie puts a new lock in and says ALRIGHT, THERE WE GO. SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.

Vernon says DAVID, I THINK A DRINK'S IN ORDER.

David says OH, THANKS, MR. VERNON.

Meanwhile, the robbers watch from the car.

Evans says WE'LL LET IT GET DARK FIRST, SHOULD WE, BOYO?

Johnson says WHATEVER YOU SAY, GOV.

Merton says JOHN PETERS OF PETERS MOTORCYCLES?

Steve says THE ONE INSPECTOR SHINER AND I SAW THE OTHER DAY, SARGE.

Alf says AND WHO, ACCORDING TO THE MANUFACTURER, WAS SUPPLIED WITH A MOTORBIKE WITH THAT PARTICULAR FRAME NUMBER ONLY A FEW MONTHS BACK.

Merton says SO GET ONTO HIM AND FIND OUT WHO HE SOLD IT TO.

Alf says IF HE SOLD IT TO ANYONE, THAT IS, SARGE.

Merton says OH?

Alf says UH, PETERS WASN'T ALWAYS THE RESPECTABLE PILLAR OF THE COMMUNITY THAT HE IS NOWADAYS. HE WAS A RIGHT TEARAWAY IN HIS YOUTH.

Merton says WAS HE?

Alf says MORE TO THE POINT, SARGE, WHO DO YOU THINK HIS BOSOM PAL WAS IN THOSE DAYS?

Merton says NOT JETHRO WOODS?

Alf nods and says MM.

At Peters' shop, Merton says SO YOU CAN CONFIRM, MR. PETERS, THAT THIS PARTICULAR BIKE WAS SUPPLIED TO YOU BY THE MANUFACTURER?

John says IF THAT'S WHAT THEIR RECORDS SHOW, HOW COULD I DISPUTE IT? BUT AS TO WHO IT WAS SOLD ON TO... WE SUPPLY SCORES OF BIKES DURING THE COURSE OF THE YEAR, SERGEANT, SO IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY.

Steve says YOU PRESUMABLY KEEP RECORDS.

John says WE DO, BUT, WELL, IT'S NEVER BEEN WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL ONE OF MY STRONG POINTS, BOOKKEEPING.

Merton says LET'S TALK ABOUT JETHRO WOODS, THEN, SHALL WE? THE VICTIM OF THE HIT AND RUN. YOU DID KNOW HIM, DIDN'T YOU?

John says VAGUELY, I SUPPOSE.

Merton says OH, RATHER BETTER THAN THAT, SURELY. OUR INFORMATION IS THAT YOU TWO WERE THE BEST OF FRIENDS. PARTNERS IN CRIME, IN FACT, ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION.

John says LOOK, I WAS YOUNG AND STUPID THEN, OKAY? THEN ONE DAY, I SUDDENLY REALIZED IT WAS A MUG'S GAME. AND I'VE GONE STRAIGHT EVER SINCE. AND ONE OF THE FIRST PEOPLE I DROPPED WAS JETHRO WOODS.

Steve says AND WAS IT ABOUT THAT TIME YOU OPENED THIS PLACE?

John says THAT'S RIGHT.

Merton says IT'S QUITE A LEAP, ISN'T IT, FROM PETTY THIEF TO LEADING MOTORCYCLE SUPPLIER?

Steve says OR IS IT THAT YOU SUDDENLY CAME INTO SOME MONEY?

John says AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DID.

Merton says AND THIS WINDFALL JUST HAPPENED TO COINCIDE WITH THE ROBBING OF CHARLIE WALKER?

John says NO, THIS UNCLE OF MINE OVER IN AUSTRALIA DIED. I'D ALWAYS BEEN A FAVOURITE OF HIS, BEFORE HE EMIGRATED.

Merton says AND THE NAME OF THIS UNCLE?

John says BEN. UNCLE BEN PETERS.

Steve says AND WHEREABOUTS IN AUSTRALIA DID HE LIVE?

John says SYDNEY.

Merton says WHERE WERE YOU THE NIGHT THAT JETHRO WOODS WAS KILLED, MR. PETERS?

John says AT HOME WITH THE WIFE, A FACT SHE'LL BE ONLY TOO HAPPY TO CONFIRM.

Merton says RIGHT, THEN. WE'LL LEAVE IT THERE FOR THE MOMENT. THANK YOU.

John says THANK YOU.

As they leave, Steve says HE'S OUR MAN ALRIGHT, SARGE. HAS TO BE.

Merton says BUT IF HIS WIFE BACKS UP HIS STORY THAT HE WITH HER ALL NIGHT... ON THE OTHER HAND, IF WE CAN PROVE THAT HE WAS THE ONE WHO ROBBED CHARLIE WALKER, EVEN IF IT WAS YEARS AGO... CHECK OUT THIS AUSTRALIA BUSINESS, WILL YOU? AND THE LATE UNCLE BEN.

Steve says RIGHT, SARGE.

At night David and Vernon walk to the garage.

David says WHY WE DOING THIS, MR. VERNON?

