Cheryl Jackson

Labels

Wed, 17 Mar 10 16:39:53 GMT

Want to know how labels have affected your child? Try this. Ask your child to give you five labels that describe him or her. This may make you cringe, but it might be a relief. I did this with my kids. One gave me five labels right away, and while I was surprised by some of them, none were terrible and they actually told me a lot about how she thinks of herself. My other two kids were far too wary and wanted to know why I was asking. Hmmm...I think this may work better with younger kids. It seems to me that young children would base their labels on what you've told them. The older they get, the more they incorporate what teachers and friends have told them, and what they have figured out about themselves. Nevertheless, it is a quick way to see how we label our kids, and how those labels define them.

I don't think we can avoid labels. We have a great need to catagorize and name things. But how can we do that without harming our kids? We talked about this on Your Voice. Especially important are the labels schools give kids - gifted, dyslexic, autistic. These labels qualify kids for services within the school. Without them, they may not get extra resource help, more time on tests, a differentiated curriculum. But kids live with those labels for life. Even 'good' labels can have lasting negative effects. Take the kid who is labelled "gifted", for instance. He may shy away from taking chances in case he fails and thereby destroys his gifted image. Or he may succumb to the pressure of being so smart by barely passing his classes. Some parents like school labels, others shun them.

This is a tricky parenting issue, but our experts gave some pretty good advice about labelling. Hope it helps.

Empathy

Fri, 12 Mar 10 15:28:48 GMT

Here's what Mary Gordon called a "gorgeous" story, and it is.

A seven-year old child was being teased in the schoolyard because she didn't have the 'right' shoes. She was a foster child - the poor, geeky kid who just didn't measure up. Her best friend was distressed by this so she said, "May I wear one of your shoes?" They traded one-for-one, and the message was sent - don't make fun of my friend, she's not alone.

As Mary said on our show on empathy, the brilliant thing about this act of kindness and courage is that an adult wouldn't have thought of it. It was a child's solution to a problem, one that worked perfectly in the circumstance. It's a great example of empathy. That little girl understood her friend's pain and cared enough to do something about it.

Mary Gordon is the founder of Roots of Empathy, a school-based program that teaches empathy by bringing babies and moms into classrooms to show the intuitively empathetic relationship between the two. Kids get to watch and talk about it, and relate it to their own experiences. In fact, the little girl who traded her shoe had been through the program. Stan Baker started an empathy program at his school called Restorative Practice. It's based on aboriginal healing circles and encourages non-judgmental listening and reflection on behaviour. Kids hear how others feel and come up with solutions so that everyone feels heard, safe and included.

Of course, empathy really starts at home with parents. A child who is treated with empathy will be empathetic. It's that simple. And it's so important, not only in your children's relationships but also their achievement. Kids who are empatheic find it easier to navigate the tricky waters of school life. Mary and Stan explain it so much better than I can so watch our show. I hope it helps.

Music and Your Child

Mon, 08 Mar 10 16:11:49 GMT

I'm a big believer in music education, or perhaps I should say I'm a big believer in kids making music. I know from experience that there is no more joyous feeling than singing in a choir, feeling the music wash over and around you, being part of it of this thing that is so much more than the sum of its parts. Because it made me feel so good as a child, I encouraged my kids to join choirs and the experience has been equally moving for them. One of my kids toured Europe with her choir, and during a performace in a Medieval German church, at night by candlelight, she sang with tears streaming down her face. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Now, did I or my kids get any smarter for having made music? Did piano lessons make us better mathematicians? Are we more literate for our being able to read music? In our case, I'd say no to all of the above, although some people may benefit in such ways. But I do know that it made us feel great, helped us appreciate the value of teamwork and self-discipline and gave us a way to share ourselves with others. I think that's good enough.

We talked about all of this on Your Voice, and our experts said music should be an end in itself. Yes, learning another language, which is what music is, can have an effect on our brains, but really, there are so many other benefits to making music that it should not be valuable only because it will improve your math scores. That idea is a very Western notion of what music is for. Most cultures around the world recognize the role of music in expressing individual and group emotions and thoughts and is seen as something everyone can do, not just the trained and talented.

I love that.

Gender and Learning

Fri, 05 Mar 10 20:20:47 GMT

Want to start a debate? Ask parents if their boys and girls learn differently, and then ask if they were born that way or socialized to be different.

I wanted my girls to be more like my son, my first-born, for purely selfish reasons - so they could share his toys and save us some money. But no, that's not how it worked out. My son liked trucks, my girls liked dolls. My son liked books about how things were made, my girls liked books about people. My son liked playing with Lego and K'nex, my girls liked playing dress-up.

No matter how much we tried, our girls did not embrace our son's toys, which formed the basis of their early learning. Why? I was convinced they were born differently. My theory was that boy brains liked things that move in space and girl brains preferred social play. It's not really that simple, we've found out, but there is some truth to it. How big the gaps are between boys and girls, however, is up for debate. Even more debatable is what we should do with that information.

