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Violent Toys and Their Effect on Children
When your children play with toy guns or water pistols, what lessons are they learning?
"I think everybody agrees that our society is too violent," says Dr. Marilyn Heins, retired MD and parenting expert. "Toys reflect the culture."
Some of the most popular toys over the past several decades have been toy guns, military action figures, and water guns. The problem with these toys is that some young children have difficulty separating fact from fantasy.
However, violent toys do not teach children to be violent. Toys that promote hurting and killing can only have a negative effect when parents are not there to guide their children.
Kids Model What They See
"Kids have always played with toys that reflect their culture and I think in one sense, that's okay, because they're learning what their culture is all about," says Dr. Heins.
For example, she says, children in equatorial Africa made spears out of pieces of wood, and children in 19th century America fashioned rifles out of twigs or wood.
"But when we get to the 21st century we are so bombarded with violence that parents have to be proactive," says Dr. Heins. Parents can stop play that reflects violent behaviour, but she says the broader issue is "making sure your child feels valued, reinforcing connections between the child and family and child and community, and interpreting what's going on."
Exposure to Violence is Pervasive
"If you ask your 2 ½ year old, he may know what a gun is," says Dr. Heins. "They’re so pervasive. There are pictures on the front page of the newspaper that might show guns."
The exposure is so pervasive that parents have to limit a child's access to violence in media and be selective and watch together, she says. They need to help children understand that real-life violent behaviours have serious consequences, and discuss ways to solve problems without violence.
"Even if you forbid a child access to toy guns,” she says. "Many young children will go through a stage where they point their finger and say, 'Bang! Bang! You're dead!'"
As well, it is not unusual for a child who is not allowed access to toy guns to bite his toast into the shape of a gun. Twigs, bananas, cutlery or pork chop bones also act as a substitute for guns. As long as children realize that these are fake guns it is alright, says Dr. Heins.
But with proliferation of look-alike weapons brought about by proliferation of violent crimes in society, more and more kids are running around with realistic semi-automatic guns.
"Parents cannot prevent their children from knowing about weapons, violence, and war,” says Dr. Heins. “Let's face it there is plenty of violence in the fairytale books your children might read."
The Role of Parents: A Balanced Approach
Parents can help their children by taking a balanced approach when it comes to violent toys. Overreaction may be harmful, and banning violent toys may back-fire as children may desire the forbidden.
For most children holding a "weapon" does not automatically make him a potential killer. It is more than likely that with “weapons” they feel more like knights slaying dragons or any characters fighting for justice.
Through imaginative play, children learn some of the roles and prosocial behaviours of society, like co-operation, negotiation, taking turns, and playing by the rules. As children grow they begin realizing that in real life violence doesn't work, that there is a difference between imagination and reality, and that in real life one doesn't come back to life after a gun fight.
Parents should realize that this has to be taught to their children. It is possible that when your child is weilding a banana as a gun, he or she realizes it is an imaginary one. When it comes to toy guns, however, it may be difficult for children to distinguish between a real gun and one that looks like the real thing. In such cases, adult input is extremely important.
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