Vernon says LOOK, IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT THE BREAK-IN LAST NIGHT. IT'S ALL THE OTHER THINGS AS WELL.

David says LIKE WHAT?

Vernon says WELL, YOU MUST HAVE NOTICED, WHEN WE CARRIED THE COFFIN, THAT THERE WASN'T MUCH WEIGHT, EVEN FOR AN OLD FELLA. AND THEN THERE'S THE AGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EVA AND HER LATE HUSBAND. I MEAN, WHAT'S A GOOD-LOOKING BIRD DOING WITH AN OLD DODDERER?

David says I KNOW, BUT...

Vernon says IT ALL REQUIRES FURTHER INVESTIGATION. COME ON. COME ON, DAVID. GET THE LAMP. WELL, SWITCH IT ON! WE HAVEN'T GOT ALL NIGHT!

David says I BET THE BATTERY'S FLAT.

Vernon says OH, TERRIFIC. HANG ON. I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

David says COULD WE JUST TURN THE LIGHTS ON?

Vernon says WELL, HARDLY, DAVID, SEEING BERNIE'S ASKED THE POLICE TO KEEP A SPECIAL EYE ON THE PLACE.

He grabs the candle by the casket and says YOU HAVE GOT A MATCH, I HOPE.

David finds a matchbox in his pocket.

(RATTLING)

(CLATTERING)

The robbers walk in the garage.

One of them bumps into a wheel disc.

David says WHAT-- WHAT WAS THAT?

Vernon says WELL, DON'T JUST STAND THERE! BLOW IT OUT! QUICK!

David hides behind the curtains and Vernon hides under the casket.

The robbers walk in.

Evans says COME ON.

Johnson says RIGHT.

David sneaks out.

The robbers unlock the casket.

Evans says READY? OH, WILL YOU LOOK AT ALL THAT LOVELY LUCRE.

They take the lid off and reveal a pile of money.

Johnson says BINGO.

The driver steps on Vernon's hand.

Vernon says AH!

Evans says WHAT THE...?

Johnson says WELL, THERE'S SOMEBODY DOWN THERE! WHO ARE YOU? GET OUT!

Vernon says ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT!

Johnson says I SEE YOU!

Evans says WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

David runs in the pub and says MR. BLAKETON, YOU GOT TO DO SOMETHING!

Oscar says ABOUT WHAT?

David says IT'S THE CHAPEL OF REST. THEY'VE BROKEN IN AGAIN. AND MR. VERNON'S IN THERE! AND IF THEY FIND HIM...

Laski stands up and runs out. Jenny looks at him suspiciously.

Merton says ALRIGHT, DAVID, ALRIGHT. OSCAR, PHONE CRANE AND TELL HIM TO GET SOME HELP OVER HERE. NOW, DAVID, CALM DOWN AND TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT'S HAPPENED.

At the chapel, Vernon says IT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. I-- I JUST WORK HERE.

Evans says SHUT UP!

Vernon says RIGHT.

Laski and Eva walk in. Laski points a gun at them and says ALRIGHT, TAFFY, PUT HIM DOWN. AND THEN PUT YOUR HANDS UP, THE PAIR OF YOU.

Vernon says A MOST TIMELY ENTRANCE, MR. LASKI.

Laski says AND THAT INCLUDES YOU, SCRIPPS.

Vernon says BUT I-- I JUST...

Laski says JUST DO IT. NOW, AS I UNDERSTOOD IT, THE PLAN WAS TO BURY THE MONEY UNTIL EVERYTHING HAD COOLED DOWN A BIT.

Evans says YEAH, WELL, LET'S JUST SAY WE DECIDED TO TAKE OUR SHARE NOW, ALRIGHT?

Laski says WELL, THEN YOU'RE AN EVEN BIGGER CRETIN THAN I THOUGHT YOU WERE, EVANS. IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW, WHEN A MAIL VAN HAS BEEN ROBBED, THE POLICE CIRCULATE THE NUMBERS OF THE NOTES THAT HAVE BEEN STOLEN. WHICH MEANS, THE MINUTE YOU TRY AND SPEND ANY OF IT, THEY JUMP ON YOU FROM A GREAT HEIGHT.

Evans says THAT'S OUR PROBLEM, ISN'T IT?

Laski says WELL, NOW, IT BECOMES OUR PROBLEM IF, BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPIDITY, WE ALL END UP GETTING NICKED.

Evans says LOOK, JUST GIVE US OUR SHARE, AND WE TAKE OUR CHANCES, OKAY?

Laski says OH, YES. AND IF I AGREED, WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU PROPOSE TO DO ABOUT MR. SCRIPPS HERE? SINCE HE CAN PRESUMABLY IDENTIFY EVERY ONE OF US.

Evans says WELL, THERE'LL BE PLENTY OF ROOM IN THE COFFIN FOR A BODY, ONCE WE'VE EMPTIED IT.

Vernon says OH, YOU LADS WILL HAVE YOUR LITTLE JOKE. (LAUGHING)

Evans says TWO THINGS I NEVER JOKE ABOUT, BOYO-- MONEY AND BODIES.