On Your Voice we waded right into the debate with our show on Gender and Learning. Leonard Sax and Lise Eliot argued their mostly differing points of view on this topic, and Michael Reist came up somewhere in the middle. All agree there are some differences in boy and girl brains, but Lise says they are small and can be accomodated so that, in the end, neither boys nor girls are disadvantaged. Leonard, on the other hand, believes the differences are great enough to warrant single-sex education for some boys and girls. Michael says parents should learn about both points of view and says the truth is probably somewhere in between. He says parents and teachers should try to understand each child and how they learn, no matter what their gender, and ensure all kids know the adults in their life are on their side. Well put, Michael. And thanks to all for a great debate.

Olympic Dreams

Mon, 01 Mar 10 15:47:33 GMT

When do kids decide they love a sport so much it's all they want to do? What happens at that moment? Do they feel challenged? Driven to succeed? Or do they simply feel so good when they skate, or ski, or slide at lightning speed down a track that they must do it over and over and over again, getting faster, higher, better every time?

I wondered about this as I watched the Canadian Women's Hockey Team in their final gold-medal Olympic game against the U.S. When did those women decide to become hockey players? Was it as little 4-year-olds in skating lessons at the local arena? Was it later, encouraged by hockey-loving parents? How do parents know that their child loves a sport enough to pursue excellence, to spend countless hours training and playing their sport?

Too many questions, I know, and sadly I don't have all the answers, but that's what I thought about while I watched the games. I thought about my own kids and the hits and misses. One of my daughters, for instance, spent most of her skating lessons crying on the ice because her skates hurt her feet, or on her belly with her friend licking the ice. It seemed clear at the time that skating was not her passion, so we let it go. Definite miss. Instead, we started skiing in the winter, and that was a hit. Should we have pushed the skating? We've done a couple of shows about sport and competition which help answer some of these questions - check out "The Value of the Game" and "Should Kids Compete".

Now that the Olympics are over, and Canadians are feeling so proud, I wonder how our new heros will affect kids. Will kids try sports they may not have tried? Will they try harder? Will they be the next winners? We'll all be watching, I'm sure.

Becoming Bilingual - In Utero

Mon, 22 Feb 10 19:38:19 GMT

Not long ago we thought that if we laid a speaker on our pregnant bellies and played Mozart, our babies would be born brilliant. That myth has since been laid to rest (check out our show on Music and Your Child), but now there's evidence that what our babies hear in utero will affect them later.

Janet Werker, professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia, and her colleagues have just published a study showing that newborns who were exposed to two languages while still in the womb are better prepared to become bilingual. This is fascinating. We just did a show on Language and Learning and found out that our old ideas of keeping things simple for kids when they are young and adding second or third languages later is wrong. Children's brains are wired for language from the day they are born, and now it seems, before they're born. The earlier they are exposed to other languages, the better. It's not that they can't learn them when they are older - it's just that for the first few years of life, learning language is their big job.

Our guests on Your Voice said that children don't have to be immersed in other languages, but consistent exposure is necessary. That may mean lots of visits with a grandma who speaks another language, immersion programmes in school, or even just reading simple children's books in second or third languages at home. Children who are learning English as a second language should definitely continue to hear and speak their first language. Now it seems they can begin their language education before they're even born.

Who Likes Group Work?

Fri, 19 Feb 10 15:53:30 GMT

The latest tale of woe regarding group work at my house went something like this.

My daughter was assigned a project with another girl. Despite numerous attempts, I'm told, my daughter could not seem to set up a time to work on this group project with her partner. Until the day before it was due, when her partner was supposed to come over to our house for the evening to get the thing done. Her partner ended up getting sick and said she couldn't come over. My daughter suggested she do her part on her own that night, and if she were still sick the next day, we'd pick it up on the way to school. Five minutes before we arrived at her house the next day, the day it was due for presentation, my daughter's partner phoned to say she hadn't done her part of the project. My daughter presented her part alone. So much for group work.

This story is not uncommon, I'm sure. In fact, I know someone who has become so fed up with the problems of group work that she has had her daughter exempted from all group work at school. She does her projects alone.

You can see why our Your Voice team wondered about the value of group work.

You'll have to watch our show to get the full story, but to begin with you need to know that the experts hate the term 'group work.' They talk about 'cooperative' or 'collaborative' learning, and it is very different from the traditional group project. In cooperative learning, teachers set up the environment in the classroom - not at home - and kids work together and learn from each other. They brainstorm, they collaborate, they share. Our guests said it creates a more inclusive environment where children are excited about their learning. We are social creatures, after all. They emphasize the 'group project' done at home by individuals and put together at the end does not accomplish any of the goals of cooperative learning, and is very difficult to assess fairly.