Laski nods.

At the garage entrance, Merton says AND THERE ARE JUST THE TWO OF THEM, YOU SAY?

David says YEAH.

Jenny says THERE MIGHT BE FOUR.

Merton says HOW DO YOU MEAN?

Jenny says WELL, WHEN DAVID SAID THE PLACE WAS BEING BURGLED, A MAN AND A WOMAN RAN OUT.

Oscar says OH, THAT WAS, UH, LASKI AND MRS. PARKER. AND IT'S HER HUSBAND THAT'S LYING IN THE COFFIN IN THE CHAPEL OF REST. (VEHICLE APPROACHING)

Merton says DID YOU CALL ASHFORDLY FOR BACKUP?

Steve says YES, SARGE. ALSO, BELLAMY'S IN THE AREA. HE'S ON HIS WAY.

Merton says RIGHT. IN THAT CASE, ALL WE NEED TO DO... IS STALL THEM FOR A FEW MINUTES.

He puts the lock back in.

(SIREN WAILING)

In the chapel, Eva says SHH! LISTEN!

They all start running to the door but can't get out.

A song goes THERE'S NO HIDING PLACE DOWN HERE NO HIDING PLACE DOWN HERE I WENT TO THE ROCK TO HIDE MY FACE THE ROCK CRIED OUT, NO HIDING PLACE THERE'S NO HIDING PLACE DOWN HERE I WENT TO THE ROCK TO HIDE MY FACE THE ROCK CRIED OUT, NO HIDING PLACE THERE'S NO HIDING PLACE DOWN HERE

The police car arrives.

The next day at the police station, Alf says SO, WHAT HAPPENED TO, UH, ELI PARKER'S BROTHER? THE ONE WHO THAT SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE COFFIN?

Steve says ALIVE AND WELL AND HELPING US WITH OUR INQUIRIES BACK IN LONDON. IT WAS HIS IDEA TO USE HIS FAMILY GRAVE TO HIDE THE MONEY IN... TO SPITE HIS MOTHER, PRINCIPALLY.

Merton says HIS MOTHER?

Steve says APPARENTLY, HE NEVER FORGAVE HER FOR KICKING HIM OUT ALL THOSE YEARS AGO. AND IT APPEALED TO HIS SENSE OF HUMOUR TO STASH THE MONEY IN THE SAME GRAVE AS HER, IN A COFFIN WITH HIS OWN NAME ON IT.

Phil says HERE... THAT TELEGRAM YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR FROM AUSTRALIA.

Steve says OH, RIGHT. THANKS. SARGE!

Merton and Steve visit John at his shop again.

John says WELL?

Merton says THIS UNCLE BEN OF YOURS, THE ONE WHO LEFT YOU ALL THE MONEY...

John says OH, YES?

Merton says HE EMIGRATED TO AUSTRALIA, YOU SAY?

John says WHEN I WAS STILL A KID, YES.

Steve says THE IMMIGRATION AUTHORITIES OVER THERE HAVE NO RECORD OF HIM, YOU SEE. ANY MORE THAN THE SYDNEY AUTHORITIES HAVE OF ANY BRITISH IMMIGRANT OF THAT NAME HAVING DIED THERE IN THE LAST 20 YEARS. NOW, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT, MR. PETERS?

John says I THINK, BEFORE I SAY ANY MORE, I'D LIKE TO HAVE MY SOLICITOR PRESENT.

Merton says I THINK YOU'LL BE VERY WISE, MR. PETERS... VERY WISE.

At the pub, Oscar says FOR 20 YEARS, I'VE BEEN THINKING JETHRO WOODS GOT AWAY WITH MURDER.

Merton says WELL, SORRY, OSCAR. HE WAS ENTIRELY INNOCENT OF THAT ONE.

Oscar says AH, SO HE WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG. DID, UH, SOMEBODY SET HIM UP?

Steve says YEAH, HIS SO-CALLED BEST MATE PETERS HAS GIVEN A FULL CONFESSION.

Jenny says YOU CAN HARDLY BLAME YOURSELF, OSCAR. EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES, EVEN YOU.

Oscar says I'LL PRETEND I NEVER HEARD THAT.

Merton says WELL, IF YOU'VE ANY OTHER OLD CRIMES YOU WANT SOLVED, JUST LET US KNOW.

Oscar says YEAH, WELL, I'LL BEAR IT IN MIND.

Merton says "THE MILLS OF GOD GRIND SLOWLY."

Oscar says "YET THEY GRIND EXCEEDING SMALL."

Steve says IS THAT MORE SHAKESPEARE, THEN?

Alf says HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW. PINT OF BITTER, PLEASE, OSCAR.

Music plays as the end credits roll. Devised by Johnny Byrne.

Based on the books by Nicholas Rhea.

Executive Producer, Keith Richardson.

Producer, Gerry Mill.

Director, Andrew Morgan.

Copyright 2004, Yorkshire Television LTD.

Logo: ITV Studios Global Entertainment.

Watch: Heartbeat - episode 12 - The Dear Departed