After taping our show, I'm all for cooperative learning. Not so much for group work. What do you think?

Africentric School Update

Thu, 18 Feb 10 16:41:33 GMT

Toronto's new Africentric Alternative School is going gangbusters, despite early signs that few were interested. Now the school has a waiting list, has added two new teachers and is looking for more classroom space for its growing student body.

So, given what appears to be huge success, why could we not get anyone from the school to come on to Your Voice to tell us about it?

Producer Karen Bridson began, appropriately, by calling the school's principal, Thando Hyman-Aman. Ms. Hyman-Aman did not return her call. Karen emailed her. No response. She emailed her again, this time requesting a 'read receipt', so she would know that Ms. Hyman-Aman got the message. Ms. Hyman-Aman did get the message and sent it straight to the Toronto District School Board's public relations office. After a couple of conversations with that office, Karen was told that Ms. Hyman-Aman did not want to participate.

Karen then tried to reach the TDSB's Director of Education, Chris Spence. He also did not respond.

Karen finally called the TDSB trustee for the area, James Pasternak, who agreed to come on the show and share what he knew. He did his best to share details about the school. Our other guests included school parent Ainsworth Morgan, who is a teacher himself, and York University professor Carl James. Great group, but not one of them involved 'on the ground', as I like to say, at the school.

Why would no one from the school come to the table? Certainly there was controversy when the TDSB voted to start the school back in January, 2008. It continues to this day as experts debate the merits of a school focussed on race. Here in Toronto we like to think of ourselves as the world's most multi-cultural city. Surely that means we can all live, and learn, together. On the other side of the argument, however, are those who say something must be done about the 40 per cent drop out rate among black students in Toronto, and while a focussed school may not be perfect, it's a start.

And it's had a great start. Time will tell if a black-focussed curriculum and school culture will lead to better outcomes, but for now, students and parents are enthusiastic.

That's the story we wanted, and did, tell. We think the school's leaders should have been the ones to tell it.

THe Only Child

Thu, 04 Feb 10 18:28:23 GMT

Did you know that more than half of all Canadian families with children have one child? Not two or three or four, but one child. This was very surprising to me because most of my friends have at least two kids. Once I read the statistic, however, I realized that I actually know many people who have one child. I'd just never thought of it before.

The reasons for having one child are many, according to our guests on Your Voice. People are waiting longer to have kids and that means they may only be able to have one, since time is not a friend of fertility. Parents want to keep careers moving ahead and think a larger family will make that difficult. And it costs a lot of money to raise a child these days. That old figure of $100,000 is so low as to be laughable. I've seen research that puts it over $300,000! So while having a large family was once desirable (it meant more help on the farm), today a small family makes more sense to many people.

So what's it like to be raised an an only? Do the old myths stand up - are onlies really spoiled and selfish, or, as one psychologist in the 1800's wrote, are they "a disease in itself"? As might be expected with so many onlies out there these days, money is being spent researching this phenomenon, and so far the experts are saying onlies are doing just fine, thank you. They are being socialized with other children in daycares and schools, they have friends, and they grow up to be caring adults. They do tend to be mature for their age, however, given that they spend so much time with adults and they do like to be the centre of attention. They are usually ambitious and achievement-oriented, since they identify with adults. They may also be uncomfortable with conflict, not having had the rough and tumble, daily competition with siblings.

It's worth hearing what our guests had to say about his topic because even if you have more than one child, chances are your kids will have friends who are onlies, and it always helps to understand.

Haiti

Mon, 01 Feb 10 21:02:09 GMT

I remember very distinctly a summer drive with my family when I was about ten years old. I was in the back seat with my brothers, the car was hot, and my parents were listening to the news on the radio. The report was about fighting in the MIddle East. My parents talked about it quietly in the front seat. As I watched the back of my mom's head look forward, then out the window, then to my dad, the knot in my stomach grew tighter. I imagined the end of the world. I was just a kid - I knew so little and had even less power. It was a horrible feeling.

When big, bad things happen somewhere else, it can be very scary for kids. They hear all the adults talking about it. They hear and see the news. They wonder if it could happen here, how it happened, who's helping, who's fixing the problem. They may wonder how they can help.

The latest big, bad thing has been the earthquake in Haiti. Not only has it been all over the news, but your kids or their friends may know people who have died or are suffering in Haiti. News of Haiti will be with us for a long time as the country tries to re-build itself. So how should you talk to your kids about it?

We invited parenting expert Alyson Schafer in to our Your Voice studio to get some advice. She said, of course, it all depends on the age of your child. Very young children may not need to know about it at all. But older kids do, and you should answer their questions honestly. If they don't raise the subject, then you can raise it by asking what they've heard about Haiti, and go from there. You can also try to find a way to help, as a family.

You can find Alyson's advice here. Hope it helps.